“You’re making promises you can’t keep, Tink,” he says in a tone that has me tensing.
“I didn’t lie to her.”
He scoffs and releases me with a shove. I stumble forward and whirl around to scowl at him. “The fact you think you are safe around me shows how fucking stupid you truly are.”
I clench my fists at my sides and scowl at him. “Why do you hate me?” The moment the words fly out of my mouth I regret them. That’s the second his face blanks of all emotion and his eyes narrow. I know he is about to throwthatnight in my face and I mentally prepare myself for the guilt that will follow his words.
“The fact you have to ask shows how fucked in the head you are. You changed my whole life because you were fucking selfish!” he roars. I stumble back a step in fear.
“Xaden, I swear. I know myself and there is no way I would have gotten behind that wheel,” I implore him with my words to believe me, but I see it in his eyes that he doesn’t.
“And I would rather be carried by six than tried by twelve.”
I stare up at him in confusion. “What the hell does that even mean?”
“It means I would rather die than stand here and look at the pathetic sight in front of me for a minute longer.”
I can’t hold the emotions in any longer, I’ve been fighting to stay strong and put on a brave face from the moment I got out of Walter House. I thought I could do this and weather everything they all had to throw at me but I can’t.
A horrible sob rips out of me. The sound is so animalistic and primal, every ounce of pain I have suppressed and hidden pours out of me in the form of pain filled screams of agony. I wrap myarms around my stomach and fall to my knees against the hard concrete of the roof, but I feel none of it, only the pain inside me.
The loss of Kenna, the abandonment of my brother and father. Kellan’s rejection, Cas not being able to stomach the sight of me. Losing the life I once had. Not having Em here to tell me everything is going to be okay. Every piece of me feels like it’s been blown into a million pieces and scattered throughout the city. I feel like I will forever be a broken puzzle that will never have its pieces put back together again.
No one wants me.
I’m unloved by my own family, my friends have turned their backs on me and I’m left to fend for myself. My dad won’t even let me live in my house. I was beaten up on my first day at college. Nothing will ever be the same again and no matter how much I try to rationalize that night, it won’t change anything. I may know myself and think I didn’t get behind that wheel but it doesn’t matter. Everyone says it's true and they believe it. I killed innocent people that night and I have no fucking clue why I would have wanted to leave the party drunk. There has to be a reason.
The ache inside me morphs into darkness, it shrouds me in anger and hate. What’s the point of trying to be good? No one liked me when I was just Toren Kellar, the good girl who got straight As to please her daddy. Maybe, just fucking maybe I need to learn to bury all the pain of the past so deep down inside of me that over the years I will forget about it and then it won’t exist anymore.
I can’t keep falling down this hole. I’m not strong enough to get myself out of it and no one around here will care enough to notice.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
XADEN
My anger is still thrumming inside me, seeing her so weak and broken on her knees as she cries out in pain satisfies the beast lurking beneath my skin. The thirst for her misery and pain is being sated right now. I want to bask in the beauty of it and imprint this moment in my mind's eye but I know this is the best chance I have of getting her to let me in. I put a lid on the disgust I feel toward her and force myself to go numb. Vengeance is what I seek and in order to get that, I need to get a handle on my hatred for her or I risk blowing this beautiful plan up before I even get a chance to make my move.
I’m supposed to be meeting Lorenzo tonight, but I plan to destroy this bitch first before I make that meeting. Knowing I just fucked his sister while I sit across from Masen is going to be worth it.
I crouch down and gather her in my arms. I slam my eyes closed when she burrows into me and clings to my shirt as she sobs. This is going to be harder than I fucking thought. I force my mind blank as I stand with her in my arms bridal style and make my way back inside, or I risk losing control and tossing her off the fucking roof just so I can watch her splatter on the concrete sidewalk below.
By the time we reach the apartment her cries have quieted. I step inside and kick the door closed behind me. I spot Cas in the living room watching our game day tapes. When he turns and sees her in my arms, a dark look overcomes him. He inhales and then in the next second the look is gone, replaced by understanding. He knows I’m about to make my move and as much as it disgusts him, knowing what I am about to do, he gets it. I don’t know where the fuck her friend went and I don’t care. I know Cas will handle that bitch while I deal with this one.
I take measured steps down the hallway, warring within myself. If I do this, I can never take it back. But, her face flashes through my mind and instantly I’m numb all over. I feel no disgust, no reservations for touching her and disgracing the memories of those I love by fucking this bitch. I stop outside her room and look down at her to find her gaze already on me.
“You get two choices, Tink.” My tone is firm and unyielding. “I drop your ass right here and you crawl into your bedaloneand cry yourself to sleep like a pathetic little girl.” She flinches at the bite in my tone but I ignore it as I continue on. “Or, you spend the night with me and I take your mind off of everything butme.”
Her eyes widen slightly and her mouth parts on a silent gasp. I don’t move or even blink as I force her to choose. She’s been sheltered her whole fucking life and had all her decisions made for her, she’s never needed to stand on her own two-fucking-feet until her ass was dumped on the front steps of my school.
She swallows, then darts her tongue out to moisten her lips, I can tell she is warring with the choice. She wants me to decide for her and I refuse to fucking be like her cunt of a father and brother. Her ass needs to grow the fuck up because she will get no pity from me.
“I…” She stops and clears her throat, then hardens her resolve before speaking again. “I don’t want to sleep alone.” I say nothing as I continue past her room to mine. When we cross thethreshold, I kick the door closed. Suddenly my room feels like a tomb. I’m about to take this shit to the next level and I plan to make it a night this bitch will never forget because I plan to have her so fucking hungry for my cock she becomes a stage five clinger. Now, that shit I can use against her brother at our game.
I move toward the bed with sure steps. I come to a stop at the edge and slowly lower her to her feet, making sure to let her glide down my front so she can feel every inch of my body on her way down. The soft mewl that comes from her has me smirking. Once she is on her feet, she keeps her eyes down and focused on my chest. I keep my hands on her waist, not making a move. She may have said she wants this but she needs to fucking prove she wants this. I may be a sadistic fuck but I’ll never force a woman, not even the one I hunger to kill that is standing in front of me. She reaches up and unclasps her necklace. I try to get a look at the thing but she shoves it in her pocket.
She slowly lifts her head, finally meeting my stare. I see a dark look in her eyes that I’ve never seen before. She no longer has that haunted look in her eyes that she’s been sporting for days. She looks hardened and resolute. I roll my lips over my teeth to keep from smiling, it appears the fairy has found her backbone and wants to come play on the dark side.
She swallows audibly. “Make me forget,” she says in a tone that would have a good man refusing to fuck her and forcing her to express how she feels, but not me. I grip the hem of her shirt and tear it to fucking shreds, making her gasp. My brows raise in surprise at the sight of her tits, fuck she has a nice rack. She reaches back and undoes her bra, then lets it slide down her arms, her dusty pink nipples hard and ready for the taking.
