Well, in fairness, Liam’s making the choice for all of us. While I admire his sacred dedication to Fireball, it doesn’t stop the pain. Linus hasn’t pushed the issue further either. Keeping quiet means he doesn’t have to explain the three of us to his family.
At least Padraig knows about Linus and I being married. One truth is out in the open, though it’s led to other uncomfortable moments. Padraig would never come out and say it, but instinct tells me he believes Liam and Linus have “cheated” on me and I don’t know about it.
All of this leaves me torn. Unsettled. Deeply sad. Liam and Linus are the only two men I’ve ever trusted with my heart. With the need for so much secrecy, I’m beginning to wonder if I made a mistake.
I didn’t expect to feel untethered in my relationship.
Linus sits behind Ty, tapping out timing cues and annotating vocal runs. He catches my eye through the glass and gives me the smallest nod. His love is steady. It always has been.
My biggest fear is he and I become a casualty in all of this deceit.
Determined to control what I can, I belt out the bridge again. This time I let it all out. The loneliness. The aching silence. The abject fear my dream is going to come crashing down around me.
When the last note fades, I lower the headphones and stare at the floor. My throat burns.
A moment passes. Then another.
The control room light flashes green. I step into the corridor, legs heavy. Liam meets me at the door.
“You killed it.” His hand hovers against my lower back. He holds it there without touching me. I know why. The rest of them are a few feet away.
“Thanks.” I want him to wrap me up like he does when we’re behind the closed doors of our house. He won’t do it, though.
Ty spins his chair. “Great work, Avonna. You’ve leveled up the whole track.”
Padraig grins wide and throws his arms up. “Ah-fuckin’-mazing.”
He walks over, not hesitating like the others. His hug is real. Warm. Before we arrived, he was in the booth all morning laying drum stems, yet he looks more alive than any of us.
“Unreal,” he murmurs into my hair. “I mean it.”
My eyes sting. I don’t pull away. I want to bawl. Instead, I press my face to his chest and let his kindness settle in.
When I finally look up, Liam is watching. His expression softens, but he doesn’t move. Doesn’t touch me. Doesn’t acknowledge me except in the smallest of ways. Not in front of his brother.
Linus hands me a bottle of water, gaze fixed on Liam. I can feel the energy between them crackle. Nothing will convince me everyone else doesn’t sense it too.
Later, while Ty resets the board and Padraig grabs a snack, I sit beside Liam on the worn studio couch. Linus hovers near the racks, pretending not to listen. I reach for Liam’s hand. He lets me take it, but it’s more reflex than choice.
“Not being able to touch you in public is becoming intolerable,” I whisper.
He shrugs. “There’s been a lot to work through.”
“You mean with Padraig.”
“Aye.”
“Seriously? Would it be such a big revelation?” I already know the answer, but I need to hear him say it.
“Look. He loves you. He’s happy Linus is managing us. I’m the weak link.” Liam pulls his hand free. “He’s already lectured me about it.”
“He seems happy with Mara. Stevie was a long time ago.” I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them. “He’d want you to live your life.”
He peers over. “It goes deeper. I can’t throw our relationship in his face. Especially after you told him you and Linus are married. Padraig doesn’t want me to screw things up for the band.”
Liam’s clearly suffering, but this has gone on too long. I can’t keep living half a truth. I may not know Padraig the way Linus and Liam do, but I can’t believe he’d want Liam to sacrifice his own happiness as penance.
“Your delusional if you think you’re hiding everything,” I say softly. “It’s creating a strange dynamic. He’s watching us. Watching you. Wondering if you’re fucking Linus behind my back, which isn’t fair to any of us. Won’t it hurt him more if you continue to lie to him?”
