And he thinks Spencer and I are a thing, which was funny at first. But now that there’s a chance of him saying something about us to my parents…it’s definitely not funny anymore.
I need to go back and talk to him and set the record straight. Hearing him call me ‘babe’ set off every fiber in my body though. It felt like my skin was going to combust in anger, fury, and hatred. Who the hell does he think he is? He can’t just come back into my life a year later and act like everything is dandy again.
He doesn’t get to ruin Christmasagain.
I’m all revved up and ready to go back and give Kevin a real piece of my mind when the passenger door opens…and Spencer gets in.
“Hey,babe. Whatcha doing out here all on your own? Did you forget how to drive while living that subway life in the big city?” he teases, withmycrooked smile on his lips. The fury that was spooling in my body mere moments ago has now fully evolved into hostile butterflies.
And my goodness they are flying up a storm right now.
I huff out a defeated laugh. “Funny,” is all I say back to him. I don’t trust myself not to burst into tears in front of him again.
“How about we leave all this drama behind and go do something fun?”
I glance over and when my eyes meet his, it’s the first time all day that I’ve felt like I don’t have to put on this facade of happiness. For whatever reason, I feel more myself around him than I’ve felt for a long time. I’m not quite ready to dive into what that means for me, but I do know that I’m not ready to let it go. Whateverthisis.
So I buckle my seatbelt and put the car in drive. “Where to?”
His answering smile might just light up my entire world.
“Okay, how are you so bad at this!” I cackle while Spencer clings to the guardrail surrounding the ice-skating rink. “This was your idea!”
His skates glide unsteadily underneath him as he grips the rail hard enough to make his knuckles turn white. “I never did this as a kid! I assumed you didn’t either, which now watching you skate around me like one of those pros in the flashy dresses on the television, I know that was wishful thinking on my part,” he grumbles back before his feet slip out from underneath him…again.
He falls hard on his back and I have to swallow the laughter trying to claw out of my throat. He’s already fallen so many times that I stopped keeping count, but I do admire his persistence. Every time he falls, he gets right back up.
I put my hand out to help him up and he slaps it away and laughs as he stumbles unsteadily back to his feet. “I appreciate the offer, but we’ll both just end up on our backs if you try to help me up,” he winks at me and attempts to stretch his back out before he slips and falls to the ice again.
I don’t bother trying to hide my giggle when I reach my hand out again, offering to help him to his feet. His hand grips mine and I feel the chill of his fingertips through my gloves as I struggle to pull him up. His cheeks are flushed red, and I can’t tell if it’s because of the chill in the air or if he’s embarrassed about falling again. I’d like to think that it’s because of me, but I really, really shouldn’t let myself go there.
Luckily, there are only a handful of other patrons here tonight, and the other skaters tend to mind their own business while gliding on by us. It’s sort of a rule of thumb to just pretend that everyone knows what they are doing while on the ice, and to not make a huge deal about the adults whowillmost definitely fall five hundred times while learning the skill.
“Come on, you’ll never learn if you keep leeching yourself onto that rail the entire time.” His hand is still grasped in my own, so I tug lightly and help him steady himself without the help of the handrail. He wobbles on his skates for a moment, but he seems to catch his balance pretty quickly. “Here, hold my arm,” I tell him and I slowly move his hand to the crook of my arm. “Now we are going to go slow until you feel confident enough to let go of my arm.”
“Looks like I’ll be holding on to you for the rest of my life then,” he chuckles out and loses his balance again. I use all my strength to keep him upright and we begin slowly moving around the rink again. “Thanks for this, I know this couldn’t have been your idea of a good time when I offered.” His expression is entirely too serious as he concentrates on not falling, which makes it easy for me to keep sneaking peeks at him. I know I shouldn’t, but dammit he’s just so handsome, and there is something extremely sexy about his vulnerability out here on the ice.
“I’m actually having more fun with you right now than I have over the last couple of days,” I confess. “And that makes me feel like an asshole, but it’s also sort of liberating to admit that outloud.” I catch his small smile out of the corner of my eyes and it sends those pesky butterflies free in my stomach again.
“You might feel like an asshole, but I promise you that feeling the way you feel doesn’t make you one. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed and out of sorts, Phoebe. You’ve been away for a long time, and I can’t imagine it’s been easy to come back to all this chaos. And by chaos I mean this whole contest that our parents decided to spring on us,” he grins then continues. “And also, your ex boyfriend showing up out of the blue, that can’t exactly have been fun for you. Unless you like that he’s here, that would be alright too.” He gives my arm a subtle squeeze, but doesn’t press me to talk.
“Honestly,” I say after a moment of silence passes between us. “I don’t know how I feel about him being here. I haven’t talked to him in a year, and I don’t want to hear his excuses now. I don’t care if he misses me, or if he made the biggest mistake of his life by letting me go,” I admit while we carefully glide along the curve of the rink. I love the sound the ice makes when the blade of my skate goes over it. I catch his gaze and he raises an eyebrow at me in question.
“He waited near the front of the market for me, and as soon as I saw him I figured I might as well get this talk over with, so I let him drive me home. He said all the right things, along with everything I had been waiting to hear from his lips over the last year. Six months ago that would have been enough for me to fall right back into being with him,” I continue. “But six months ago I was a mess of a person…a person that didn’t know how to love being by herself.”
“And you don’t feel like that anymore?”
“No, I mean. Maybe? I would be lying if I told you I haven’t missed him, he was my closest friend in New York, and when he dumped me I’ve never felt so alone. But I also don’t miss the person I was when I was with him. I’d rather be alone than go back to being that person. I turned into that typical girl who falls head over heels for the handsome, rich, mogul of a man. I did everything he wanted. I dressed the way he wanted. I forced myself to like the things he liked, even if I hated them. I was walking on eggshells the entire time I was with him, just waiting for him to realize I wasn’t the person he wanted me to be.”
We get into a steady groove and pick up speed while we talk. I can’t believe how easy it is to talk to Spencer. I feel like a teenage girl spilling all my secrets into my diary before bedtime. There’s always been something about Spencer, even as kids, we would talk for hours about everything and nothing at the same time. He was always closer to Piper, but we still had our moments of friendship over the years. And obviously I was in love with his teenage-self.
“Today just reaffirmed what I’ve felt for a long time,” I say confidently.
“And what’s that?” Spencer asks quietly.
“I don’t want to be a part of that world anymore. I don’t belong in the city. I miss my family. I even miss this tiny town that I couldn’t wait to escape. But mostly, I miss myself, the person I was before I got sucked into the corporate life that Kevin lives,” I finally admit. To him, to myself. Saying it outloud feels like a boulder has been lifted off of my chest. “I don’t hate the guy, I just don’t want to be the person I was for him any longer.”
And I want to quit my job in the city and move home to be closer to my family. I want to meet someone I can make a life with, and have silly holiday traditions that we can pass down to our kids one day. I don’t tell him that last bit, but every part of it is true.
