A single tear ran down her cheek and landed on the bed.
“I know—oof!”
Celine fell on her, hugging her, while Dahlia lay down beside her, hugging her arm. What started as a giggle ended with them tearfully wiping their eyes. Sitting up, they leaned against each other. Helena put her hand on Dahlia’s stomach.
“We understand that we, each of us, have our own way of living our lives; you are doing what you think is right by your sister,” Dahlia said.
“And what would have become of them if you had not been the responsible sister that you are? Surely your parents cannot fault you for doing what you had to in assuring Chastity’s best chances in marriage,” Celine added.
“Thank you,” Helena said weakly. “Sometimes, I question if I am fit to be my sisters’ guardian. “I hardly know anything about the world. I can run a household; I had to teach myself that. I can navigate social scenarios, but what do I really know of life? Not much. Perhaps that is why I agreed to Matteo’s plan. He seems to know quite a good deal about life, certainly more than I.”
“Matteo,” Celine hesitated. “He, ah, he has not been improper in any way, has he?”
“No, indeed not, he has been the perfect gentleman,” Helena answered. She spoke the truth, for aside from his constantly holding her hand, there was only their waltz together that had any physical contact. So she did not know why her cheeks heated at Celine’s question.
“We have always known him as a rake,” Dahlia said. “Indeed, when we used to observe him and Peter during the rare balls that they would attend, he did seem the part. But as Peter’s friend, I have gotten to know him better. And I think that he is just like the rest of us.”
“And what is that?” Helena asked.
“A person looking for a place to belong.”
“Hmm,” Helena replied softly.
“Promise us one thing, Helena,” Celine implored.
“Yes?”
“Be very careful that you do not mistake love for duty.”
“I, I do not know what you are…”
“Just promise us.”
Helena nodded.
“And be honest with yourself, dear Helena. Please.” Dahlia added.
Again, Helena nodded.
That night, as Helena prepared for bed, she played her friends’ words back in her mind.
Be very careful that you do not mistake love for duty.
Be honest with yourself.
Spoken so softly, so earnestly, their words resonated in her heart as well. Perhaps they both knew what they were talking about, for each of them had had to fight their own battles as well.
Helena watched the moon from her window. The night felt more silent than usual, as if it too had heavy thoughts to ponder. Deciding to leave the drapes open, she slipped into bed and rested on her side. She watched the night sky as she tried to settle herself from the day’s emotions.
Speaking her troubles to Celine and Dahlia had been a great relief. It helped her focus on the things that she must do.
But there was a truth in her that she had chosen to keep hidden, even from her friends. It remained simmering, unsettled. Perhaps it was what her friends had alluded to when they had said those words. But she had not been ready to tell them, and so, there it remained, in the hidden parts of her heart.
Matteo.
She had not meant to care for him; indeed, she felt the exact opposite at the beginning of their acquaintance. But now, it was as if she did not know herself. Her opinions had changed; her certainty had been challenged.
She had thought him too sure of himself, shallow and careless, but having spent time with him, Matteo made her see the depth of his character. He asked questions, and he listened to people—really listened. What she thought was carelessness was a ruse to keep others away, perhaps to filter the people in his life. He was too sure of himself; there was no doubt in that, but that was overshadowed by his kindness.
