And I mean it. Loving Cody the way he deserves means putting control in his hands. I’m giving him the power to hurt me, like I should have all along.
His smile is almost piteous. “What happened to you? If I told you I had feelings for you any time before now, you’d have been pissed at me. You’d probably have joked about it and said my feelings would go away instantly if we ever got together.”
He knows me well. Snarky, self-deprecating Amy probably would have brushed off his feelings, because she was too fragile to carry their weight. She was hiding, dismissing the hurdles of life because she wasn’t brave enough to look them in the eyes.
“You’re right,” I say. “I was selfish.”
His smile grows. “You were. But it didn’t make a difference. I still wanted things I shouldn’t…” He shuts his eyes for a moment. “I’ll miss you. I hope I can…work through this so we can be friends again.”
My heart squeezes in my chest. “I hope so too. I already miss you.
Cody leaves, and I sit there alone. More tears fall, and I force myself to let them hover on my cheeks and slowly drip to my lap. Several people in the coffee shop give me double takes. When the game began, I lost my anonymity on campus. Anyone who knows what’s going on with the game—and that’s most people—probably assume my tears are for Tristan.
It’s my penance.
I have to apologize to him. No more hiding.
Fuck, it’s going to be difficult. The heartache of today has reduced my once pristine and fiercely guarded heart into dust. How will I summon the energy to lay it at Tristan’s feet?
I reach into my purse and find my phone. After clicking on Tristan’s name, I write out a text and press send before I get the chance to change my mind.
CHAPTER 29
Tristan
Amelia Harrington, you told me that all people are worthy of love. You were the first person to make me feel worthy of anything. You brought me to life six years ago, and I'll love you forever for it.
My palms are damp with sweat when I press save. God, I sound so needy, but it's nothing short of the truth. She was the first person who made me feel like something other than my looks or talent matter. When she looked into my eyes, she sawme.
The cursor blinks at the bottom of the last paragraph, and I close the document and the laptop. It's done, and my God, what an exhausting effort it was. If I weren’t so anxious, I’d be ready to collapse on my bed and take a nap.
Itemizing my feelings for Amy required more strength than a conditioning drill where I’m pushed to my physical limits. I hated having to sit still with these achingly vulnerable thoughts. My heart is near bursting with love for her, and it’s screaming at me to seek instant results. Any time I wrote a passage or even asentence that rang true, I had to fight the urge to grab my phone from my top dresser drawer and turn it on so I could call her and let these words pour out.
She deserves better than that. She deserves patience and grueling determination. I’ll tell her when the time is right.
Now, I need to make sure I get that opportunity.
I rise from the desk, stretching my arms high in the air after what feels like centuries hunched over the keyboard.
I head down the hallway to Nick's room. When I glance through the door, Harper is at his desk while Nick is sitting on the bed with his laptop.
"I need you to do something for me," I say to Nick.
He frowns. "What's up?"
I shove my shaking hands in my pockets to still them. "Can you and Serena make sure Amy comes to the closing ceremony? She doesn't have to stand up with the other contestants. She just needs to be in the crowd."
He winces. "She's been really upset lately. I don't think she'll?—"
"Tell her she'll be getting the ten K scholarship. I'm making sure of it. I can even have the administration office send an email confirming it if she doesn’t believe me, but she needs to be there."
His eyes dart to Harper and then back to me. "I'll see what I can do, but Harper needs to talk to you about something." His jaw ticks. "It might help with Amy."
A chill prickles over my skin as I look at Harper, who’s glaring daggers at Nick. “I came to you because I needed to vent,” she says. “Because I feel fucking awful.”
He scowls. “How do you think Tristan is going to feel?”
My stomach roils. "What is this about?"
