‘Sharpe by name, sharp by nature, and all that.’ Vic grinned, sliding her friend’s unwanted gherkins into her Big Mac.
Mandy continued punching her chips down. ‘Anyway, I do need to know as soon as possible if you are splitting up or not, as I’ll take Nate off the wedding list. The venue we’ve chosen isn’t cheap, you know.’
‘Jesus, Mand, you’re ruthless,’ Vic laughed. ‘I’m not going to tell him before Christmas. I can’t. In fact, I might never tell him. It wasn’t anything to do with Nate. He’d done nothing wrong. It’s me. So why hurt him? And on a practical note, there’s too much going on with your wedding and with Mum.’ Vic bit her lip. ‘I just keep hoping that I can erase what happened from my mind and carry on as usual, in ignorant bliss.’
‘Wow.’ Mandy was wide-eyed. ‘You call me ruthless.’
‘It’s not that I don’t feel guilty, Mand. It’s the opposite. Nate doesn’t deserve what I did. I was the one turning the poor sod down for sex and then one toke of a joint, and I drop my knickers for someone else.’
Mandy winced. ‘You and Orla do get yourselves into such bloody scrapes.’
‘So, go on, then, tell me what would you do in this situation, Miss Vanilla Pants?’ Vic felt suddenly agitated.
‘I’m not walking in your shoes and, without wanting to sound like Mother Teresa – although I clearly do – a good Catholic girl like me wouldn’t have shagged some random on a night out, would I?’
‘That’s so helpful.’ Vic sighed deeply. ‘And don’t make it sound like I’ve done it before. I think you’ll find that’s Ms O’Malley you’rethinking of.’
‘Sorry, sorry.’ Mandy’s face twitched.
‘I’ve got a lot to sort out in my head, Mand.’ Vic wiped her mouth with a serviette. ‘Nothing is ever black and white, is it? Especially in relationships. Whether that be with friends, family, or lovers.’ She blew out noisily. ‘Poor Nate. But what happened doesn’t warrant the explosion I know revealing it would cause.’
‘Have you spoken to Orla?’
‘Just quickly on the phone last night.’
‘I dread to hear her worldly advice on infidelity.’ Mandy sucked her Coke noisily through a straw.
‘It was surprisingly useful, actually. She said if you don’t know what to do, do nothing, say nothing and the answer will just come to you when you’re ready.’ Vic screwed up the dirtied serviette and put it down on the tray. ‘So, the decision is made. I don’t know what to do yet, so I’m saying nothing. Not sure how I’ll live with the guilt, but I’m going to have to. And whilst I’m dealing with that, I need to have a good think about my future.’
‘We’ve made some of our best decisions under the watchful eye of Ronald McDonald, haven’t we?’ Mandy reminisced, looking at the life-size cut-out of the man in the corner.
Vic was thoughtful. ‘Hmm. Not sure about that corkscrew perm you had back in 1988, though.’
FIVE
OXFORDSHIRE
The Wedding
November 2005
October turned into November. Vic and Nate continued to pass like ships in the night. Their Sunday showers didn’t happen, and Nate didn’t even ask for them anymore. Conversations were short. After the first flush, Vic felt surprisingly little guilt. Nate didn’t seem to notice any difference in her. And then Mandy and Steve’s wedding was upon them, in a beautiful hotel in the Cotswolds. And as the happy couple shared their vows, Vic couldn’t help but feel a twinge of grief for the passion she and Nate had once shared. The absence of physical intimacy between them had created a quiet tension, a longing that hung in the air like unspoken words. She had managed to push the night with Danny right to the back of her mind. In fact, she was actually quite scared how easily her guilt had waned. Her justification for not saying anything was that it had been fun, a physical act of pleasure devoid of all emotion, and what goodwould it do to tell Nate and hurt him? Did that make her a coward?
Her decision to do nothing and say nothing, hadchangednothing. Because an answer hadn’t come to her yet, and she was still in the same state of flux she had been in prior to her infidelity. Maybe her cheating had in fact highlighted that, despite her confusion, she did see a future with Nate. Because if she had wanted to end it, then telling him she’d slept with another man for fun, after turning Nate down for sex on many an occasion, would be a sure-fire way to get him to leave her. Or maybe it was just that she was too scared to make a decision, because of the practicalities it would throw up. But that was no way to live.
The only decision she’d made was that Christmas – the ultimate buffer for wants, dreams and major life events – would mark the end of her procrastination. And as soon as the festivities were over, she would attempt to hatch a life plan.
The wedding service itself was beautiful. During the plethora of after-dinner speeches, including the best man, the mother of the bride, the father of the bride, the husband,thebride, and the second cousin of Aunt Fanny (when did just the best man’s speech become not enough?), Vic and Nate necked champagne like they had never tasted it before. Then, as the ballroom was being turned into a dance floor for the evening reception, Nate grabbed a half-full bottle of white wine and a couple of glasses from a table and led Victoria to a quiet corner.
‘Vic,’ Nate said as he poured them each a glass of chilled French Sauvignon.
‘Even the way you said my name sounded ominous then. What’s up?’ She took the offered glass.
‘We need to talk. We need to talk about us, Vic. Cheers.’ They clinked glasses. ‘It’s been so long since we… well, you know. Got jiggy. Played hide the sausage.’ He let out a weird noise, something between laughter and despair.
Vic’s face remained straight. ‘Can you ever be serious?’
‘That’s what you fell in love with, wasn’t it? The buffoon in me.’
