“Anyways,” I chuckle, letting out an embarrassed laugh. “Thanks for basically being my unpaid therapist and only friend here,” I tell him. “Well besides Piper, but she’s my sister and she’s bound to me because of that whole twin thing. She doesn’t get a choice in the matter.”
He laughs loudly at that last bit, which makes me smile. I love the sound of his laugh, and I love that even though it’s been weird between us, that I can still be the one to bring that laugh out of him.
We coast around the rink, making decent speed I might add, and everything just feels right in the world again. I know I’ll have to go home and talk to Kevin, and at some point I’ll have to break the news to my parents that my fancy art history degree that they helped pay for is basically garbage now. All I want to do is stay here in this moment forever, even if it’s Spencer freaking Larson sharing it with me.
The lights strung around the ice rink are shining brightly against the night sky, and the funnel cake booth is giving off the most delicious aromas. The snow is falling softly from the sky, dusting everything in a fresh layer of powder. Everything is perfect.
At least it is, until Spencer loses his footing and brings us both crashing down onto the ice. I scream out as we fall, and I hear the breath get knocked out of his lungs when I land heavily on top of him. My head is laying on his chest, and his hands are wrapped protectively around me. Both of us are sprawled out in the middle of the rink, and when I lift my head from his chest to look at him, he’s already staring at me.
It shouldn’t be funny, my elbow is most definitely bruised and I know he can’t feel any better, but suddenly we ‘re both laughing hysterically. And it feels good. It feels so damn good to just laugh with him. At him. At us.
I’m still laughing when his eyes meet mine again, and this time his bright hazel eyes aren’t filled with laughter and joy. I stop laughing when I realize that the tension between us isn’t funny anymore, it’s something else. A type of longing shines back at me from his eyes, and I feel my insides melt like butter. The butterflies aren’t fluttering anymore, they’re nowhere to be found. In their place is a hot, molten feeling, and all I want to do is forget our past, and the last few years, and press my lips to his.
He licks his lips and I feel my body moving involuntarily towards him, which isn’t as difficult as one might think while we are sprawled out on the ice like lovesick teens. His breathing picks up underneath my chest, my lungs don’t take much convincing to match his. I’m hovering just above him now, looking down at him and his brilliantly sexy eyes that flutter open and closed underneath his long lashes as he blinks up at me. The snow is falling around us, and it melts into his sandy blonde hair within mere seconds of landing. All I want to do is reach up and run my hands through it, to feel the texture of his locks between my gloved fingertips. So I do just that. His eyes close and his lips part as I softly touch him, then trail my fingers down his face and over his brow, nose, and then I trace his lip softly. He lets out a low moan of pleasure that sends fireworks shooting throughout my entire body. I want to taste that moan with my own lips, to taste him everywhere.
I slowly bring my lips to his, a whisper of a kiss sits between us, each of us silently daring the other to make the next move. I feel his breath against my lips, and he opens his eyes to look at me. His brow furrows, and his hands reach up to grip my shoulders…and he pushes me away gently.
I’m absolutely mortified. I mumble out an apology and get to my feet as quickly as I can, my skate slips and I fall on my ass in the process. Spencer gets to his feet, and he holds his hand out to help me up. I can’t even look at him right now, let alone have him touch me again. I refuse his hand and get myself to my feet, my entire body is in a hot flash of embarrassment and I rush to the exit of the rink as quickly as my skates can take me. I hear him calling my name from behind me, but I can’t face him. Not after…not after I just made an epic fool of myself.
I grab my boots from the shoe bin and stumble to the closest bench to rip my skates off, willing myself not to cry in the process. I will not let him see me cry, not again.
He reaches my side by the time I have both of my boots on and fully laced up. “Phoebe, I’m sorry,” he stammers out. “Please, just let me explain.”
“Explain what? That I’m the wrong sister? Again!” I yell out, not bothering to lower my voice when we get nosy glances thrown our way. “I already know that. Trust me, I know. You don’t need to remind me. I’m sorry, I’m an idiot and got caught up in the moment. It won’t happen again.” I stand and head towards the car, leaving him speechless.
I have nothing to say to him when he finally gets into the car ten minutes later, and he doesn’t attempt to talk to me the entire drive home.
Chapter Twelve
Spencer
Idon’tthinkI’veever felt this awful before. Well, I guess once before this. When I let Piper kiss me during the Winter formal that I invited Phoebe to…as my date. This feeling is worse though, because she chose me this time. Phoebe wanted me to kiss her back just as badly as I wanted to kiss her. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for hurting her again, but I couldn’t kiss her knowing that I’ve been lying to her for years.
The tension in my gut hasn’t gone away, and staring at the streetlights decorated with colorful Christmas lights on the way home isn't helping.
I know I should say something to break the silence that is stretched taut between us. But, I truly have no words. I can’t believe I let myself blow this one in a million second chance with her. It’s no surprise that she’s angry at me. She hasn’t spoken a word to me since I got into the car. Honestly, I’m shocked that she even waited for me. I already had my Uber app up and ready to request a ride when I saw her car still sitting in the small parking lot towards the back of the market. I should apologize to her. I know I’ve hurt her, but how do I apologize when I can’t tell her the real reason why?
She thinks I pulled away because she’s not Piper, but that’s not it at all.
I pulled away because I don’t want her to think that there is any universe where I would choose anyone over her.
I wouldn’t.
I couldn’t.
Phoebe is seared into my soul, and she’s been the only one for me from the first moment I laid eyes on her.
That’s what makes all of this so messed up. I can’t tell her why I kissed Piper way back when, and because of that, she’ll always think that she’s second best to her sister. I can’t make this better without betraying her sister, and I can’t betray her sister to get what I desperately want…which is Phoebe.
I’d do anything to go back in time and erase everything that’s happened between us. To get that real shot at starting over, the way it should be. Or I guess, the way I wish it could be.
She pulls into her driveway and turns the car off. She still hasn’t spoken, or even looked my way since we left the ice-rink. I don’t blame her. If the situation was reversed and she pushed me away at that moment, especially after how great of a time we were having together, I’d be upset too. I may not be able to tell her why, but I can still do my best to apologize to her.
I run my hands through my hair, working up the courage to speak to her, when she gets out of the car and slams the door hard behind her.
So much for that apology.
I jump out of the car and have to jog to catch up with her. She’s already made it to the front steps of the house, and I feel a pang of regret walking up those steps behind her. How was it just yesterday that we were huddled up together on these same steps? Last night she confided in me and allowed me to comfort her. Tonight I’ve gone and made an entire mess of everything again. If I could punch myself in the face, I would.
