And I know it will.
Wendy texted me an hour ago.
Everything okay?
With shaky hands, I respond.
Yeah, baby.
Silas is drunk.
Gonna stay with him a bit.
Okay, the kids are asleep.
Dinner is in the fridge for you.
I revel in the wonderfully normal text message, and the next one that comes through makes me choke back a sob.
You're a wonderful brother.
I love you so much.
I smile, despite myself, despite it all.
My wife,I think with immense pride and love, though there's a new tinge to the love I have for her.
It feels cold and desperate.
I love you, baby.
It's nearing two in the morning when Silas wakes up, groaning no doubt from how miserable he's feeling.
I guide his head to the trash so he can empty his guts, and then lay him back on the bed. In the bathroom, I grab him a cold compress, a glass of water and some Tylenol, which he silently takes from me.
The tension is thick, building as he struggles to say what he wants but doesn't know how. I don't even know how to unpack what the hell just happened. I think it might be better just to pretend it didn't.
Maybe not better, but I need to.
So I shove it down. Deep down.
And I just focus on the now.
"I'm sorry, Atlas," Silas whispers after a couple of minutes. He's still lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "I'm so sorry—"
"It's alright, man," I cut him off, patting his arm. "It's okay."
"It's not..." he shakes his head, tears sliding out of the corners of his eyes to the pillow. "I... I need... help."
"We'll get you help," I promise, nodding and feeling relieved for him. I'm confident he won't do it again, at least not now. "We're here for you. For the girls. Always."
He nods. I stay another hour with him, before the itch of needing to go home, to my wife, to my sons, becomes too much to ignore.
I feel shaky and restless. I need to make sure my sons are okay. I need to hold my wife. I need to be home. Now.
Silas seems to be sleeping peacefully, so I make sure that he's turned on his side before I stand from the floor.
Silas' eyes pop open, and I ask him, "Are you okay?"
