Chapter Five
Vera
Step one of my plan quickly became step one and a half. Then one and three quarters. And eventually I just made it step two.
Who knew that getting legs again would be so difficult?
Step 1.1—find the bottles that will make me and Naia human. Conveniently those were already made and sitting on a shelf in my little captain’s quarters alchemy lab. I guess for plot reasons, they’re readily available, but I’m not complaining. I know nothing about alchemy and probably would have blown up half the ocean trying to make them. This part of this plan is completed.
Step 1.2—get out of the middle of the ocean so we don’t drown. This step was suggested by Naia, but I quickly agreed to it. Fortunately, Naia knows her way around theocean because if it was up to me, we would have been swimming in circles till we starved. After swimming for longer than I would care to admit, this part of the plan is also complete.
Step 1.3—find some clothes, because I’m not about to be running around pantsless. This is the part of the plan that is proving to be a bit more difficult than anticipated. Naia knows nothing about the human world so she can’t be of any help here. And I may have been a human my whole life, but I know nothing aboutthisworld, which is ironic because it seems to be a mirror of the world that I made.
We have spent hours swimming up and down the shore, looking for anyone who left the clotheslines out and unattended but with no such luck.
Step two, ideally, is to finally drink the potion and become human again.
But first, we need clothes. I bite on my lip as I bob up and down in the gently lapping waves and consider my options. I know how Moira gets clothes in the script. She sneaks aboard the Jolly Roger which is disguised as a merchant ship and sitting in the harbor.
It’s where she meets her primary love interest in the story, Captain Hook.
This is a plot point that I’m trying to work around since even though Captain Hook is supposed to be an extraordinarily hot, morally grey pirate who eventually becomes obsessed with Moira and kills all her enemies for her…he starts off the story as a siren hunter who tries to kill her. And all those traits are only attractive in fictional men.
In real life, he would be a walking red flag.
Not to mention that he winds up killing her—er, I guess me—at the end of the story.
Yeah, it’s best to just avoid Captain Hook altogether.
Unfortunately, there does not appear to be unattended pants anywhere else in this whole port town. Which is crazy to me. Needless to say, that is how I find myself bobbing outside the Jolly Roger, or at least I assume it’s the Jolly Roger. It’s the only boat with a window open anyway. As if the plot is beckoning me inside to my tall, dark, and totally not emotionally available destiny waiting inside.
Well, destiny can take a raincheck, I am not about to fall for the guy who is going to kill me.
I turn to Naia, making sure that she is following me. “Okay, we get in, we grab the pants, we hide from the pirates, then we make a mad dash for the gangplank and disappear into the bustling crowd. In and out. Got it? We are not under any circumstances falling for any red flags.”
Naia nods. I don’t think she understood much of what I said, but she doesn’t bring that up. She’s a sweet girl, I always liked her while writing her, even if I did specifically make her a perfect little Mary Sue. At least she’s humble and sweet. Plus, she doesn’t talk back to me even though she honestly should.
I just forced her to bargain away her most powerful magic, and now I’m taking her on a heist to get pants. She should be asking at least a few questions.
Her hair is done up with cute little seashells woven in. I want to ask her how she did that and see if she would do my hair, but first we must complete step 1.3 of my plan. We need to get some pants.
I glance up at the open window. It’s a good bit above the water line. I wonder if I can make that jump.
Well, I guess the only way to know is to try.
I draw in a deep breath, diving down into the water before I remember that I can still breathe underwater. I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever get used to.
The sooner I can get legs the better. But first… the pants.
I flip over and hold my arm up since I think that will help with aerodynamics a bit and start kicking my fin as fast as I can. I break the surface and go flying up. My eyes widen in shock as I shoot up higher than expected. A second later, I’m slamming into the windowsill. My fin, whichis so maneuverable underwater, is like a dead weight as I struggle to shimmy in.
I gasp out as I break free. I sit up on my elbows, checking to make sure that I’m alone. I am, just as I had expected.
In the script Hook doesn’t enter until after Moira is dressed because I wasn’t writing a rated R film, thanks very much. And there they are, sitting on a crate as if airing out. A shirt and a pair of trousers. I yank one of the potions out of my satchel and down it.
Pins and needles start up, followed by a warm sensation as if blood is pumping to my toes for the first time in a long time. I almost cry out at the relief of feeling toes again, but instead I leap to my newly reclaimed feet and rush to the clothes. I throw them on in record time, even yanking on the black shirt even though I am wearing a fairly modest wrap around my middle. I still don’t like showing this much of my arms usually.
I’ve been too busy working on my script to visit the gym lately and it shows in my skinny, untoned arms. I think it’s weird that Moira would look exactly like me straight down to my untoned arms, but here we are. Maybe I self-inserted just a bit too much while writing this script.
