“We got flowers and we’re going there now.” I gripped the steering wheel harder. “Asshole.”
“Don’t get upset with me and call me names because you fucked up. I hope you can still fix things with her. If it’s too late, I guess family dinners will be slightly less awkward in the future.”
“That’s not fucking funny.” Cash adjusted the flowers again. “We’re going to fix things. No matter what it takes.”
70
***Cash***
“What the hell is Elvis doing here?” Hayes drew our attention to the front steps of the house where Elvis was sitting with his own flowers in his hands. Judging by the way his head was hanging so low, I doubted he’d had any luck at getting through to Jolene.
“Life has gotten fucking weird.” I was walking towards a very depressed looking Elvis Presley impersonator whose crystal covered jumpsuit was reflecting the sun and killing my eyes.
Elvis looked up when we got closer and the hope that flashed across his face was a blow to the gut. He’d been hoping for Jolene, that was for sure. When he saw us his face fell and he sighed. “No one’s home.”
“You’re sure?” I walked to the door anyway and knocked. “Cassidy?”
“I’ve been here for two hours. A neighbor took pity on me and came out and told me he saw two Dolly Partons leave earlier.”
“Two Dolly Partons?” West shook his head. “Then Cassidy could still be inside. She doesn’t do the Dolly thing.”
Elvis sighed even more dramatically. “Jolene would never let another Dolly hang out with her. It had to be Cass. She would’ve yanked the wig off of anyone else.”
I sat down next to him. “Is that some sort of impersonator code or something?”
“Nope. That’s a Jolene thing. Crazy, insane woman. You know she cut the crotch out of all my favorite jumpsuits? She thought I was cheating and snapped.” He plucked one of the petals off his flowers and let it fall to the ground. “Why am I so obsessed with that crazy woman?”
Hayes pushed his face into his flowers and paced in front of us. “Did the neighbor say anything about where they were going? Did they mention if Cassidy looked okay?”
“Oh. You boys are in love jail, too, huh? What happened?” Looking at each of us, the older man winced. “Shit. Must’ve been bad with the way y’all look. Did she cut the crotches out of your football uniforms?”
“I wish.” West came from around the side of the house and sank into the grass. “I looked through the window. She’s not in her room.”
“You went looking through the windows?” Hayes sounded impressed instead of worried about West’s sanity.
“I needed to make sure she wasn’t hiding in her room.” He growled and fell back so he was laying next to us. “Fuck, do I wish this was all because she cut our shit up. Nope, Elvis, you’re looking at three dumbasses who let Cassidy think they didn’t care about her and then didn’t fight to tell her she was wrong.”
“Oof.” Elvis’ head jerked up at the sound of a vehicle coming closer but when we saw that it was just another truck we all deflated. “Maybe they’ll see the four of us and feel moved toforgive us. I mean, y’all could have on more rhinestones but you showed up, at least.”
“What the fuck is going on here?”
I looked up at the giant of a man storming towards us and it took me a few seconds to understand that what I was seeing was real. The man was the size of me and West put together and he had a face only a mother could love, twisted in rage. I didn’t even have time to react before he had me dangling off the ground by the collar of my shirt.
“Why are you here? Jolene ismywoman!” Up close he was even uglier. It was hard to focus on his face when his knuckles were digging into my throat, though.
I’d never felt like a small man before but being dangled two feet off the ground was really humbling. I grunted when he shook me around and then tossed me to the ground. “What the fuckareyou? Jesus!”
Elvis faced off with the giant and I had a feeling no one was going to claim he was still alive when the big man was finished with him. “Jolene is not your woman! Jolene is mine, you big sonofabitch!”
“Oh, fuck.” West and Hayes saw the same thing I did; the giant man was pulling his fist back to end Elvis. The three of us exchanged a quick glance before diving into a fight we were probably going to lose. West and I jumped on the man’s arm and shared a horrified glance when his arm didn’t immediately drop. We were fighting an actual superhero, I was pretty sure.
Elvis jumped up and jabbed the guy in his eyes and danced away. “Come on, bitch! I’ll show you why Jolene is going to choose me!”
Hayes went flying by as he was shoved away. “Jesus Christ!”
It was only after West and I had both been tossed to the ground that I accepted that we were going to be beaten to a pulp before we could get Cassidy to forgive us. I barely misseda massive foot crushing my chest as I rolled away and jumped to my feet. Elvis had danced too close to the giant and had been scooped up. West swore and jumped back into the fight. Hayes was right behind him.
“Fuck it!” I jumped on the guy’s back and wrapped my arms around his neck but after I saw him punch West and Elvis in one swing of his huge fist I understood that I was just holding onto him for fun, basically. I’d basically become a fucking backpack.
