“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” She pats my shoulder lightly.
When she lets me go, it’s measured.
My skin doesn’t recoil in shame, which feels like a miracle.
I believe her. A little.
eighteen
Linus
Three Months Later
Ourcheaphotelroomreeks of cigarette smoke and old coffee.
The air is still, holding its breath.
As if the walls themselves haven’t yet decided whether last night was a win or a funeral.
I sit naked at the edge of the bed, spine aching the way it always does when adrenaline from a show wears off and there’s nothin’ left but gravity. My phone buzzes again on the nightstand.
Probably Felicity. Or her lawyer.
I don’t reach for it. My world is on fire and the madness of last night is the least of my worries.
Across the room, Liam is sprawled out on the couch, one arm slung over his eyes like the light’s too much to bear.He’s shirtless, one jean-clad leg is hooked over the back, long and lean and carelessly beautiful. His lips are pursed with tension. He gets this way when he holds in too many things for too long.
I let myself look.
Reallylook.
God, he’s beautiful.
It still hits me sometimes. How this impossible man is mine, if only in the fragile way anything can belong to anyone. I’ve kissed every inch of his skin. I know every sound he makes when he comes. I know exactly how to touch him when he can’t find the words to speak his truth.
Somehow, it’s never quite enough. He’s slipping away and I don’t know what to do.
He stirs under my gaze, exhales. “I feel you starin.’”
“You’re my favorite thing to look at.”
His mouth curves, lazily. “You’re biased.”
“Extremely.”
He doesn’t lift his arm, doesn’t open his eyes, but I see the smile twitch again before it fades when he remembers the real world’s still out there.
Yesterday, we finally got rid of Felicity.
She self-imploded, dragging the entire band into the blast radius. Padraig finally snapped. Fireballmightsurvive. If it does, it’ll be a different animal.
One I won’t be part of.
As much as I despised Felicity, it wasn’t only her we lost last night. It was the illusion Fireball could keep going in its current state. For me, I finally came to terms with the fact Liam and I aren’t going to make it.
Not this version of us.
