CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Simon
“Simon.”
“Yeah?” Simon turned at the sound of his name.
“You got a few minutes?” Josh asked.
“Sure.”
Simon followed Josh into a small meeting room and sat opposite him. The last time he’d been in this room was for a performance review, and the memories were fresh. He felt like a schoolkid about to get a reaming.
“Listen, I wanted to have a word with you about today,” Josh said. Simon nodded. “I’m sure you know what I want to talk about.” Simon nodded again. He’d known this was coming—a meltdown like he’d had couldn’t be ignored, and Josh was too dedicated to his job to overlook something like that.
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry about today. I just froze.”
“It’s really unlike you, Simon. I’ve seen you in situations a lot worse than today’s and you’ve handled yourself and the emergency just fine. Is there something going on I should know about?”
Simon looked to the tabletop. Basic gray laminate. He raised his eyes and met Josh’s concerned face. “No.”
“Are you sure?”
No, I’m not sure. I’m a goddamn failure.
“Do you remember a few months back when we had a discussion about stuff that was bothering you?” Josh asked.
“When I first started working here, you mean?”
“Uh-huh.”
Simon twisted his hands together. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Back then you were worried about something going wrong on the job. If I remember correctly, you were concerned that you’d do exactly what you did today. Are you going to tell me that was just a coincidence?”
Simon closed his eyes for a moment. He could see that little kid lying so still on the driveway. He blinked back the vision, but could still hear the agonized crying of the mother and the desperate shouts of the child’s father. The familiar sensation of nausea rose in his throat, and he swallowed thickly.
“Are you okay? Do you want a drink?” Josh pushed back from the table and turned when he reached the door. “I’ll be back in a moment.”
The door closed with a soft snick.Oh fuck.Simon dropped his head into his hands.
He knew he owed Josh some sort of explanation for his earlier freak-out, but talking about his past—reliving his past—wasn’t something he wanted to do. Ever. He’d spoken to someone a long time ago and although it had helped, it wasn’t an experience he was in any hurry to repeat. His therapist had reassured Simon, after their many sessions, that hewasfit for work and shouldn’t anticipate any issues. Well, he may have been a professional, but he was wrong. Today had proved it.I should never have returned to work as a paramedic!
There was a light knock before Josh pushed the door open. It was just like Josh to give Simon a bit of warning so he could pull himself together. He straightened and accepted the bottle of water. Until he had the first sip, he hadn’t realized how much he needed a drink. The cool water was welcome, and he used the time it took to down half the bottle to gather himself and his thoughts.
“So,” Josh began as he settled back in the seat. “Do you think you’re ready to talk about it? If not to me, the department can always set you up with someone.”
“No!”
“It’s okay, it was just a suggestion. But seriously, Simon, I do think it would help to talk to someone, and I really can’t let what happened today slip. I have a duty to follow up, as your senior but also as your friend.” Josh reclined further in his seat, his relaxed posture helping to put Simon at ease. “So, what exactly happened today?”
Maybe it was the lack of pressure, the fact Josh wasn’t berating him for his failure and seemed like he actually wanted to listen, but suddenly Simon wasn’t so reluctant to talk. Perhaps Josh was right and discussing it would help. It surely couldn’t hurt.
He leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table. “I’m not sure where to begin.”
Josh raised his brows. “The beginning?”
Simon took a deep breath. “I have a sister. Her name is Megan. She’s a couple of years older than I am, so was always the one to look out for me, you know? She had her own life and her friends but she never made me feel like the annoying little brother. She let me tag along when she went out.” He smiled as he thought of those days. Trips to the beach, afternoons spent at the park where Megan ensured he was included in any games they were playing, barbecues back at the house. Simon had been shy, and Megan drew him out of his shell, made him feel as if he could take on the world. “Megan’s the one who encouraged me to get my EMT qualifications.”
