“I know,” she replies.
We sit there in the quiet, the past and present tangled between us like threads neither of us quite knows how to pull apart.
I don’t tell her I still love her.
I don’t tell her that every instinct in me wants to reach across the space and pull her into my arms, to feel the weight of her against me, to reassure myself she’s real and here and not just another thing I’ve lost.
I don’t tell her that wanting her still feels dangerous.
Because loving her means putting her happiness above my own.
And right now, her happiness doesn’t include me.
The night deepens around us, the porch light casting long shadows. Inside, Lily stirs and settles again, the bear still at my side like a promise.
Claire stands first, smoothing her dress. “I should head home.”
“Yeah,” I say, rising slowly. “Me too. I should… take this back upstairs.”
She smiles at the bear. “She’ll be relieved.”
We walk to the door together, the moment fragile but unbroken.
As she steps inside, she pauses and looks back at me.
“Ethan?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you,” she says. “For tonight.”
I nod, not trusting my voice.
When the door closes behind her, I stay on the porch for a long time, staring out into the dark.
The confession I didn’t make burns quietly in my chest.
It hurts, but it’s a hurt I cherish.
WANTING
Chapter 54
Ethan
Dr. Nora Alvarez’s office smells faintly of citrus and old books. The light this afternoon is soft, filtered through linen curtains that move slightly with the hum of the building’s old ventilation system.
I sit on the couch I’ve started thinking of asmine, hands clasped, one ankle hooked over the other. My knee still bounces, but less than it used to.
“That’s new,” Dr. Alvarez says, noticing anyway.
“What?”
“The stillness,” she replies. “You’re not very anxious today.”
I huff a laugh. “Give it time.”
She smiles, small and knowing, and crosses one long leg over the other. She’s tall, elegant in an effortless way, olive skin warm against the neutral tones of the room. Her dark curls are pulled back loosely today, a few escaping to frame her face, and her brown eyes, sharp and expressive, stay on me.
