Jade considers me. “And that’s how you feel now?” she asks. “Out of control?”
“I don’t know. It’s…hard to describe. But it feels like there’s something wrong with me.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “Shouldn’t I feel bad? When I get like this, when the anger takes over, and I just”—I wave my hands through the air—“punch a bitch in the face, shouldn’t I feel something, after? When a man is killed right in front of me, shouldn’t I feel some sort of guilt?”
Jade squeezes my arm. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. And I love you, no matter what. But I don’t think we’re going to solve everything that’s going on in one night, and you’re starting to spiral. I think what we need to do is have a licensed massage therapist smack the worries out of you for a bit.”
“Yeah. You’re right,” I concede.
“As always, but I hate when you state the obvious, it’s so axiomatic.”
“Axiomatic?” I shake my head in disgust. “I knew I should have burned that SAT prep book of yours when I had the chance.”
45
SYDNEY
The massage therapistsat Second Circle are good.Toogood.
The moment we get back to the suite, Jade collapses face-first on the bed and is asleep within seconds. Even I feel relaxed—my muscles loose and languid, my thoughts softened—something I didn’t think was possible after what I went through last night.
While the dulcet sounds of Jade’s light snoring fill the room, I retrieve my phone from the drawer I threw it in earlier. Alec has finally texted me back.
The Boss: You’re right. I don’t want to lie to you anymore. You deserve honesty.
The Boss: Let me take you out tomorrow.
The Boss: Let me show you my world.
I re-read the messages twice, three times, before deciding to reply.
Fine.
His response is almost instantaneous, like he’s been sitting there with his phone in his hand for the last hour and a half, waiting for me to text.
The Boss: Be ready at 7pm, Red.
I inhale slowly. His world. Maybe it should frighten me, knowing what little I do about what his world entails, but I feel something else, instead. Relief. I want to know more. To finally be let in.
My post-massage bliss is already starting to wear off, my mind quickly spiraling again. I can’t sit in this room with my thoughts all on my own while Jade naps. Not tonight. I change out of the plush hotel robe and into the first dress I find shoved into my suitcase.
“I’m going down to the bar,” I tell Jade. “I need a drink.”
“Give me five minutes,” she mumbles sleepily, rolling over onto her side and curling around Bea. She’s asleep again before I even reach the door, and I’m half tempted to snap a photo of the two of them napping together. They’re too cute together. My two favorite girls.
I close the door as quietly as I can.
The third floorhouses the most opulent cocktail bar I’ve ever seen. It’s in line with the rest of this hotel, but it still takes my breath away when the elevator doors slide open, and I experience it for the first time. The cherry red of the walls and floors is paired with deep brown accents and leather furniturepolished to a soft sheen. The whole place makes me feel like I need a three-piece suit and a cigar to fit in.
It’s busy, but not overcrowded. I take a seat at the bar, avoiding direct adjacency to anyone.
“Gin martini,” I tell the bartender when she approaches. She’s beautiful, just like every other woman I’ve seen working here so far. “Filthy, please.”
It’s mostly women filling up the room, I notice, as I look around. Women drinking together, women chatting around dark wooden tables, women working behind the bar. But no sooner has the bartender returned with my drink than I hear a man’s voice behind me.
“Haven’t seen you around here before,” he says casually. “You new?”
I turn, and there’s a portly man in an overly starched suit standing at my shoulder. He leans an elbow on the bar, watching me.
“I just got here, actually,” I answer with a polite smile.
