I’m leaving soon. Heading home for Dublin. I don’t have a choice. My visa’s expiring. Graduation is a breath away. I’ll be on a plane back in less than two months’ time. No job.No apartment. No plan. Other than I want to continue managing bands. I’m good at it.
Liam hasn’t said it, but I know him well. He’s been emotionally pulling away in preparation for my departure. The space between us expanding like a fault line.
I know why. He doesn’t want to hurt me by making promises he can’t keep. He loves me. I love him. I believe this with every ounce of my being.
But, he wants more. So do I.
The worst part is, wanting what seems impossible doesn’t make either of us wrong. We’re not gay. We can’t make it work as a gay couple. We’re not straight either, so where does it leave us?
We need a third. A woman. Someone whom we can love and will love both of us. The truth of the matter sits between us like a missing limb.
I want a woman to hold Liam when I can’t.
To fuck me while he watches.
I want Liam and I to worship her together and fill her with our seed and make a family, however unconventional this might seem.
We both crave a kind of love that doesn’t fucking exist except in fantasy-land.
So, I’m not gonna beg him. It’s a sad end to a beautiful love.
Liam moves his arm and opens his eyes. Barely a squint. He studies me for a long moment, trailing his gaze to my thickening cock. Hesitates, deciding whether to speak.
“Are you gonna say it?” he finally asks
“Say what?”
“Goodbye? You’re leavin’, right?”
I exhale through my nose. “Doesn’t matter to you.”
“Fuck, Linus.” He’s furious. “You always go there. Like you’ve already written me off.”
“Not true,” I protest. “Did it occur to you I was thinkin’ I can’t ask you to follow me when I know you won’t?”
Silence. It hurts.More than I want to admit.
“Linus…” He grimaces. “YouknowI love you.”
I nod. “I do.”
“I don’t know how to be what you need.” He scrubs his face with his hand. “Not without fuckin’ it up.”
“I don’t want perfect. I want real.” I lean forward and rest my forearms on my thighs.
His eyes flicker. “We both know real means I can’t be only yours and you can’t be only mine. We’ve said it from the beginning.”
“Well…” I swallow. “How about we stop pretendin’ for a change.”
Liam studies me. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.” I say it without shame. “I want someone who can love both of us.”
He swallows. His fingers twitch where they rest on his stomach. “I want it too, but I don’t know how to find it.”
“Neither do I.” I sigh heavily. “Doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop lookin’.”
Liam sits up like the weight of it all is dragging behind his shoulders. He looks exhausted. Beautiful. He crosses to the bed and stands in front of me, bare, eyes burning.
