After a few moments in companionable silence, Maddox nudges me. “That didn’t answer your question. Do you really want to know?”
I nod even though every muscle in my body tenses.
“When you were under, I was going to say goodbye to her. Pretend like I’d just found her and say everything I didn’t think to say the first time.” His eyes close, face contorting like he’s reacting to the images in his mind. “But it’s too late.”
This time, when he opens his eyes to look at me, they’re soft. Like his hand is soft when he raises it to brush my cheek, curling into my hair.
“I couldn’t think of you as anyone but Evie, so it didn’t work.”
“But why did I need to be unconscious?”
“Because I didn’t want you to laugh at me. I didn’t want the secrets I shared with my sister to go anywhere further. Because I’m ashamed and embarrassed.”
Laughter bubbles out of me then, despite the horrible timing. “Sorry. It’s just hard to imagine you worrying what I think about you. Surely, you know I’m the one worried what you think about me.”
Maddox’s eyes light up. “Oh, yeah? This is a totally one-sided relationship, is it?”
“Are we in a relationship?”
He adjusts me so I sit astride him, arms linked behind my lower back, eyes resting peacefully on my face. “We are, aren’t we?” His eyes drop to my collar. “If you want to be.”
The answer is on my lips. Ready and waiting to be said.
As the pause elongates, Maddox frowns. He leans until his forehead rests on my collarbone. “I told you it wasn’t about sex and at the time I made the offer, it wasn’t. But I…” He swallows, throat clicking with dryness. “Do you want to hear this?”
“You had sex with me.”
He inclines his head. “Not intercourse but I touched you. Except it didn’t feel right because you weren’t… you weren’tawaketo agree to…” His torso shakes, his hands shake.
The answer still leaves me hollow, and I desperately want to understand. “Why don’t you want me when I’m awake?”
His eyes snap to mine. “I do.”
I press my hand against his crotch where nothing is excited to meet me. Apart from the first night, there’s been no outward sign of interest. “You don’t feel like you do. How can you be turned on when I’m asleep but… not…” My voice disappears beneath a rush of fear. “You only like my body when I’m not in it.”
“That’s not true.”
But it seems to be true. There’s no sign of anything happening in response to my touch.
I try to remind myself it’s fine if we’re just friends.Just friendshas a lot going for it. The wriggle of excitement pulsing between my legs can safely be ignored.
Maddox makes a weird hum. “I’ve never explained this to anyone before, so I apologise in advance if my wording choice sucks.”
“Duly noted.”
His dry palm cups my cheek, thumb caressing in small, rhythmic circles until I have to swallow, my throat’s so dry.
“I don’t feel sexual attraction like most people do, that’s the first thing you need to know. It’s not a reflection on you if I can’t get hard.”
With his head still resting on mine, I feel him swallow. Feel him fight to create the words then boot each one from his mouth in order.
“Oh.” I pluck at a crease on his shirt, playing with the explanation inside my head, trying to make it fit some place it belongs. “Like you’re asexual?”
“I think it’s more me finding someone I like and trust and just…know, inside and out.”
“Selective sexuality?”
His chuckle is strong enough to ruffle my hair.
