No.
This time it’s more than just a flash. I see him clearly for just a few seconds across the street. And then he’s gone.
“Sydney?” Jade prompts when I stop talking. “You stopped in the middle of my praise, sweetie. You know I need my accolades.”
“Sorry.” I blink, my voice shaky. “I just thought…”
She turns and gives me her full attention, frowning. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
“I thought I saw Chase,” I explain, feeling a little dizzy. “Just—just for a second, on the sidewalk outside.”
Jade’s head whips around. She stares through the window, twisting and turning to examine every face walking by.
“Are you sure?” she asks, anger and anxiety commingling in her voice.
Sure? No, not at all. And Iwantto be wrong, but…
Something gnaws at my gut, that horrible intuition women have spent their entire lives cultivating, sharpened to a razor’s edge from the anguish of navigating a world where too many people wish you harm.
“I’m not certain,” I admit, chewing my lip. “But… I thought I saw him the other day, too. Outside our shop.”
“And youthinkit was him, both times?” Jade stares intensely out the window as if she could will what I saw into existence.
I shake my head.
“No, I… It wasn’t him,” I say, letting the lie settle. “I’m just being paranoid.”
Jade’s lips thin into a straight line.
“Are you sure?” she presses. “Syd, you seem really freaked out?—”
I shake my head, repeating the lie a little louder this time, hoping that I’ll believe it too. “It wasn’t him,” I tell Jade, voice firm. But I can’t meet her eyes when I say it. And she sees right through the lie. Her face darkens.
“Look, I know you don’t want to see Chase again. I get that. But the way your face just paled at the idea of himbeing outside…” Jade trails off without finishing her sentence, watching me too closely. “Syd, lately I’ve been getting a feeling that maybe there’s more to this than you’ve told me.”
She’s right. There is. But it’s hard to admit that I haven’t been honest with her. The one person I know would never judge me, even when I judge myself.
I swallow hard, and when I look up, Jade holds my gaze.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” she presses.
“Of course I know that,” I insist, drying my hands. But I struggle to find the words to tell her.
A long silence stretches between us as we finish cleaning up our pottery station. By the time we’re finished, most of the other students have left.
“I need a drink,” I say suddenly, my voice a little too loud. “Do you need a drink? I think maybe we should replace that hot chocolate idea with a really, really gin-forward glass of straight gin.”
Jade’s smile is only a little strained. “Yes, I need a drink. But no, I’m not drinking straight gin like a goddamn psychopath. I will drink it with vermouth and olive juice like the ladyI am.”
“Bail?” I ask, grinning at her.
“Bail,” she quickly agrees.
Justin can handle running the store a little longer on his own while we get a drink, I reason as we stroll out of the classroom and into the sunny afternoon. Because today… Today, I need to share a long-overdue confession with my best friend. And I need to do it before I lose my nerve.
As soon as we step outside, I shiver, despite the sunny weather. Fall is just around the corner, and there’s finally a chill in the air that I can feel all the way down to my bones. I know everyone loves the summer months, but nothing feels better to me than the beginning of autumn. This is the time of year I truly come alive.
There’s a cocktail bar not far from our pottery class that Jade and I used to frequent all the time, and we head there without discussing it. The Twin Pines used to be our favorite place to grab a drink together after work, but we haven’t been there in a while. Between my breakup, running the café, and dating a harem of men, I guess we just haven’t had the time.
