A shadow flickered across Laura’s face. ‘You don’t talk about him. I … I haven’t known how to ask.’
Pain roared through my chest as though it had happened just yesterday. The bags packed by the door. The note I was supposed to find, not read with him standing there.
For a moment I was dizzy, my head spinning, the nausea that had roiled in my stomach returning in a flash. As though I could never think of dating without thinking of Ross and all the promises he broke.
I tried to reassure her with a smile. ‘I don’t want to talk about him, anyway. I know you’d listen if I wanted to.’ I really was trying.
Laura was staring at me, concern painted across her face.
‘I’mfine.’ Even I wasn’t convinced – but I was not going to be unpacking my relationship trauma this morning.
‘You’re better than fine. You were too good for that –’
‘Laura, I said I don’t want to talk about it,’ I repeated more forcefully, pulling a hairband from my wrist and tying up my hair.
‘I’m not asking you to date these men, Jessy,’ Laura said quietly, after a pause. ‘I just need you to talk to them a little. I’ve already created your profile; all you have to do –’ She broke off.
Rain was starting to patter against the cracked windowpanes of Laura’s kitchen, and in the growing gloom – honestly, London in summer was so grey sometimes – my twin looked at me before starting again. ‘I … I really need Butterflies to work.’
I took a long, deep breath.
I was going to regret this. I knew it deep down, and I was going to be mad about it. Future Jessy was standing on the window ledge, banging on the glass, shouting, ‘Don’t do it!’
But it was too late. She wasn’t here, and Present Jessy could see that her sister needed her – for once.
‘How much replying are we talking about exactly? Because I amnot – ouch– shit, my coffee!’
Laura had launched herself at me, pulling me into a firm hug. ‘Thank you.’
I hugged her back, tightly.
‘Don’t thank me. Just tell your investors to give youmore time,’ I said, as Laura finally loosened her grip and sat back down.
‘Thank you,’ repeated my twin. ‘Seriously, Jessy. You only have to message each guy once a day. That’ll count as engagement. There are even conversation starters on there that you can use; you don’t have to think about it.’ She looked at me with a hesitant smile. ‘But you never know … you might meet someone you actually like.’
Right. I very much doubted that.
TWO
It’s a trap and I know it, but I step right in, knowing that a trap with you could become a home if you would only stay …
–from ‘Stay’, by These Exiles
‘LOOK, PATRICK,’ DEREK BEGAN.
‘No,’ I said firmly.
I sounded calm – far calmer than I felt, anyway. In reality my head was pounding, and this conversation was not helping.
Derek fixed a strained smile on his face. ‘All I’m saying,’ he went on, in that tone that hethinksis really patient, but which I know means he’s at the absolute end of his tether, ‘is that you have to pick a celebrity to date. Anyone you want, Patrick. But we need some goodwill right now.’
‘Come on, Derek,’ Wes said lazily. My bandmate and childhood best friend was playing a scale on the electric keyboard as he leaned against the recording studio wall. His messy blond hair fell over his eyes, and he flicked it back with a twitch of his head. ‘We’ve just got back from tour. Surely the powers that be can give us a bit of a break before trotting us back out again –’
‘The problem, boys, is that no one is talking about the completely sold-out international tour – or the fact you broke records with merch sales. The only thing anyone is talking about is how the North American leg ended in disaster.’ Derek’s eyes were wide as he passed around the coffees he’d just grabbed us from the place opposite the studio. The canteen here was awful, and if there was one thing our publicist was good at it was supplying us with coffee. Especially when he wanted something from us.
Which was every time we saw him.
I had only seen Derek this stressed a handful of times – and I couldn’t help but feel guilty as I spotted his tika was smudged. He’d only been to temple for puja that morning. We might be a rowdy bunch, but we weren’t divas. Normally we had no problem doing all the shit the label asked us to do. Even when it seemed completely pointless.
