There is no more air.
And everything becomes blissfully blank.
“Here, drink,” he tells me as I become conscious. I can’t open my eyes; everything hurts. Pain is everywhere. I drink from a straw that’s shoved in my mouth.
And everything goes blank again.
Manhattan
December 12, 2011
I open my eyes.
I don’t know where I am.
His voice.
My mind is fuzzy.
There is nothing but pain.
I feel something wet underneath me.
Something is leaking out of me, and when I look down?—
Horror, endless horror, spreads through me.
Endless pain surges through my body.
This is real.
This is the reality.
I am pregnant.
And I have no idea how I got here.
I try to think, try to remember what happened.
But I can’t focus.
The pain comes in waves.
I can’t breathe properly.
I scream.
And scream again.
In me that need to push.
He tells me to push.
And so I do.
I can’t.
My mind separates itself from my body.
