He sat down beside me and looked at me earnestly. “I thought that’s what we had, Annabelle. I swear I did. And, I’ll say it again. If you want to do this, I’m in. I know we’ll have a nice life together.”
I sat up and turned to face him. “Holden, you deserve more than a nice life. You deserve for your heart to pound. You deserve to be with someone who makes you better, who lifts you up, who makes you feel like you can do anything. You deserve to be with a woman who looks at you and really sees you, who understands you without a single word.”
“You won’t believe this,” he said, hiding a smile. “I think she might be the one.”
In spite of myself I laughed quietly through my tears. Holden had always waxed poetic about the mathematical impossibility of there being only one right person for every other one. And, seeing someone with such a good heart be so happy made me a little bit happy.
I felt a pang of nostalgia thinking of those perfect pink peonies that were always waiting for me on his nightstand. He definitely wasn’t my one. But he was someone else’s.
And, though I didn’t want to, I thought of Rob.
Holden had wanted me to stay the night, cuddle up and watch one last movie for old times’ sake. But, instead, I found myself kissing Lovey’s exhausted forehead, turning off her lamp and slipping into the guest bed at her assisted living apartment. I marveled at her strength, at her ability to get back in that bed, in that room, where she had found him only a few days earlier.
I lay in bed for hours that night thinking. I ached for the baby I had lost, for the love that had slipped through my fingers, for the sadness of all of the losses combined together.
And then I thought of Rob.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed, tied the silk robe draped over the back of the chair around my waist, and marched myself out the door, fuzzy slippers and all.
I don’t think I even thought of how ridiculous I must look, walking up Lovey and D-daddy’s old driveway in slippers meant for a child, complete with bunnies, and a gown meant for a gentleman’s club. But it was one of those rare moments in life where common sense abdicates the throne, losing a near-bloodless battle to pure, unadulterated lack of self-control.
I marched myself right through the front door, slammed it and bounded down the hall to the guest room, Rob’s room for the night, flipping on the lights. He bolted up, stunned from the intrusion, rubbing his eyes and squinting at me. I couldn’t help but lose my train of thought. I’d never imagined the parish priest I so often shared my cupcake with to have such a toned upper body.
I pointed to the front door and said, “I don’t care how much youtrust people, I will not, under any circumstances, sleep with my doors unlocked.”
He rubbed his eyes again, as if trying to discern if this was the real me or the figment-of-his-imagination me. Those dimples sprang up, and he said, “Okay.”
“And if you’re going to wake up every fifteen minutes with a message from the Holy Spirit that it’s time to move parishes, I absolutely insist on hiring movers to box up all our stuff because you know how much I hate to pack.”
“Ourstuff?”
I sat down on the edge of his bed, my voice finally softening and said, “I know that even though you pretend to be excited when she brings them, you don’t like Mrs. Taylor’s famous brownies one bit. I know that you purposely give me jobs and send me on errands that you know will make me recognize a skill within me that you see but I don’t. I know that you love trashy, prime-time TV even though you’d never admit you watch it.” He was half sitting, propped on his elbows now, so I leaned to take both of his cheeks in my hands. “And I know that you are the most selfless, loving, wonderful man that I have ever met.”
He sat up now, wrapped his arms around me and enveloped me in a kiss. I closed my eyes and melted into the feel of his body pressed into mine, wanting to do things that one should never think about with a man of God—until he was her husband, that is.
“And you’re right,” I whispered, “I do love you.”
He kissed me again. “I’ve waited a very long time to hear that.”
“This is probably very inappropriate,” I said. “Maybe you should get up.”
He shook his head. “Can’t.”
He pointed to his sheet and raised his eyebrows.
“And now I know you sleep naked.” I winked at him. “Can’t wait for that on the honeymoon.”
“The honeymoon... ,” he whined.
I looked at him and crossed my arms, smiling. “I think we’re going to have quite the wedding night.”
“When is that again?”
I looked down at the space on my arm where a watch should be and said, “Well, the last time I rushed into something so serious, it didn’t end well for me.” I sat back down and looked into his kind face. And I knew that he would understand. “I want to do it right this time. I want to take the time to learn how to be an amazing wife, the kind of woman you deserve. I want to go to premarital counseling and know that we’re on the same page with everything.”
He pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear and kissed me. Then he rested his forehead on mine and said, “I love that about you, Ann. And I want you to know that you don’t have to do anything other than just be who you are. And I can promise you, truly, from the depths of my soul, that I will love you with a vengeance and be faithful to you until the day I die.”
Despite what I had been through, despite the disgrace and shame and devastation and indignity of the past year, I knew that I could trust that bridge between my heart and my head. I knew Rob like I hadn’t known many people in my life, and I trusted him with every fiber of my being. I knew I could believe him when he made me a promise because he was as faithful a man as I had ever known in every facet of his life.
