I whirl around, glass in hand. I hold it aloft. “I didnotlie to you.”
“Well, you didn’t fuckin’ tell me the truth, now did ya?”
I turn back around to finish making my drink. After I’ve mixed it, I lean back against the counter to face Kaser and let myself have their wrath. I knew this conversation would happen eventually; I just figured there would actually be something between me and Madison first so I wouldn’t seem like such a…
Freak.
I force the lump in my throat down with a large swallow of my drink, hissing slightly at the burn as it works its way through me.
“I didn’t know what to say,” I tell them truthfully because there’s no point in withholding the truth any longer. Kase knows all my shit, so might as well lay it out there and hope they don’t fuckin’ call the cops on me or some shit.
“Start from the beginning,” they say as they take a seat at the table, arms crossed over their chest, their own drink in front of them. I swallow another gulp for some liquid courage and open my mouth.
“It started that night at Mayhem… the night I met Madison.”
“Madison? Who the fuck is Madison?”
“I’m getting to that, aren’t I?” I snap, molars locked together.
“Fine. Shit, you’re tense about this,” they snark.
“Well, I don’t exactly feel great telling you.”
Kaser’s face falls, and I immediately feel guilty. “Why?” they ask softly, and I sigh loudly.
“Because I’ve done some shit I probably shouldn’t have done, but I can’t take it back. Or…” I trail off and curl my upper lip in. “Won’t take back, I guess is more accurate. And I don’t wantcommon sensetalked into me because I know this is the way it has to be between us.”
“Cedrick, you’re rambling. What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Madison was a client at Mayhem. He was one of my victims, and… fuck, Kase, he was absolutely perfect. I can’t even describe to you how beautiful he was. The way he cried. The way his eyes scrunched when he—” I cut myself off before I can give too much away, but by the look on Kaser’s face, they already know.
Shit.
“Damn. You wenttherewith this guy? Really?”
“Yes.”
“And…”
“And it wasn’t enough,” I tell them bluntly, waiting to see if they get the hint. And because it’s Kaser and they’re smart as fuck, of course, they do.
“Ricky, you didn’t.”
“I did.”
“That’s…”
“I know.”
“You can’t just?—”
“Iknow!But it’s already done. Too late to go back now.”
“You can stop,” they insist, but I’m already shaking my head.
“I can’t.”
“Cedrick…”
