I paused, took another long slurp of my soda.
"Okay.Look.Do you remember the Armageddon arc?"
"Of course.It was a hallmark of Velmar's Continuity Crisis in the late nineties."
"Exactly.Lord Tyrannus gains control over the entirety of the Mormagains and their Cradle Kingdom.The Man-Spider and his villains were trapped there through a one way Interdimensional Plothole and wind up getting stranded.Possibly forever.So they do the only thing they can do."
"They do their best to fight back against Lord Tyrannus and his terrible army."
"Exactly," I said."And what did Orpheus have to do to face the Dragonbelcher when he was laid low by the Big Cat-Apult?"
"…Princess Berryshine," he gasped."I'd forgotten entirely.What are you implying?"
"Princess Berryshine sacrificed her lifeblood to give Orpheus fruit juice, enough to power himself up.And even though everything seemed hopeless—like they would never be able to go home—even though Orpheus wanted to give up on everything, he fought.He took that sacrifice.Powered himself up.And he fought and laid low Lord Tyrannus' frontlines so the other heroes—Man-Spider and all—could win the war.And what happened afterward?"
"They found an extraneous Plot Device in Lord Tyrannus' fortress and made it home," Nagisa gasped.
"Exactly," I said."They didn't know how they were going to get out of it.But they did it."
"You tempt me, seductress.If I had yet genitals, they would be enflamed with my desire at your grasp of the graphic novel and plot mechanics as an art form.And yet… I am only half of a man."He sighed."If only there were some Princess Berryshine nearby, with fruit juice sweet enough to quench my thirst."
I slurped on my soda again.Nagisa made a face.
"Hey so do you have a knife?"I asked Rhonda.
She grinned, wielding a huge bowie knife from an ankle sleeve.I reminded myself never ever to try and ambush her.I dumped my drink ice in the trashcan and then sat my soda cup on the counter.Wedged the tip of the knife into a soft bit of flesh on my palm.
Rhonda stared at me.Nagisa sniffed the air.
"What are you doing?"Rhonda asked.
"Turn away," I said.
"You… you mustn't," Nagisa stammered.
"It's the only choice we have," I said."But you have to promise me.You're not going to give up.Don't let this be in vain."
"I am not worthy of your sacrifice," Nagisa said.
"Probably not," I said and gasped as the knife entered.I groaned, digging it in, and squeezed my palm like an orange."I see you sniffing around, Rhonda, please give me some privacy."
"Yeah, yeah," she said, voice glum.The front doorbell jingled as she left the shop.
"I already tried this with Brother Al, Eddie, and Vic," I said."Here you go.Drink your drink."
I sat the cup, straw tilted, near him, and turned away.
"I… I cannot…"
"Yes, you can," I said."You have to."
"No.I meant.I can't hold the drink and grab the straw with one hand," he said."I'm an invalid.You must hold me to your breast and nurse me, my Berryshine."
"How about I just angle the straw at your lips."
He pulled himself to an upright position, his guts splotching as he sat upright.It looked incredibly painful.
"That is an acceptable compromise," he gasped.
