No, I could not claim her without looking into her eyes while I did it. Not when she was out cold from sheer exhaustion after what was probably the most harrowing experience of her life. I pictured that—what she’d gone through as a hostage—and it helped calm my ardor, if not my rage. Dani was such a small woman, and she’d been alone, standing up to her oppressors, I knew it. The truth of that was in the cut she’d suffered on her chin, and I knew exactly how she’d gotten it: the blade of a Kertinal’s tail. Now, I regretted not killing the Kertinal bastard I’d seen in the hallway shortly after Dani had screamed.
Cleaning myself up was the work of a quick dive in the cool water. Then, I secured our camp, but I wasn’t ready to call the Varakartoom for a check-in just yet. I made sure the small heater was aimed at my Aderian scientist so she was cozy as I set up alarms and laid an underwater booby trap in case we did get company. Then, I scarfed down two rations and worked myself over with the regenerator.
I checked Dani, but she was neither deficient in nutrients nor injured beyond a few minor scrapes and bruises. The recoil from the not-Bex cannon had sent herrolling, but that had been a good thing; it had prevented her from getting hurt. I healed the minor scrapes and bruises she did have, anyway. Then, I gave her previously dislocated shoulder another round for good measure. She had not complained about it or favored it after I had treated it, but that didn’t mean it was healed.
The cave filled with silence once I put the regenerator away, filled only with the soft in and out of her breathing. The blanket was thin and clung to her breasts, and I was a pervert for staring the way I was. My eyes flicked to the disturbed dirt at her side, then to her face. With a rough groan, I forced my tired body to its feet and walked away. I needed a distraction; I needed rest, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep if I lay down next to her.
“Mitnick, do you read?” I muttered into my comm after only a brief moment of hesitation. It was deep into the night cycle aboard theVarakartoomnow, but I had a feeling he’d still be on the bridge. The communication specialist wasn’t much of a sleeper either, especially now that his mate was with child. Not that it showed yet, but the scent was unmistakable to my nose.
My thoughts immediately filled with images of Dani, heavy with my baby, her belly swollen, and her… I cursed, because this was the last thing I needed to be thinking about, especially when my friend had just answered. If anything, I knew I’d make a lousy parent, a danger to be around for something that small and fragile.
“I read you loud and clear, Jaxin. What’s up?” Mitnick sounded his usual self, collected, just friendly enough to be pleasant but not overwhelming. The perfect kind of voice for a communication specialist, really. It inspired trust,confidences, especially when it greeted me in the dark of night. I wassonot tellinghimabout my spiraling, possessive thoughts on Dani, though.
“Just checking in. What’s the status on that extraction? Is the location confirmed? Dani… the payload is not in good shape. I don’t want her to make that kind of journey unless we’re sure.” She would stubbornly grit her teeth and do it, and I’d end up carrying her because I could not stand the sight. For both our sakes, we needed to conserve our energy—spend it wisely, and only when needed. In this cave, we could hole up for a while, safe from the giant.
My thoughts immediately filled with options for how we could fill our time, and none of them were suited for Mitnick’s ears. He was oblivious to the depraved inner workings of my undampened mind, thankfully. He launched into a spiel about the complicated Kertinal politics involved, which I forced myself to listen to with gritted teeth. The bottom line was that he didn’t know yet—Asmoded was still negotiating. Even the captives they’d taken and handed over to Kertinal authorities hadn’t softened the way yet.
“Sounds like you might have to pull out the big guns,” I said gruffly. My eyes went to Dani, still asleep and looking peaceful in her slumber. “Call the Aderian authorities and let them arrange the extraction point.” Mitnick made some familiar joke about the slow-moving bureaucracy of the Aderians, but I didn’t laugh. He expected me to, because I often faked that kind of thing. This time, undampened as I was, I simply did not find it funny. “For her, they’ll move,” I said. I would—and they’d hired us to get her—so I was certain they knew just how specialshe was, too.
Mitnick parsed that for a moment, and then agreed he’d pass it on to Asmoded. “Male is in his office, but Mandy went in a moment ago, so I expect she’s prying him out of his chair right now.” I grunted, this time definitely amused at the image of tiny Mandy bodily dragging a giant Naga like Asmoded out of his seat. It was impossible.
Shortly after, Mitnick disconnected the call, and I no longer had a handy distraction to keep me from doing something extremely stupid. I should slide into the beckoning water and go to sleep, I hated sleeping on dry land, after all. Somehow, the water did not look nearly as tempting as one tiny, anthracite-colored female. She had long, shiny locks of black hair, though they lay tangled and slightly curled about her shoulders. Rummicaron did not have hair, and it was a lure as tempting as her body.
In the end, I could not resist the call. I lay down next to her, firmly keeping my clothing—my armor—on, and then I gathered her, blanket and all, into my arms. She roused just enough to blink sleepily at me with her huge eyes, shiny black mirrors that reflected my big, brutish features back at me. I thought she’d say something, protest, but she slipped back into slumber right away.
I did not sleep as easily as she did, and it was only a battle I won after hours of mental exercises. When I did sleep, my rest was filled with dreams and memories.
Chapter 10
Danitalin
I woke the way I always did: my eyes slid open, and awareness was sudden and immediate. There was never a twilight moment for me, stuck between awake and asleep. Also, just like always, I remembered the dreams. There had been many, and most were as familiar as an old friend by now. Some of my dreams had been permeated with the horrors of the past few days. Most were tributes to the horrors that had set me on this path in the first place.
There were differences this morning, and my mind was sluggish to catalog them. My body was cocooned in warmth, for instance, but the surface I was lying on was firm, and it moved slowly up and down. This wasn’t a bed; it wasn’t even remotely similar to sleeping at my desk at the lab or the uncomfortable bunk waiting for me if I did give sleep anhonest shot. Not that I would—or had—all this time I’d been on Radin. It wouldn’t be, anyway, because we weren’t at the lab.
We… Maybe I wasn’t as awake as I thought I’d been, because he hadn’t crossed my mind until now. Jaxin. I had to be lying against him, my head pillowed on his chest. I’d never lain like that with a living person before, maybe that’s why I hadn’t realized that’s what this was. My empathic gift was so powerful that so much skin-to-skin contact would overwhelm me. I’d be filled with the feelings of the other, and it would eclipse me so completely, I’d feel like I’d ceased to exist.
This was such a novel sensation that I sighed with content as I took it in. Jaxin was closed to me, cool, silent, yet his body was warm. Now that I knew it was him, I could make out the arm beneath my head, the other over my waist and curled against my back. We were on our sides, facing each other, and I felt sheltered by the massive size of him. Even the knowledge that his head was right above mine did not dampen the content mood. If he opened that mouth with its sharp rows of teeth, he could probably bite my head clean off… It didn’t matter because I knew with unshakable faith that he never would.
Jaxin was a protector to his very core, but he was still a mercenary and a Rummicaron. We were too different, and he lived a life too dangerous for me ever to be part of it. That halted my thoughts in their tracks. Part of it? I was already thinking of futures that couldn’t be, as if I desired to make them real anyway. It was crazy. Just because my gift-burned mind now had a taste of what physical intimacy could be like? A Rummicaron might be safe to be around for my gift—calm, quiet—but he couldn’tfeel, which meant he could never care about me. I was pretty sure I’d eventually come to need knowing I was loved.
It was the first time in days that I’d had a decent amount of sleep. In fact, I felt more rested than I had in a long while, despite the familiar dreams. Was that because Jaxin had held me through the night? Kept me warm? Sheltered me? I had not considered how big an impact such an act could have on the Aderian mind, but it was clear that it did. It was very tempting to curl my head more tightly against his chest and allow sleep to take me again.
A twinge of pain shot through my chest when I pressed closer—it jolted me. It wasn’t my pain but his, it had to be. He’d been so closed off so far that I was certain there was nothing at all… What if it wasn’t his lack of feeling, but my lack of gift that made this blissful moment possible? And why did his chest hurt?
I shifted back in his arms and lifted my hand from somewhere along his ribs to press it against the black carapace of armor that covered his sternum. My fingers were more silver than black in comparison, and they seemed very small against the wide planes of muscle and bone. The blanket that covered me fell back a little, and, suddenly, I was very aware of how naked I was beneath it. Naked? When had that happened? I definitely did not recall undressing, but I did recall being soaked to the bone after that harrowing swim.
“Morning, Dani,” Jaxin chose that moment to rumble, and I felt his words vibrate beneath my fingers. My chin shot up, but I still could not see his face, just the sharp edge of his chin, the line of his jaw, and the intriguing linesof his gills along his neck. He did not make things easier by dipping his head down so I could see his face, either. No, he did this weird thing where he leaned a little closer and the edge of his jaw actually touched my forehead and hair. Warmth seemed to slip around me, not from his arms, not from the blankets; it was something coming from him. I wondered… was it a feeling he was seeping gently, softly, after all? No, that was impossible.
“Morning, Jaxin. What now? Is it safe for your friends to pick us up?” He was sent here, supposedly, by the Aderian authorities to rescue me. I was starting to believe that even if that was a lie, Jaxin would not do anything to harm me. Maybe he was even the right male to trust with knowledge of my research. I recalled the Kertinal mercenary pretending to cut my throat, the cold, cruel look in D’aron’s eyes. I shivered, remembering that someone so mean, so evil, was after a cure meant to help people—only so he could exploit it in some horrible way.
“We’ll have to walk to the extraction point. Have you rested sufficiently?” he asked. The sharp, lancing pain in his chest had let up, vanishing as if I had imagined it. He began shifting away, moving his arms from around me as he sat up. The blanket fell back, exposing my bare breasts, and I wasn’t fast enough to yank it back to cover me. His head lowered quickly this time, black eyes locking onto my briefly exposed body. He’d definitely gotten a full view, and he was not immune to the sight.
A growl rumbled through the cave—so low, so deep—that it was more of a vibration I felt than heard. My senses tingled, stretched; they were definitely not as burned out as they’d been yesterday. Eight hours of solid sleep had donewonders to restore much of my equilibrium, and my gift. I felt caught in his gaze, trapped like prey by a predator, and at the same time, heat spiraled through my body—so wild and powerful that I shook from it.
That was his feeling, but rather than sweep me away until I could not feel myself, it was as if an answering tide was rising within me. All me, it coursed through me, pure, wild, and powerful. I’d never felt anything like it, and a shocked moan rose from my throat. As if a dam had broken, he lunged, and then his mouth was on me, not with teeth, but with soft heat and silky touches. A kiss unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Not that I had much experience to begin with, even kissing had been too overwhelming for my gift in the past.
We tangled together, my naked body against the hardness of his armor. His hands felt rough against my skin as he gathered me close and pinned me to the ground. They felt good, too, like they reminded me that I was alive, that I was made of flesh and blood. For the first time in forever—maybe for the first time, period—I was not in my head. I was a being of feeling and passion, combusting in his arms as he kissed me. Me, Danitalin: the untouched, the fragile, the gifted. I’d been on that island, that pedestal, for so long, it felt like I was crashing to the ground like an avalanche now.
