How did I break something so good?
The question has no answer that doesn’t make me hate myself a little more.
She’s still smiling, still caught in the memory of Jenny, and the sight of it hurts in a way that’s almost unbearable.
The words slip out before I can stop them.
“I wish you’d never met me.”
The smile fades instantly.
Her eyes flicker, pain flashing across her face so quickly it nearly guts me.
“Ethan.”
“I mean it,” I say softly, urgently, leaning forward without crossing the space between us. “If you hadn’t… if I hadn’t been part of your life, maybe you wouldn’t have been hurt the way you were. Maybe I wouldn’t be… this scar you carry.”
Her breath catches. She goes very still.
For a moment, I think I’ve said too much. That I’ve crossed a line I can’t uncross.
Then she exhales slowly and looks away, thoughtful instead of angry.
“If you’d asked me that a few weeks ago,” she says quietly, “I might’ve agreed with you.”
My chest tightens.
“But now?” She turns back to me, eyes clear despite the sadness there. “Now I don’t think I do.”
I frown.
“I lumped everything together for a long time,” she continues. “All the pain, all the hurt. I put it in one box and labeled it misery and tried not to open it.”
She pauses, fingers curling in the fabric of her dress. “But lately… I’ve been sorting through it. And when I do, I can see that I was happy too. Really happy. You’re not just the reason I was hurt. You’re also part of why I know what happiness feels like.”
Her voice is steady, but the truth of her words knocks the air from my lungs.
I swallow hard, my throat burning.
How could I have hurt the best person I know?
The guilt rises, thick and suffocating, and for a moment I have to look away, blinking hard.
“I don’t deserve that kind of grace,” I say hoarsely.
She watches me closely now. Not guarded. Curious. As if she’s seeing me.
“I see you differently now,” she says after a moment.
That gets my attention.
“How?”
“Solid,” she says thoughtfully. “Respectful. Dependable.”
My chest cracks open at that.
“I’m trying,” I admit.
