He was right. Vex did blame himself for what had happened to Ashryn.
Another swallow and Declan answered, If only you had been a different person or allowed yourself to think differently, she… she would be alive today.
He felt a pulse of something–definitely pain–over his connection to Vex. He awaited angry denials or perhaps a fireball sent at his head. But his father did not contradict him. The connection between them was tightly controlled again and Vex’s emotions were not leaking through, but he knew his father was still listening to him. Listening intently.
I do not know how she died. I know that I did not kill her. But I think… I think you did, Declan whispered.
You dare say that?! Vex’s figure seemed to grow larger. Blacker. Were there wings appearing behind him?
But Declan did not stop despite knowing he was in the most danger now that he had ever been. She only did what she did, because of fear of you. If she could have trusted you, told you the truth about her pregnancy, about her desire to keep me… Everything that happened was because of you, Father. You know this.
Vex was silent. The silhouette was still. The wings–or whatever they were–fluttered, but the figure did not swoop down to attack him. He supposed if Vex wanted to kill him, the Night King could do so from this distance anyway. Probably without even lifting a finger. But, unlike Ashryn, Declan would not act out of fear of Xelroth Vex. When there was no answer seemingly forthcoming, Declan realized that what happened next was, in a way, up to him. At least, what he did next.
I am going to find my friends. I am going to get them safely home, Declan told his father as he hefted Ardreth. The sword could open a rift back to Earth. I have nothing against you. I want nothing from you. Leave me alone and I will leave you alone. Forget about me. Let me live my life as Declan Wilde. Prince Rahven Vaeduzor Zinsadoral Vex never existed. He was only ever a dream… Someone else’s dream. Not mine.
He did not wait to see if Vex would say or do anything in response to his declaration. He turned on his heel and headed in the opposite direction of the Night King, the direction he had sensed Aquilan in. His shoulders were tense, even as he allowed Ardreth to become a tattoo along his spine once more, as he awaited a killing blow.
But it did not come.
He forced himself not to look back to see if Vex still stood there. He told himself that even if the Night King did not kill him now, the elf did not love him either. And the part of him that ached–just a little–at the thought of that quieted as he continued to walk. There were others in this life that loved him and he must be there for them.
He would be there for them.
The crater’s surface was strange. Glass-like. Potentially from great heat. Declan could only imagine the type of power it would have taken to have created this wound in the Under Dark. That Vex had ever thought it could be him seemed ridiculous in the extreme. And that he had done this to kill Lady Ashryn?
Even learning that she was his mother and that she had left him to the tender mercies of Vulre and the belief that he was jadir would not have been enough for him to lose control and do this. Even though he had been younger then–and potentially more volatile and less able to control his emotions–he knew enough about himself that he would not have done this to her.
But what happened here? He wondered. Something cataclysmic. Something that destroyed the wards maybe?
That thought disturbed him greatly. Had he been here when the wards that separated the Under Dark and Earth were shattered? Had his very presence here caused that to happen? Was he in some small or large way responsible for Earth being invaded by the Leviathan? For the death of billions? He nearly stumbled at the thought. He put a hand over the center of his chest. Feeling the Adiva there. Neither cold nor hot. Neutral without any Sun to protect him from. Yet it centered him to touch it. If he had played some role in what happened here, he could not undo it. He could only go forward. He could only try to protect what was left.
Or will I blame Vex for this too?
It had been cruel on some level to blame the Night King for Ashryn’s death. She had made decisions, too. Bad ones though maybe for good reasons. Vex’s personality was a known quantity when she’d conceived him and decided to keep him. It had been a desperate game she’d been playing. Maybe one that had always been destined to fail.
But why did we come here? He wondered.
He’d heard often enough from the others as they battled their way through the dark of the Pedway that none could find Illithor–let alone enter it–except Vex. So maybe the wards were simply weakened over time. Or maybe Ashryn’s knowledge of Vex allowed her to find what was hidden from others. He supposed he would never know. Unless he remembered… But his mind was a locked box to him. And now knowing she was dead, he had no desire to open it again.
Rahven?! Someone called his name.
His head snapped up. Ardreth appeared in one hand and Krith in the other. He dropped low and slowly spun around. It was not Vex who had called his name. It was a… a woman.
“Rahven, I told you to stay back in the city,” Ashryn’s voice sounded full of affection and frustration too.
Declan’s lips parted in wonder. He stared about him, looking for the Kindreth woman. But he saw no one and nothing. He was near the very center of the crater from what he could tell. The center of the blast. But there was no one there, but him.
“But I don’t want to be away from you,” his own voice–but younger–responded.
Declan spun around towards where his younger voice seemed to be coming. He thought he heard footfalls as if a young boy was jogging towards him. But there was no slender figure there. He was still alone.
But not.
“I do not want to be away from you either, my darling,” Ashryn answered. Her voice thrilled with love. Then it became concerned once more as she added, “But it is dangerous out here. The wards are tricky and I need to keep my full attention on them.”
“I will protect you while you work,” Declan’s younger voice was filled with sullen determination.
“I see. How did you get past Vulre?” she asked. “I told him to watch you.”
