Cameron whispered, “I’m aware this is inappropriate, but you know that he’s in love with you, right?”
“Holden?”
“No. Rob.” She shrugged. “Not that you should take love advice from me of all people, but you might want to look into that.”
I shook my head, feeling my eyes burning again. “I’m going back to Holden.”
Cameron smirked. “I’m not going to argue with you, but you know how I feel about it.”
I nodded. “It’s just less... complicated.”
I looked up, caught Rob’s eye again and wiped mine.
Cameron looked at me like I was crazy. “So you don’t even want to explore that?”
I shook my head.
It didn’t matter that Rob had been the one that I had laughed and joked with, grown up with. It didn’t matter that he had helped me navigate these intersecting roads of heartbreak just by being there for me, by greeting me every morning with a smile and a laugh and something fun to do. Because now it was time to think with my head.
I glanced at Rob again, and he turned quickly to defer from my gaze. Then I turned back to look at Holden. He winked at me. He had been there for me when I needed him the very most, I reminded myself. And he had fought for me all this time. The kid deserved a win.
After the ceremony, I went to Lovey and D-daddy’s house for what I figured would be one of the last times. While a throng of visitors crowded into the living room, dining room and den, I made my way down the hall, opened the linen closet door, and soothed my tear-stained face with one of Lovey’s sunshine pillowcases. I took a few more steps into the empty master bedroom. No Lovey. No D-daddy. No big bed to pile up in and hear bedtime stories. No boxes full of Lovey’s jewelry to play dress-up in. No drawers full of neat stacks of D-daddy’s handkerchiefs. Just emptiness. It was the exact same feeling that I had.
I felt a hand on my back, where I was leaning on the doorjamb. I turned to see Lovey.
“It looks right empty now, doesn’t it?”
I nodded. “Feels it too.”
She was strong again, I noticed. Composed and statuesque like always. She had lost the love of her life, and here she was consoling me. “You know, sweetheart. It’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be okay.”
I wiped my eyes with the pillowcase again, its softness taking me back to my childhood. “I know. But it’s so hard disappointing everyone when they had these high expectations for me.”
She laughed, that great Lovey laugh that I will always hear in my ears. “Yeah. But, on the bright side, that first fall is the hardest. Once everyone realizes you aren’t perfect, it’s a good deal nicer to go on with the rest of your life.”
I smiled, assuming that she had known all about that when she left Ernest Wake for D-daddy. I sighed deeply. “You got awfully lucky, Lovey. Because I followed my heart and now I’m miserable.” I stood up a little straighter like she would do. “Now it’s time to follow my head.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Holden?”
I nodded and shrugged. “Yeah. It just works, you know? He was even going to raise Ben’s baby as his own. When do you ever find someone who would do that for you?” She looked at me skeptically, and I paused. I wanted to saylike grandmother, like granddaughter, but I refrained. “And I mean, I love him.” I stood up straighter. “I do.” Then I sighed. “I’ve thought it through. It makes sense. My head says it’s a good choice.”
Lovey shook her head. “I can’t make that decision for you. But I have a secret to tell you, sweetheart. It isn’t about your heart or your head.”
“No?”
“No. It’s about both.” She paused. “Look, honey. You’ve always followed your intuition and your heart. And maybe you took a couple of wrong turns there, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t trust it now.”
“I really don’t know that I can.” I leaned against the wall. “Maybe I was just kidding myself this entire time to think I had these great instincts.”
“Well,” she said. “If you were going to trust it one more time, what do you think your intuition would tell you to do?”
That’s when I heard, “Can I get you ladies anything?”
Lovey smiled at me broadly and said, “That couldn’t have been better if I’d planned it myself.” She took Rob’s arm and said, “I’d better get back out there.”
Then she turned, winked at me, pointed at her head and then her heart.
I laughed. I turned back to that room, blew it a kiss and said, “Good-bye, D-daddy. There really was only one man like you.” Then I smiled weakly and said, “But if you’re able to send me another, that’d be awfully nice.”
