Their faces were only inches away from each other. Their guests faded away as he got lost in Owen’s eyes. “A kiss. Sealing the end of the year with a kiss.”
“I think that can be arranged.”
“And starting the new one the same way.”
“Your wish is my command.” Owen smiled then brought their mouths together.
It was a soft and gentle kiss, just a taste of what would come later in the night. Sebastian pulled away and smiled. “Happy New Year, sweets.”
It was only a couple of days into the new year and they were fighting already. Sebastian’s expression was thunderous—his eyes were narrowed, and his jaw was clenched so tightly that Owen could see the muscle in his cheek ticking.
“I’m sorry—“
“Don’t.” Sebastian held up his hand.
Seeing Sebastian holding him back, putting that distance between them, tore at Owen’s heart. He felt the emotion prickle behind his eyes and blinked back the tears.
“I can’t take any more of this, Owen.” Sebastian thumped his chest, his voice breaking as he continued. “You know I love you. I love you with all my heart. For Christ’s sake, I’ve loved you since I was twenty-two. Thereisno one else for me—you’re it.“ Sebastian ran a hand through his dark hair and shook his headbefore meeting Owen’s gaze. “What is it going to take for you to believe that you’re enough, that you’re all I’ve ever wanted? The last year… Well, before that, I never would have pictured us here, doing this, arguing all the time, or tiptoeing around each other.”
“I know and I’m—“
“Don’t say it.” Sebastian’s eyes flashed. “If you say you’re sorry one more time…”
Owen bit back the automatic apology that teetered on the tip of his tongue. “You don’t deserve the last twelve months. I know I’ve been hell to live with—short-tempered and angry. It’s not fair on you and you don’t deserve it. Plus I haven’t been able to do the things we usually do. It’s no wonder you’re pissed off with me.”
Sebastian’s eyebrows rose. “Pissed off? Are you kidding? I couldn’t give a shit about you not being able to do things with me.” He huffed in obvious frustration. “I mean, I miss being able to share the time doing the stuff we used to. Kayaking isn’t the same with Matt or one of the other guys, but that isn’t why I’m pissed. I understand you can’t do what you used to be able to do, but it’sphysical, Owen. You aren’tchoosingnot to be with me when I want to go out and do something active. You have a physical limitation. A busted shoulder. I understand that.”
“But you shouldn’t have to.” Owen hated that Sebastian had to change his life to fit in with him.
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re the one who’s concerned, not me. I worry about you, obviously. Do I wish you didn’t have the shoulder injury? Hell, yes. Do I wish you weren’t in pain and could sleep undisturbed through the night? You bet I do. And do I want you to enjoy an afternoon spent kayaking? Too right. But I want all those things because I know how muchyoulove the feel of being out on the water. I want you to be able to run and swim and paddle, but not for me—foryou. If we can never do any of those things together again, I’ll be okay, because there’s somuch else wedodo with each other. My happiness and desire to be with you isn’t linked to outdoor pursuits, it’s linked to being with you whatever we are doing—our morning chats over coffee, walks out on the island, watching those stupid comedies you love so much. Hell, even doing the housework.”
Owen stood speechless, unsure what to say as Sebastian sighed and turned away. He watched as Sebastian strode to the window and stared out at the city beyond. Owen gathered his thoughts, trying to work out what to say so he didn’t open his big mouth and say something he’d regret. He seemed to have a habit of putting his foot in it lately and he didn’t want to make the already tense situation worse. Before he could speak, Sebastian spun around and faced him again.
“Look, Owen. As much as it pains me to say this, I think we need some time apart. We’ve both said what we wanted to say.”—Have we?—“Some distance will give you some time to digest what I’ve said, and I really hope you think it over. I meaneveryword. I love you, Owen, bunged up shoulder or not. It hurts me that you don’t trust enough in my love to believe that. That’s what causes me the most pain—that you doubt us. I thought we were past that, that we were strong, that we were more than…“ His voice trailed off and the look of anger had been replaced with sadness.
Owen swallowed past the lump in his throat, arms itching to pull Sebastian into his arms, but Owen remembered the raised hand from earlier in their conversation and didn’t want to risk Sebastian pulling away. He didn’t think his heart could stand the rejection. Instead, his hand dropped to his wrist and he toyed with the leather wrapped securely there. “I—“
Sebastian didn’t let him finish. He offered a small smile. “It’s okay, Owen, really. I think if I stay we’ll just ending up fighting more. So I’m going to Bruny.” Sebastian put a finger to Owen’s lips. “Now before you say anything, it’s not for long. I’m notleaving you. I’m just giving you some space. I’ll stay there for a couple of days, maybe a week. I’ll work from the house out there. While I’m gone, maybe you can work out what you really want, perhaps see the surgeon and talk about getting the surgery you need.”
Owen finally reached out his arms—there was no way he wanted to let Sebastian go but Sebastian put his hands up again. “Owen, let me leave.”
Owen fought the urge to ignore the gesture and the words, to pull Sebastian to him anyway, but eventually nodded. As much as his throat ached and his heart felt heavy, he knew Sebastian was right and he did have to get his shit together. But that didn’t make it hurt any less when Sebastian only relaxed once he had Owen’s agreement.
He smiled gently, stepped forward, and wrapped Owen in a tight hug. “Thank you,” he whispered against Owen’s cheek.
Given Owen’s recent worries about their age difference, why did it feel like Sebastian was the grown up in the relationship?
Chapter Eight
The house had beenclosed up for a few weeks due to the lead up to Christmas then the New Year activities keeping them in town, so first order of business was airing the place out. Sebastian walked around the small cottage, opening windows and doors, allowing the fresh salt-tinged air to flutter the sheer curtains. Then he put away the groceries he’d brought with him, frowning at the ingredients for dinners for one. Usually Owen would be with him, asking him about the meals they were going to have, planning barbecues, and picnics on the beach. Now he was talking to himself as he put the solo steak onto the refrigerator shelf. He closed the fridge door with enough force to cause the bottles to rattle then put on some music.That’s better.Music was better than the silence that only served to remind him he was alone.
Needing more distraction, Sebastian put away his clothes, and made up the bed with fresh linens, before running a duster over all the surfaces. Usually, he didn’t care about the fine layer of dust that built up while the house was empty, but Owen did. He’d run the vacuum over the floors and dust the furniture,while Sebastian checked the outside of the house making sure all was in order.
God, so many little things that Owen does every day to take care of me, to make us a home.
He sighed and tossed the duster into the laundry tub and returned to the living room, sinking onto the couch and looking around despondently.
The doubts hit. Had he done the right thing? Maybe he’d been too hasty in leaving Owen by himself? But, hell, he couldn’t just sit by and allow things to continue the way were going. He’d had to dosomething. Sebastian swung his feet up stuffing a scatter cushion between the arm of the couch and his head. He stared at the ceiling as he contemplated what had gone wrong. It was so bloody frustrating that Owen was so hard on himself. Ever since his accident, he’d pushed himself to get better, following doctor’s instructions to the letter, and undertaking the recommended therapy. At the first sign the healing process wouldn’t be simple, he’d put on a brave face and kept on going. He’d been positive and upbeat doing everything in his power to make sure Sebastian wasn’t dragged down by his troubles.But that’s the problem, isn’t it? We should be facing this together.
