When we enter, a hush falls over the team at the sight of me. Kellan ignores their stares as he places me down on the bench seat, then drops to a knee in front of me. The concern in his eyes is sweet but it isn’t needed. He tentatively reaches out and traces a finger down my bruised cheek, making me wince.
“He do that?” he asks quietly.
I reel back in surprise and shake my head. “N-” I close my mouth and try to clear my throat, Kellan grabs a water bottle from somewhere and hands it to me. I take a small sip and cough. I try again and this time I manage to swallow some of it without coughing, but the pain is fucking there reminding me of him. “No. Not in that way at least.” My voice is brittle and lined with pain.
Kellan purses his lips and nods, but the crestfallen look on his face is like a punch to the gut. I reach out and cup his cheek, forcing his gaze back to mine. He looks utterly wrecked and a part of me knows that I’m to blame for that look. I told him and showed him on multiple occasions that I had feelings for him and he never once told me how he felt. One night we kissed and then he acted like it never happened, which hurt.
Xaden may be an asshole and heavy handed, but he’s never hidden what he wants or shied away from showing anyone that I’m his.
Am I his?
I push that thought from my mind as I focus back on Kellan. “Come back with me,” he pleads.
My face contorts, regret churns inside me but I can’t lie to him. “It’s too late,” I whisper.
He places his hand over the one I have pressed against his cheek holding it there. “Don’t say that. He isn’t who you think he is.” I’m so tired of everyone telling me what to fucking think about Xaden. He’s been honest about who he is from the start. “He can never give you the life you deserve.”
“I’m the one who gets to decide what type of life I want to live. Not you. Not my brother and certainly not my father.” My tone is firm and husky from Xaden bruising my windpipe. “I begged you.” Kellan winces but I push on. “I waited for you to see me, to choose me, but you never did. You wanted me to be your dirty little secret?—”
“You weren’t a secret!” he defends. “He’s been filling your head with shit and turning you against us.”
I pull my hand back and harden my features. “He hasn’t done anything aside from showing me the truth,” I hiss.
Kellan scoffs in disgust. “He told you what you wanted to hear so he could get in your pants, Toren. I thought you were smarter than that.” The snickers of his team mates only serve to piss me off more.
“Fuck you,” I snap and push to my feet, glaring down at Kellan. Being the smug bastard he is, he stands so he can tower over me and make me feel meek and small. He looks down his nose at me with contempt. I see the truth loud and clear, Kellan never felt the same way I did. He only led me on in case he needed a backup plan one day. My last name would have opened so many doors for him.
“If you’re offering, I won’t say no,” he says in an arrogant tone that makes his friends laugh and cheer for their assistant captain.
“Touch her and I’ll tear your fucking face off.” I snap my head to the door to see Cas standing there seething. It’s so strange to feel relieved at the sight of him. I know he’s angry with me and I get it, but the fact he still came to find me means everythingto me. I spot Harper standing behind him. I move away from Kellan. He tries to reach for me but Cas steps forward and pins him with a look. “Give me a fucking reason to slaughter you right here in front of your team,” he says in a deathly calm tone. Kellan vibrates with fury but says nothing. I slip past Cas and rush to Harper, who wraps me in a hug.
“Are you okay?” She asks when I pull back.
“Yeah, I’ll live.”
“You don’t sound happy about that?” she hedges. I don’t respond as Cas comes to stand beside us.
“Let’s go,” he says, then stalks off. I run to catch up with him and grab his hand, pulling him to a stop. He tugs his hand free and scowls at me.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask.
“Home.”
I shake my head. “I’m not going back to Xaden’s?—”
“I never said we were staying there. We need to change. Move your ass, Terror, or I’ll drag you out of here, but either way, you’re coming with me.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
TOREN
I've been a nervous wreck ever since we pulled out of the parking lot of the rink. When I saw Xaden’s car, I expected him to be inside it but when we climbed in it was empty. Cas didn’t offer an explanation for why he had his car or where he was so I didn't ask. Truth is, I’m terrified to face him again.
I think if I’m being honest, I crave the solace Xaden Devlin offers because I know at any minute he can end my suffering. I crave the bliss he can offer. Most of all I crave his touch. The way he can set me ablaze is addicting, he’s a drug to me. I know it’s fucked to want someone after what he has done and just did, but I can’t turn off how I feel. I hate myself for feeling this way, but unless you have walked a fucking mile in my shoes, don’t you dare judge me.
It’s fucking soul destroying to wake up every day knowing that your family wants nothing to do with you, and the friends you thought would be with you for life have turned their backs on you. Learning your best friend died and you took the lives of two innocent people is hell. When you’ve had your home ripped away, the only life you have known stolen from you and you’re dropped on the doorstep of your brother’s enemy only for that enemy to offer you a safe place to lay your head, then openedyour eyes to the lies you have been fed your whole life, then you may fucking judge me.
When we arrived back at Xaden’s, he was nowhere to be seen. Cas told us to change and wash up. Harper told me she heard him telling Brady that he would meet him at the beach. Unlike last time, I don’t wear a swimsuit. I chose to wear my low rise jeans that sit perfectly on my hips and paired it with a white crop top that exposes my toned belly. Tonight, I refused to leave the past behind and secured the pendant Em gave me around my neck.
