“It’s okay.” He reaches across to give a light caress across the back of my hand. “You’re allowed to stay at your flat if you prefer. I guess you have a lot of good memories there.”
It’s that kindness that sways me. The way he seems to know what it is I need, what gaps exist, then effortlessly fills them.
When I glance over, I’m struck with guilt. His beautiful mouth is swelling where Ant punched him. The reward for everything he’s done for me and my brother today, a fist in the face.
“What did you say to Ant?”
His glances out the window and for the longest time I think he won’t answer. Then he shifts in his seat, glances at me with an expression of longing. “He wanted to leave, so I told him what you did to pay for his treatment.”
Shock at his words makes me think I must have misunderstood. “No.”
But his gaze is calm as he meets mine. “Yes.”
My throat works but nothing comes out of it. I pluck at the skin, rubbing a knuckle against my windpipe like there’s a physical obstruction there instead of a roadblock installed by my brain.
Finally, I blurt, “And what did I do?”
Meaning,what did you do to me?
His eyebrows pull together as he scans my face. “You know what you did.”
I think he’ll make me ask again and I don’t know how to. It’s easier to just let it go. It’s almost always easier.
Maddox takes my hand, lifting it to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the back of it. Then he holds it against his cheek, closing his eyes. Two nights and I’ve barely seen him sleep. He must be exhausted.
“When we were in the restaurant, the first night, I kept thinking how much you looked like my sister.”
I frown, trying to place the information, then it clicks. The first night as he prepped a shot for Ant, he’d mentioned her. There’d been so much pain on his face. “She’s an addict.”
“She’s dead.” He keeps hold of my hand but his gaze travels outside the window again, scanning the clouds. “We thought she was finally clean. She was staying at home after years spent living rough because my dad refused to let her near when she was using. I came home one day and she…” He trails off, shaking his head.
My arms are around him, hugging him tightly as my fears from a few nights ago come flooding back at full force. “I’m so sorry.” The words are totally inadequate. “What a fucking mess.” Closer. “That must have torn your heart to pieces.”
I feel the press of his arms in return, his face buried in the crook of my neck, hiding from the world as he makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat.
My tears are hot as they stream down my face, in sympathy and for my own agony. For everything in my life that changed from the moment of my father’s accident. For losing my brother to the same curse, my father carelessly ignoring the effects as he turned his son into a dealer, then worse, into an addict.
I cry for the fear. For the cascade of people in my life who didn’t give a shit about me even when the government paid them to. For the horrors inflicted at my last home, when I truly thought I would die… and Ant saved me.
As I harness my emotions, I ask, “What was she like?”
“Moody. Irritable. But when she wanted to have fun, she was the most exciting person in the world. When we were little, she always dragged me into the weirdest adventures.”
“Like?”
“A prank scavenger hunt where you had to take a photo of what you were doing at each stop. Pretending the woods out by the old industrial site were haunted and going on expeditions to rid the place of ghosts.”
There’s a smile on his face, subtle but there. Nostalgia for a time when things were better.
“She had a knack with people, too. A complete extravert. She started a reading club for the retirement home and claimed it was because they had decades of the most extraordinary gossip.” I smile at the memory. “At one point she was going to combine all the best stories to create a book she thought would sell for millions.”
“Yeah?” I settle into his lap, resting my head beneath his chin, hearing the steady thump of his heart. “Did she get far?”
“No. That was around the time dad sent her away to attend Auckland Girls’ Grammar.” His voice turns wistful. “Even when she came home on school breaks, it was different. She was far too mature and far too cool to hang around with the likes of me.”
“Why did he send her to Auckland when Tiaki’s a better school?”
“Is it?” He shakes his head. “I don’t know. Probably to impress one of his friends. That’s why most things get done.”
