“You’re in yer quarters, of course,” the man says with a nervous little chuckle. “Aboard the Jolly Roger.”
I stiffen at that. My eyes dart to my elbow the only part of my arm poking out from behind my back, keeping that accursed hook out of sight. A hook? The Jolly Roger? My eyes dart back to the man as I realize why he looks so familiar. I had been working with a casting director to find someone to play him. “Mr. Smee?”
“Aye, Captain, that be my name. Don’t wear it out.” Smee lets out another nervous chuckle. I feel like joining in.
I hold up a shaky finger, pointing at him. “I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I don’t have any money.If you’re looking for a ransom, then you kidnapped the wrong person.”
Is that what happened? They cut off my hand and sent it to my family? I imagine my mom getting a package back on the family farm in Idaho and try not to throw up.
My mom has seen a lot of things running our farm, but I’m pretty sure my severed hand might even make her sick. “My family doesn’t have any money either.”
“Begging your pardon, Captain, but what family?”
“Uh…” I stutter, surprised by this man’s polite question that seems extraordinarily out of left field. And also a bit too familiar for a kidnapper and kidnappee, but then I’ve read that if you are kidnapped you should try to build a rapport with your kidnapper. Remind them that you’re a human being and maybe make them feel bad for snatching you.
Bad enough that they would even take murdering you and dumping your body in the woods off the table.
“My mom—”
“Did you hit your head, Captain? You’ve been a lost boy for at least a few centuries. You don’t have no mama. It’s why I had to raise you.”
Okay, now this is getting confusing.
“You must have me confused with some other guy,” I gasp out as I push to my feet. “Listen, if you just let me go,I will let this slide. I won’t tell anyone. I won’t try to avenge my hand…” I mean, I want justice and I’m going to have to go through the rest of my life without my hand, but if I get out of this with my life then I guess I should just count myself fortunate.
This “Mr. Smee” laughs at that. It isn’t even one of his nervous chuckles, this is a full-onI think you missed your calling to be a comedianbelly laugh. “You’ve been trying to avenge your hand for as long as I’ve known you, don’t expect me to believe you’ll change your ways now.”
I open my mouth to ask him what exactly happened to my hand, but now that I’m on my feet I can see out the window, and my view is filled with water. Water, water everywhere…
I suddenly find it hard to swallow.
My agoraphobia kicks into high gear. “Where is the land?” I cry, my voice cracking.
“Captain?”
The openness of the sea is making me feel ill. The only thing standing between me and death by drowning (or being eaten by a shark) is some wood and nails. I brace my hand against the table as the world swims before my eyes. And I don’t think it has anything to do with the water. “Get me to land.”
“Pardon?”
I turn my head, frowning. “Port? Is that what you call it? Make port.” I don’t finish my thoughtand get me off this boat.
“Aye, Captain,” Smee stutters out. He turns to the door of the captain’s quarters and begins hollering. Things like, bring her about, and change the colors. To be honest, I am barely capable of half understanding what he is saying, I’m too busy panicking.
Smee sighs, shaking his head. “It always makes me sad to see the skull and crossbones come down. It‘s like we’re making the Roger something she isn’t… still, on your orders, Captain.”
I swallow, nodding to acknowledge him. Really what I feel like doing is crying. Or maybe laughing hysterically.
I’ve been kidnapped by pirates. That’s weird enough, but for some reason they think I’m their captain. Still, I won’t argue. Once we get to land, I can sort this out with the authorities. I glance at my arm and swallow my bile as I look at the hook. I twist it slightly before I decide I’ll probably be sick if I keep that up.
And maybe check myself into a hospital too…
