“Do you want to talk, sweetie?”
“I…”I don’t know. Do I?
“Come on, sweetheart.” She steered him to a chair at the kitchen table. “You sit down. I’ll make us a cup of tea, and we’ll have a chat.”
“Thanks, Mum. Tea would be great.”
His brother came into the room, but in the space of a heartbeat, Spence’s mum had spun Robbie around the way he had come. “Your brother and I need a moment, Robbie. You and your dad can keep to the living room. I’ll bring you a snack later. Go back to your movie.” With a grunt and a shrug, Robbie retreated the way he had come.
His mum made two cups of tea and brought them to the table, along with a plate of chocolate chip cookies. “Your favourite,” she stated as she took a seat but then seemed content to sit and sip her tea.
Spence picked up his own drink, savouring the aroma and appreciating the warmth from the mug as he wrapped his hands around it. As he sipped the slightly too-hot tea, he stared out the window, not looking at anything in particular but trying to sort through the confused mess of thoughts and feelings. Eventually the need to say something to someone, to finally articulate his feelings, no matter how messed up they were, won out. He met his mum’s gaze. “It’s Ben,” he whispered.
His mum placed a hand on his arm and quietly rubbed small circles, just letting him know she was there. She didn’t push for more information and didn’t offer an opinion, for which Spence was grateful. He took another sip of tea before placing the mug on the table.
“I don’t know what to do, Mum. I’m just so confused.” The words started to come out in a rush. “I just want him to be happy, and I’ve tried so hard to do the right thing. Ben’s never had it easy, and I don’t want to give him anything else to complicate his life, but it hurts so much.”
He finally dared a glance at his mum. She just looked at him with understanding in her eyes. He was so lucky to have a loving and accepting mother, and over the years, he’d been able to talk to her about most things. When he’d first come out to her at age sixteen, she’d hardly blinked, telling Spence she’d had her suspicions but thanking him for trusting her enough to share the truth with her.
Spence still remembered the words she’d said to him then.“I love you no matter who you love. You should follow your heart, and that has no caveats. You are free to love whomever you choose.”
From then on, she’d been supportive and encouraging, wanting nothing but happiness for Spence. She didn’t necessarily agree with Spence’s reluctance to open up to Ben about his feelings for him, but she’d always respected his decision.
“I want to tell him, Mum, I do, especially when I see him with someone else. But what if he pushes me away? I don’t know what to do.”
“I really think you should talk to him, sweetheart. It’s not healthy for you to hold all this in. And the Ben I know would never push you away.”
Spence ran a hand through his hair, as if straightening the blond strands would help sort out his thoughts. “I don’t know, Mum.”
“Perhaps take a little time to think about it—”
“Maybe I could go to Aunt Jenny’s. She’s been wanting me to go up the coast for a while now.” He pounced on her words, telling himself he wasn’t trying to avoid having a discussion with Ben.Fuck, but who wanted to talk about their feelings?“You know, get my head in order.”
“That’s not exactly what I meant, and you know that. Putting things off isn’t going to make it any easier. Nothing will change while you’re gone.”
But I won’t have to watch Ben and Suzie.“I guess.”
His mum put her hand on his. “Listen to me, Spencer. There is someone for all of us. I believe that all souls are made to seek and find the one special person that makes us complete. When you find that person, no matter who they are or what other people think, you need to reach out. You need to take that leap of faith and risk your heart. Because the rewards are truly great, Spencer. Sometimes, the road isn’t easy. There is worry and pain and doubt. But surely the hope of love and happiness has to outweigh the fear of rejection or of not living up to other people’s expectations. Because it’s the rest ofyourlife, Spencer. You deserve to spend your life wrapped up in the arms of someone you love and someone who loves you back just as passionately.” He looked at her as she leaned towards him and kissed his cheek lightly. She smiled and pushed a lock of his hair behind his ear. “You deserve love, Spencer. Follow your heart.” She stood and picked up her mug, leaving Spencer alone at the table with his thoughts.
He wanted to believe her, that everything would be all right, that he deserved all that he desired. All he needed was one signal, and maybe, just maybe, he could take a risk.
* * *
The next morningbrought a fresh perspective. Spencer jumped out of bed, feeling happier than he had in a long time. The conversation with his mum and the words she’d spoken had given him so much to think about.You need to take that leap of faith and risk your heart. Because the rewards are truly great, Spencer.
Even though he had spent most of the night turning things over in his mind, he felt bright and focused. As he looked at himself in the mirror above the bathroom sink, he had to admit he looked less stressed. He combed his still damp hair, pushing it back from his face, and prepared to shave. His blond hair nearly touched his shoulders, particularly when it was wet, so he contemplated getting a haircut as he lathered the foam across his jaw. A few strokes, a quick rinse, and he was done. With a fresh face and fresh attitude, he was ready to face the day.
He might not be ready to directly confide in Ben, but he was sure as hell not going to sit back and do nothing. A weight had been lifted, and he was no longer stifled by the feelings choked up inside. Where before there was despair, there was now hope as the things his mum had said had finally taken root and optimism had bloomed.
A quick glance at the clock told Spence he had to get going in about ten minutes if he wasn’t going to keep Mel and Cameron waiting, so he hurried to pull on jeans and a blue striped T-shirt. He sat on the edge of the bed as he put on socks and sneakers and finally grabbed his wallet, phone, and keys from the dresser as he headed out the door. Every couple of weeks, he met Cameron and Mel at a local coffee shop. It was a brunch tradition on the Mondays when they didn’t have to work and compensated for the Saturdays he had to work showing houses. With differing schedules, it didn’t always line up, but they made the most of it when it did.
He exited the house, then headed right and started the short walk towards the coffee shop. The weather was clear and the day already warming, so it was a perfect morning for a walk. It also gave him time to clear his head and prepare his plan of attack.
His mother’s words had finally convinced him to take a serious look at his life and stop denying the truth, at least to himself. He didn’t think he was prepared to totally go out on a limb, but all it would take was a simple sign, any indication that he wouldn’t jeopardise the friendship that meant more to him than anything else in the world. Regardless, he couldn’t go on the way he’d been living. The sense of incompleteness and loneliness was getting unbearable.
He entered the coffee shop, the smell of the freshly brewed coffee and freshly baked treats almost making him swoon. He spied Cameron and Mel in a booth towards the back and headed in that direction after nodding to the waiter for his usual. A quick kiss for Mel, then he slid into the seat opposite his friends and noted the matching grins on their faces.
“Hey, you two look super smug! What’s up?”
