“Dani,” he growled, when he drew back with a shuddering gasp. Dani, not Danitalin, with emphasis on the family parts of my name. To him, I was Dani, me, and no one else. “This is dangerous,” he said, but he kissed me again, and the passion between us only burned brighter. He did feel. He feltsomuch. But it still seemed distinct—two matching waves crashing together with theforce of nature.
“I don’t care,” I told him breathlessly. My hands were around his neck, clinging to him, holding him close. “I want you,” I told him, and I slid my legs apart, raising one to throw over his hip. There were more firm edges of armor and muscle; Jaxin could not possibly feel much of me through it, but he groaned as if he did. His hand on my back tightened, slid lower, and cupped my ass. It shot a lance of bright pleasure through my veins, pulsing between my thighs. The sensation was so new to me that I blinked as stars burst bright and hot across my vision.
“You don’t know what you’re dealing with, Dani,” Jaxin warned again. He was pulling away, and the bright feelings crashing and colliding between us began to fade. I didn’t know how he did that, but he began to cool. Now, it was just me feeling all that bright passion, and that felt lonely and a little terrifying. I discovered that when feeling something as powerful as passion, it was scary to be alone in it.
“What happened?” I asked, my voice weak and trembling on the question, as if I were on the verge of tears. Yanking back from him, I began pulling the blanket around me, as if that could somehow pull the tatters of my dignity back into place too. Jaxin watched me do it, rolling away and rising to his feet, a beast of a male towering over me, cast in shadows that clung to his black armor.
“Something that can’t happen again,” he said, but he hesitated. “Unless…” He swallowed the rest of that sentence as if it were so powerful he could not utter it out loud. The air tingled between us, and I rose to my feet, shrouded in the blanket as if to answer the unspoken. My mind was spinning, and though my body was slowly cooling from the heat he’d ignited, I was not ready to forget.
Rummicaron suppressed their feelings; they had to be doing that for a good reason… What was that reason? Now my curiosity was sparked, but it was a selfish curiosity, because I wanted more of what had just happened, much more. Hadn’t I thought more than once already that sleeping with Jaxin could be my one chance at experiencing that kind of physical intimacy? Now I knew for sure, and I couldn’t stand the thought of letting the opportunity pass me by.
“Unless what, Jaxin?” I said, proud of how firm I sounded when I was just a tiny Aderian in a sheet, facing off with a beastly Rummicaron. He growled, as if my question infuriated him, and spun away. The air felt thick with feelings, but most of it was the coolness of a wall. Now that my gift was coming back, recovering from yesterday’s burnout, I felt more details. He wasn’t cold and empty behind that wall, but like an animal rattling his cage. Somehow… he could block me from feeling it, perhaps even block himself from feeling it, but it wasthereall the same.
When he stopped pacing, he was facing away from me, his hands on his hips. I admired the sharp rise of his fin between his shoulder blades and the wide stretch of his shoulders beneath his armor. His voice was grim when he spoke, and he still did not turn—but then, I didn’t think his expression would tell me anything anyway. “Unless you want to tangle with the true Rummicaron beast inside of me.”
I did not know what that meant, but Jaxin was clearly done talking. He kept his back to me and focused on practical tasks, like sorting our meager supplies and heating a food ration for us to share. I gave up when he refused to answer the third question in a row. Fine, I’d find out some other way.
Chapter 11
Danitalin
I’d gotten dressed in the clothing from yesterday, which Jaxin had thoughtfully laid out to dry beside his small portable heater. The clothing felt a bit stiff and itchy after its trip through the water, and I wondered if it even made sense to put it on if we were going to have to swim back out anyway. It felt good to cover myself, though, to wrap the fabric around me like a shield.
Jaxin still ignored me, but I hoped that had more to do with his own tattered control than mine. I tried to feel sympathy for his situation, a male used to feeling nothing, suddenly swept away in the tide of passion from earlier. That had to feel scary, the way it had to me. The only difference was that I’d spent my whole life learning to deal with those feelings, and he hadn’t.
“Where is my bag with the research?” I asked, testing to see if the more mundane question would elicit a response. It didn’t cause much more than a tilt of his head my way and a hand vaguely pointing at where we’d slept. I eyed the spot with a little apprehension, as if going back to it would trap me back in those intense feelings. I knew it wouldn’t, so I forced myself to walk over and pick up the satchel lying there.
My tablet was still in it, and when I thumbed it on, it lit up. Good. I knew it was waterproof, but I couldn’t help the little niggle of doubt that it would hold out. If any of the files on this tablet got corrupted, it might set back my work on the cure by months, if not years. When would I have the chance again to test so many samples, or have access to getmoreof the flower? Jaxin was trying to evacuate me from the planet, and I knew that Aderia would not allow me to return here a second time.
Sliding the tablet back into the satchel, I counted the slides and boxes of samples that remained, and came to a horrifying conclusion: not enough. There should have been ten of each, but I discovered only three—three of the slightly bigger conservation containers, and my small crate with empty containers and preservers. “No,” I moaned, dropping to my knees to double-check by spreading all the satchel’s contents across the rock floor. I counted again, but came to the same abysmal conclusion: most of my samples were gone.
“What’s wrong?” Jaxin asked, surprising me with the calm question. He approached with the crunch of his boots against the stone, and a shiver shot down my spine, born entirely of anticipation. My body expected something from his nearness that I had no name for, but itwas definitely unique to him. Right now, that wasn’t enough to calm the racing of my mind or the panic beginning to claw through my chest.
“My samples are gone. I can’t finish my research without those samples.” Of that, I was certain, and it was absolutely imperative that I finish this work. Ihadto find a cure, not only because those people in need of it were legion and desperate, but because I knew I’d never sleep well until I had completed this task.
“I see,” Jaxin said, but in a tone that made it clear he did not understand why this was so dire. Perhaps it was the calmness of his Rummicaron nature, or at least the nature the Rummicaron presented to the galaxy. Maybe it was simply because, as a soldier, he had no understanding of the importance of a sample as tiny as the ones I’d been carrying.
I spun, found myself confronted by his towering form, and leaped to my feet. When I wobbled unsteadily, he casually reached out to support me, one hand on my hip. Too intimate, too close, and I relished the touch anyway. I dropped my hand to his fingers and clutched it to me, soaking up the warmth of his palm through the thin fabric of my shirt and pants.
“You don’t understand, I need those samples, Jaxin. I can’t finish my cure if I don’t bring enough samples back with me. Aderia will never let me return to Radin a second time. This is my one shot!” The images that filled my mind made my chest grow tight and my breathing grow short: weakened bodies, hacking coughs, and foul air—death coming too soon for those affected, and not fast enough for those forced to observe.
“We don’t have time for this,” Jaxin said. “We’re stretched thin as it is, and the extraction point is still quite a distance to walk. We must concentrate our efforts on escape, not on frivolous samples.” The words infuriated me, and I hissed, shoving away his hand—one that had moments ago given me comfort, even if that wasn’t how he’d intended the gesture.
“How can you say that! Frivolous? Finding a cure for the damage Roka pollution causes isnotfrivolous, it’s dire, and it’s as necessary as breathing. Do you not know how many are affected by this every year?” I braced my hands on my hips and leaned in so he could read the seriousness on my face. I was tempted to call him a few names—idiot, cruel, maybe heartless—but I didn’t need to.
“Roka pollution damage?” Jaxin said, and now he did not sound cool and calculated; he sounded shocked, even caught off guard. “That’s what you’re working on? How close are you? Can it be done?” He folded a hand around my shoulder to push me aside, then quickly dropped to his knees to secure the tablet and the remaining handful of samples in the pouches on his belt. Suddenly, it felt like these were important to him the way they had been to me.
“I thought I was close,” I said hoarsely. “But just before D’aron took us hostage, there was a setback… I don’t know. The flowers here do contain an agent that binds to the pollutants, but it degrades too fast to be effective. If I can solve that issue, then… maybe?” There were still so many variables that giving a timeline was impossible. It certainly wasn’t a matter of days, probably not even weeks. What D’aron had demanded I try to do had neverbeen possible.
Jaxin did not seem to be listening, at least, that’s what it seemed like, because he had his back to me. He had taken what was in the satchel and secured it to his body, and now he paced around the cave as if checking that we were leaving nothing behind. I tried once again, because this was so important I really couldn’t give up. “We have to get more samples. I have a map on my tablet with locations of fields where we can harvest the flower. There might be one that’s along our route…”
“Oh, we’re going,” Jaxin said, briefly confusing me. Going to the extraction point, or to get new samples? “How much do you need to be able to finish your cure? I have a larger bag we can unfold and fill, if need be.” He pulled it free from his belt to demonstrate, and the fabric shook out to be a sack that could perhaps even fit me. That much would be more than I could ever carry; it could definitely mean I could finish my work.
“You mean that?” I said, wide-eyed. It was such an abrupt turnabout from the immediate denial before. Was it because this was about Roka? It was a drug that was extremely popular with the Rummicaron because it induced an emotional type of euphoria they supposedly could not feel. Other species could also get hooked on it, but it was a pandemic among his species. That should have clued me in, and I was surprised I had not considered that until now. Jaxin probably knew people who’d been affected either by the drug or by the pollution its manufacture caused.
“Yes, now let’s go. We’re wasting daylight.” He swept me into his arms without warning, and only a gruff “Take a deep breath” clued me in that he was about to leap into the water with me. I gasped for air, and then he jumped. I was notready for the cold water, and it slammed into my body like a blow. It was instinct to try to gasp for air, and it was an instinct I only barely managed to curb.
The water was dark as night, and I could not see a thing as Jaxin spun us around and then began swimming. All I could do was clutch at his shoulders and hope for the best. In his grasp, I could not even try to swim with him, but he didn’t need my help anyway. I felt the rush of the water tug at my clothing, saw the darkness turn to light as we emerged from the underwater cave, and then we breached the surface.
