Did he want a reaction out of me?
I hardly knew what to say. Just hearing Jessy’s name sent me into a tailspin. Hearing she wanted out of the contract was … not surprising. But it hurt, nevertheless.
‘But I gave her the out,’ Derek said after a pause, looking at me with something like pity. ‘So she won’t be there. At the awards, I mean.’
My shoulders slumped and disappointment overwhelmed me. ‘She won’t?’
Our PR manager shook his head. ‘Look, Patrick. I don’t want to pry into your personal life. Despite what you might think, I don’t want to control every little thing you boys do.’ He took a breath before continuing. ‘But it sounds to me like you and Jessy have unfinished business. Any chance you could make it right with her?’
I hesitated, unsure what Derek’s angle was. ‘Why? Wouldn’t it be better if I just moved on from her? Better for my reputation – for the band?’
‘Because it would make you happy, idiot,’ Derek shot back, relaxing into his seat. ‘It might surprise you, Patrick, but I actually care about your feelings, and your wellbeing. All of you are great assets for the record label, sure, but if you’re going to be making music well into your fifties and not marrying women young enough to be your daughters, you’ve got to stay grounded now.’
Well. When he put it like that.
‘So, it’s definitely over with you and her?’ he asked again.
‘Yeah.’ I sighed, dropping my head into my hands.
‘And there’s no way you would take her back?’
I glanced up at him. ‘That’s not the problem.’
‘Ah.’
‘Yeah. It was my fault,’ I said, defeated. When I continued, I kept my voice low. ‘The articles, they weren’t – it wasn’t true what they wrote. But I reacted badly. By the time I found out the truth … it was too late. The damage was done.’
The two of us sat in silence as my mind turned over all the opportunities I’d had to slow down, to stop and think about whether Jessy would really do what I’d accused her of.
All the opportunities I’d missed.
‘Well, then I guess we’ll just have to do this awards show and try to forget about her.’ Derek rose to his feet. ‘Now, you think you and the boys will be ready to debut this new song tomorrow?’
TUNING THE GUITAR BACKSTAGE was a lot easier when I could tune Matt and Ben out. Their bickering put old married couples to shame.
‘I’m just saying, it’s so uncomfortable –’
‘This isn’t about whether you’re comfortable or not –’
‘But surely I’d play better if –’
‘This is the Songwriter Awards, you seriously don’t want to wear a suit?’
My fingers moved slowly along the E string.Just focus on the guitar. Don’t think about the song. Don’t think about Jessy, or how you woke up reaching for her last night.
‘Ready?’
I looked up to see Wes smiling, a look of soft concern in his eyes. ‘Yeah.’
‘It’s a great song,’ he said gently. ‘I’m sure everyone’s going to love it.’
He grasped my shoulder as I nodded, unable to find the words.
I’d lost Jessy but gained a song. I wasn’t sure I was happy with the trade, but I would have to learn to be.
‘Two minutes to go,’ hissed a woman wearing a headset and looking down at a time sheet on a tablet. ‘Two minutes!’
Two minutes until These Exiles stepped on to the stage and debuted a completely new song to the world.
