“Dahlia, will you please let Helena speak?”
“Apologies, please continue.” Dahlia said with a grimace.
“After that we seemed to be always running into each other. He and Chastity formed a friendship that winter at Icedale Castle as well, so Chastity was always glad to see him. Matteo knew that she was in her first season.”
Helena took another breath; this was the part that she most dreaded telling her friends about.
“One evening I received a note from him; he wanted to discuss something with me.”
“Youmetwith him?” Celine grimaced. “Sorry.”
“He suggested the idea to me. We would pretend to be engaged?—”
“Whatever for?” Celine interrupted again.
“Celine, please let Helena speak.” Dahlia told Celine in the same tone she used. “Please do go on, Helena.”
Had they been talking about a less serious topic, Helena knew that she would have been laughing at her friends. But as it were, she braved on.
“We would pretend to be engaged. This arrangement would be mutually beneficial for us. How you ask, well as a betrothed couple, Matteo would be able to attend functions with us, where he would help steer Chastity away from the less savory type of gentlemen—rakes, in particular. And he would help me assess her suitors as well, we could use his knowledge of other gentlemen to guide Chastity.”
When her friends remained silent, Helena continued.
“And in return, his being an engaged gentleman would keep the scheming mamas and the wishful young ladies away from him. He claimed that he was tired of the marriage mart and just wanted to go about society in peace.”
“And you agreed to his proposal,” Celine said.
“I agreed to it, yes,” Helena answered, nodding her head. “It seemed a good plan, a reasonable plan at the time. Practical even, for I needed do no research on the backgrounds of the gentlemen who were starting to show an interest in Chastity anymore, Matteo could tell me at once about them. Chastity had to come first; it was all for her. Then, once she is herself, engaged, we would announce that we had decided to break offthe engagement. There would be repercussions for sure, but Matteo and I both felt that we could handle them.”
“It does make sense,” Dahlia agreed. “Matteo is generally liked among the peers of the realm; Peter told me that. So, it would not be very surprising that he knew so many of them.”
“Yes,” Helena said.
“But?” Celine drew nearer to Helena.
Sighing, Helena shook her head.
“All this deception is wearisome. Pretending to be betrothed, living the part of an engaged woman was, at first, easy enough. We just had to appear together in society. Matteo did exactly as he said he would. We went to balls together, dinner parties, picnics, musicales, and drives. And I admit that it was all very pleasant—he is, after all, handsome and charming.”
Helena felt her cheeks heat at her admission.
“And there is a kindness in him that I had not observed before. Perhaps I was too preoccupied in judging him a rake that I did not see it before. But he was kind. He kept his word. Even Faith and Grace like him.”
If she noticed her friends exchanged meaningful looks, Helena made no comment on it. But nearing the end of her story, she rushed to tell the rest. She wanted it all off her chest—save theone thought, the one feeling that she was not able to express. Not even to herself.
“As the days went by, as the invitations grew and grew, so did the inquiries and expectations. Everyone was asking questions—how did we meet, where did we expect to live, when the wedding would take place. You know me, I cannot abide such subterfuge; it is difficult for me to be dishonest though, it is all for Chastity.”
Helena’s hand went to cover her face again.
“But when I start to think of the consequences if someone were to find out that it is, indeed, a sham of an engagement, I feel so anxious. It is increasingly difficult to pretend now. What have I gotten myself into?”
They were all silent for a while, Celine and Dahlia looking at Helena and Helena looking down at her hands. The silence was disturbed by Helena’s long sigh of relief. She fell back on her bed and let herself become limp.
“It is a good feeling to finally get that off my chest. It was getting extremely heavy.”
With eyes closed, she spoke in a meek voice.
“Are you very angry with me? I have behaved shamefully, I know.”
