Averting my eyes, I say, “Sometimes the timing simply isn’t right. But I believe there’s a reason we came into each other’s lives, even if it is just for a short time. I won’t lie. I’m going to miss you something fierce once you’re gone. I may even shed a tear or two, but I promise I’ll pick myself up, because that’s what I’ve always done.”
Cole lifts my chin with the tip of his finger and forces me to truly look at him.
“You’re the most resilient, extraordinary woman I’ve ever met. And if you ever end up falling in love again, and he doesn’t treat you like the queen you are, give me a call. I know how to make a body disappear forever.”
I bark out a laugh and give his shoulder a push, and just like that, the sadness of the moment is swept away. We sit in comfortable silence while we finish off our food, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Then it’s time to pack up and hike back to our vehicle. And when Cole eventually has to let go of my hand in order to round his truck, it feels a lot like the beginning of the end.
twenty-six
Charlie
“Ifeel like he’s been pulling away from me ever since our conversation at the waterfall,” I tell Dee over dinner and drinks several days later. When Cole once again chose to barricade himself in my bedroom with a good book, as opposed to hanging out in the living room with me the way he used to, I just had to get out of the apartment. I needed someone to talk to. Someone to tell me I’m not crazy. Someone to listen and help me make sense of these overwhelming feelings before I explode. And like the amazing friend she is, Dee dropped everything to meet me at our favorite restaurant. “He says he’s not going anywhere until the threat is eliminated, and that’s nice and all,” I say, taking a sip of my wine. “But I mean, the man can’t babysit me forever. He doeshave a life and a fulfilling career to return to, so how long can he possibly put everything on hold because my psycho ex gets off on toying with me?”
Dee grabs a fried calamari off our shared plate and pops it into her mouth, not bothering to swallow before she speaks. “The question is, do you want him to leave?”
I release a sound of frustration and sag into my seat. “I don’t know. Sometimes I wish Jason will draw this out, because that means Cole isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. And I know how insane that makes me sound, so no need to point it out,” I tag on, shooting my friend a warning look. “But then there are days when I wish he’d show his face already, so we can take him down and end this strange limbo we’re stuck in. Cole could leave with a clear conscience, and I’d be able to start the healing process. Every day he stays at my place, I get more and more used to him being there, and I’m afraid the longer I allow this to go on, the harder it’ll be to get over him. I put on a good front when I told him he won’t break my heart, but between you and me? I don’t think he’ll break it. He’ll shatter it. Disintegrate it. Rip it from my chest and leave me bleeding out on the cold, hard ground.” I groan and fold forward, banging my forehead into the tabletop, hoping it’ll knock some sense into me. “How the hell did I let it get this bad? One minute I’m casually screwing a sinfully hot guy and loving this nostrings attached arrangement, believing it’s safer that way, the next, those non-existent strings feel like a goddamn noose around my neck. I can deny it all I want, but it doesn’t change the fact that I went and fell in love with a man who made it more than clear he’s emotionally unavailable. How stupid am I?”
Dee reaches for my hand and gives me a sympathetic smile, azure eyes full of understanding.
“You’re not stupid, Charlie. That’s how these bastards operate. They’re all edgy, and capable, and sexy as hell, and we can’t help but find it appealing. It’s a heady combination. Nothing hotter than a confident alpha male with a protective streak. I mean, come on. How are we supposed to resist? They make it impossible not to fall for them and they fucking know it, too.”
Dee knocks back what little wine remains in her glass and immediately goes for a refill.
“Woah,” I say, arching a brow at her heated reaction. “Is there something you’d like to talk to me about, because I could really use a distraction, and it seems you’ve been dealing with your fair share of unwanted feelings yourself.”
Dee buries her face in her hands, and I take the opportunity to snatch up a morsel of food, giving her a moment to compose herself. When she emerges again, her expression is caught somewhere between pained and embarrassed.
“I haven’t said anything because I literally spent less than twenty-four hours with Maddox, but it’s like he’s put a fucking spell on me. He’s all I think about. It’s like he gave me a taste of his magical dick, and now it’s the only item on the menu. Nothing else appeals to me. I can’t sleep because I worry something awful is going to happen to him on the job. I keep having these horrible dreams where he’s lying on the ground somewhere, bleeding and calling out to me. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to reach him. The possibility that I may never see him again kills me. You think you’re stupid?” she says, giving me a self-deprecating laugh. “You fell for someone who’s been in your space, sleeping in your bed and fucking you senseless every night for weeks. Anyone with a functioning heart would catch feelings. I’m pining over a one-night stand with a guy who never made me any promises, past giving me the best sexual experience of my life, and damn did he deliver. Maddox made me feel things I’ve never felt before. I’m telling you, I almost passed out from overstimulation.”
I take a sip of my drink to hide my amusement, but she catches it anyway.
“Oh, shut up. At least you’re still getting some. I got my world rocked—hard—and now I’m all the more aware of my sad excuse of a sex life. I mean, seriously. Who’s going to live up to a guy like Maddox now that I know he exists? Joey, the perpetually stonedUber driver? Merv the Perv, or Eddie with that sleazy '70s porn stash he’s so proud of? I'll probably die with a thick layer of cobwebs covering my vagina, and it’s all his fault. I hate him for leaving me so damn satisfied.”
“You know, he did ask about you when he called to check in on Cole. Sounded like he was fishing for information. Maybe I should’ve told him you’re seeing someone. Get a feel for how that would’ve gone over.”
Dee waves a hand in the air. “He was just being polite. I bet he hasn’t spared me a thought since he drove off your property. He’s probably too busy blowing the minds of unsuspecting females all over the globe, utterly oblivious that he’s ruining them for any men who come after, and subjecting a slew of women to a life of misery and sexual frustration. Even my favorite vibrator hasn’t been cutting it, and Pat has always been a sure thing.”
“Pat?” I ask, giving her a curious look.This oughta be good.
“You know? Pat, because he’s got these cute little bunny ears. Naturally, it reminded me of Pat the Bunny, which was my favorite book growing up. I was obsessed. Couldn’t get enough. I thought it was fitting at the time.”
There’s a pregnant pause in which we both stare at each other for a suspended moment before we burst out laughing. “God, I fucking love you. What would I ever do without you?”
“I don’t know!” Dee replies, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “But I’m so glad we met. And if we both end up lonely and bitter, at least we can be bitter together.”
“I’ll toast to that.” We clink our glasses together, and even though the thought of Cole disappearing from my life still leaves my stomach in knots, the numbing effects of the wine as well as knowing my friend always has my back, no matter what, already has me feeling a hell of a lot better than I did when I first got here.
“So, he really did it for you, huh?” I fish, popping a piece of battered seafood into my mouth. Dee’s expression turns wistful. “I’ve just never felt an instant connection like this before, you know? And it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s freaking gorgeous. I’m telling you, seeing that man in the nude almost gave me a coronary. Let’s just say he’s not only packing when he’s about to head into enemy territory, if you catch my drift,” she tells me, holding her hands apart to indicate his impressive size. My eyes bulge out of my head, and she gives me a cheeky wink before saying, “It’s that he knew exactly what to do with it. Every touch set my body on fire. I’m not even kidding. I came so hard I saw Jesus. Several times. And now that I know what it can be, no other guy will do.”
“That is a predicament,” I muse as I sip my wine and feel myself beginning to relax into our conversation. This is exactly what I needed after the week I’ve had.
“And it wasn’t only the insane sexual chemistry, either,” she tags on with a dreamy look in her eyes. “It was the whole damn package. That dimpled smile that made me weak in the knees. His charm and easy-going personality. I mean, this guy is literally killing terrorists for a living, and I’m sure he’s seen some shit. And yet, he’s somehow managed to maintain a sunny disposition and a positive outlook on life I can only admire. He’s simply fun to be around, and that honorable streak paired with his dry sense of humor makes for a lethal combination.”
“Don’t I know it?” I agree. “Cole might come across as a bit of a grump at first, but there’s a lot to be discovered beneath that gruff exterior. The fact that he’s so protective and genuinely cares about people makes him so much more lovable. These guys don’t hesitate to put themselves in danger if it means they get to help those in need. Knowing what he’s lost on a personal level, all because of his strong desire to make the world a better place is both heartbreaking and so damn attractive. The fact that he’s still grieving the loss of his wife so deeply—more than two years later—should bother me, given the way I feel about him, but it only makes me want andrespect him more. That’s the type of loyalty and dedication I can only hope to find someday.”
“To be fair, he not only lost his wife. He lost his entire family. His baby girl. Man,” Dee says, shaking her head. “I can’t even imagine what losing a child does to a person. He must be in a tremendous amount of pain. But as terrible as it is, that’s something you guys have in common. You understand each other in a way few people can, so it’s only natural that you’re drawn to one another.”
“I don’t think you can compare our situations. I never even got to meet my baby. He had three years with his little girl before she was brutally taken away from him. Three years to love her and feel that love returned tenfold. Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.”
