Cole’s dark chuckle is an ugly sound between us. “No? You think she’d want me to remember her by finding comfort in the arms of the woman I’m fucking?”
I can’t help but flinch at his cruel choice of words and decide not to warrant it with a reply. After a long moment of suffocating silence, Cole heaves a sigh and turns his face toward mine.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. It’s just, today’s a hard day for me, and I’m really not good company right now. Honestly, I don’thave the energy to worry about anyone else’s feelings, and I don’t want to say anything that might hurt you, so maybe it’s best if we just stay clear of each other.”
“Maddox told me you’d try to push me away.”
“Of course he did. That meddling fuck,” he mutters, but there’s a hint of affection that contradicts his harsh tone. I don’t tell him that his friend uttered the words only seconds before our call was cut short by a deafening boom. He doesn’t need anything else to worry about, and I’m sure Maddox and his team know how to handle what’s happening.
“You know, the day my baby girl was supposed to be born, I didn’t get out of bed once,” I say and immediately notice the flash of sympathy in his amber irises. “No food, no water, didn’t even open the curtains. I just laid there, in the dark, crying for hours. Then Dee barged in and yanked the covers off me. I was pissed at first, but she wasn’t having it. Said I needed to move. That wallowing in my grief and shutting the world out wouldn’t help. She all but shoved me into the shower, made me get dressed, then dragged me on this hike to this gorgeous waterfall. We didn’t talk about Jamie… that’s what I named her,” I tell him with a watery smile. “Jamie Rose Delaney. And we just sat there, listening to the water rush over the rocks. I leaned my head on her shoulder, and somehow, by the time we left, I felt lighter. Like… just knowing I didn’t have to carry it all alone? That I wasn’t the only one who’d lost someone? It didn’t fix everything, but it helped. Dee somehow knew exactly what I needed, even when I didn’t.”
“Dee’s lost someone as well?” he asks, with a hint of curiosity.
“It’s not my story to tell, but let’s just say she knows a thing or two about healing. And she seems to have dealt with her pain in a much healthier way than I did. She went to therapy for years, for starters.”
Cole scoffs. “Therapy is overrated. My boss had me go for a while following the incident. Didn’t do shit for me.”
“Did you fight it tooth and nail?” I ask with a knowing smirk and don’t miss the way his lips twitch.
“So, what you’re saying is misery loves company, and I should quit being such a solitary fuck and take a hike to a waterfall with you, so I can rest my head on your shoulder and soak up the healing power of nature?”
“I mean, I could pack a lunch. As long as I keep my mouth busy, I’d be less inclined to fill the silence with small talk.”
“If you need something to keep your mouth busy, I have just the thing,” Cole replies with a smug smile, but he seems to realize that throat fucking your lover on the day of your dead wife’s wedding anniversary might not be the most tactful thing to do, and his expression quickly falls. “Or we could just eat the food.”
I run my fingers through his hair and lean in just long enough to peck him on his stubbled cheek before I get to my feet. “I’ll head back to the house and take care of the provisions. You stay. Take your time and meet me there when you’re ready.”
Cole glances up at me with tortured eyes and flashes me a sad attempt at a smile. “Thanks, Charlie. I appreciate you making the effort.”
“Anytime. That’s what friends are for.”
“Is that what we are?” he asks, his gaze already drifting back out over the lake.
“We are whatever you need us to be. If you need me to be your friend today, then I’ll be the best friend you’ll ever have. We don’t have to put a label on it, and it’s alright to take comfort from someone who desperately wants to give it. It doesn’t cheapen what you had with Elena.”
Cole’s Adam’s apple bobs on a hard swallow, and I turn away when I notice the slight tremble in his bottom lip. I leave him to sit with his feelings while I get started on lunch. My nonna’s famous chicken parm sandwiches, paired with a nice bottle of merlot, never fails to brighten my day, and you know what they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” Cole says, moaning around a mouthful of baguette, while he swipes his tongue over the spot of marinara sauce at the corner of his mouth. He tears off a small piece of breaded chicken and tosses it at Scooby, who snatches it out of the air in a lightning-fast move before he trots off to explore the surrounding area. “This is so damn good, Charlie. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I took that first bite.”
I smile around a mouthful of my own and savor the explosion of flavors on my tongue as I listen to the soothing sound of water rushing over the ledge. “Food always makes me feel better.”
“Amazing food, the wonders of nature, and good company. Hard to keep moping when you have that much going for you. I’ve been thinking, though.”
I dab at my lips, making sure I don’t have sauce in places it shouldn’t be, and wait for him to complete his thought.
“I guess today’s made me realize that I still have quite a few things to work through, and my little spiral this morning reminded me of the reason I took this trip in the first place. I feel like all I’ve been doing since I got here is lose myself in you so I can continue to ignore my issues, and that’s not really helpful to anyone. ButI’m not going to lie, Charlie. You came into my life when I least expected it, and I like what we have. I likeyou. I like you a whole lot, and I guess I’m just wondering what your expectations are.”
“Erm,” I stall, placing my half-eaten sandwich on the paper plate while I finish chewing the bread that suddenly feels too dry to swallow. “I don’t know. Haven’t really been thinking past the present, to tell you the truth. I’ve kind of been trying on this whole live in the moment approach. See how it fits. I like you a whole lot too, Cole,” I add, giving him a teasing look as I throw his words back at him in an attempt to lighten the mood. “But I’ve always known that we have an expiration date, so if you’re worried about breaking my heart, don’t be. I’m a big girl, and I’ve survived things a lot bleaker than ending a summer fling. I knew what I was getting myself into when we started whatever this is.”
Cole sips his wine and nods as he stares into the distance. His brows are drawn together in a way that has me wondering what’s going through his head.
“Okay. That’s good,” he finally mumbles, but there’s a flicker of doubt in his eyes, telling me he’s not convinced. “I guess I just needed to know we’re on the same page. As much as I love being around you, the way I felt when I woke up this morning made it painfully clear that I’m not ready to move on, and I do have a life to get back to. Even if I’m not really sure what that life mightlook like once I return. There are still a lot of things up in the air when it comes to my future, and the last thing I want is to hurt you. You have been my anchor in a turbulent sea, Tink, and I really appreciate you being here for me.”
I ignore the ache in my throat and try not to let my disappointment show. I wasn’t lying when I said I knew what I was getting into initially. But somewhere over the past couple of weeks, the lines got blurred, and maybe a small part of me had hoped that he was also entertaining the idea of a possible future together. However, witnessing the raw anguish on his face when I left him at the beach earlier made it perfectly clear that it wasn’t ever going to happen.
“Nowhere I’d rather be. I care about you, Cole. This is a two-way street, you know? You’ve been there for me throughout this whole ordeal with Jason, and you’ve helped me out so much with the resort. Making you lunch and keeping you company when you’re having a hard day is the least I can do. If I could erase your pain, I would.”
Cole picks up my hand and places a soft kiss on my palm. “You may not have been able to take away all my pain, but it feels a lot more manageable when you’re around. Fuck, Tink. I wish I could give you what you deserve.”
