“Just because you wouldn’t say it out loud, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t put pieces together.”
He lowered his gaze and brought his hands to his stomach. I took a step toward him but stopped when he stepped backward. I knew I couldn’t push him and that I needed to tread lightly. But it annoyed the hell out of me that I had to force myself to not gather him in my arms. The fact that he hadn’t tried to deny what I’d deduced, confirmed my suspicion. I couldn’t begin to think of the hell that would be coming to Roger Craig. All I knew was that it was coming.
“Atlas.” Ryder whispered my name, but he hadn’t raised his head. I took a chance and stepped toward him slowly.
“Yes?” He hadn’t moved by the time I reached him, so I thought this was a good sign.
“I want to go to bed. My head and stomach are starting to hurt again.”
I felt somewhat sick to my stomach as well. This was a situation that needed to be handled delicately and with care.
“Come on. I’ll help you.”
“No,” he mumbled. “I can do it.”
“It doesn’t mean you have to.”
I reached out and put my hands lightly against his upper arms. Though he hadn’t raised his head yet, I knew he was wiping tears from his eyes when he brought his hand to his face. I understood he was battling embarrassment while grasping onto pride.
“Come with me, Ryder. I’m not going to hurt you.”
I was pretty sure he knew that, but I also thought he needed to hear it. His mind was most likely all over the place, and simple, reassuring gestures and words from me would help him. He raised his head and briefly looked into my eyes, and I wasconfident that he trusted me. He nodded and walked with me to the bedroom.
I closed the bedroom door halfway so that the lamps from the living room let some light into the room. Ryder got into bed and rolled onto his left side, facing the middle of the bed. He immediately closed his eyes and pulled his legs up some.
“Are you cold?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” he mumbled.
I propped some pillows against the headboard and then toed off my shoes. Ryder’s eyes opened wide as soon as I sat on the bed.
“Relax. I’m only going to sit here.”
He closed his eyes, but he pulled his legs up a little more and put his hand over his stomach. It was clear to me that he was doing what he could to minimize feeling vulnerable. I took hold of the top of the sheet, but before I pulled it up over his body, I told him, “I’m going to pull up the sheet some so it’s within reach if you get cold.” He was quiet, but I knew it was a good practice for me to tell him things involving touch before I did them.
I took a slow, deep breath as I settled against the pillows. While my mind raced, Ryder fidgeted and moved as he tried to get comfortable. As I watched him, I wondered if this was a normal process for him when going to bed or if he was extra antsy because of what he recalled tonight.
From my pocket, I pulled out my phone and opened my music app. I quickly searched for relaxing instrumental music. I scrolled through a few screens’ worth of options and then picked one that had a mix of artists. Before pressing the play button, I adjusted the volume to ensure it would be light and subtle in the background. I looked at Ryder as I pressed play. He stopped moving and opened his eyes.
“How’s this?” I asked.
“It’s perfect.”
He closed his eyes, and I set the phone on my chest so the end with the speaker was facing him. His movements slowed considerably, and he even inched closer toward me. He was starting to relax.
“I don’t think I can attend the academy, Atlas,” he said quietly.
I was torn.
Torn right down the middle.
It was thirty-two hours before Ryder was scheduled to arrive at Omnia Academy. I wanted nothing more than for him to be at peace with his decision and not to live in regret. I wanted to help and guide him, but I also didn’t want him to worry about facing demons daily. Omnia Academy would have daily doses of sexual situations, and I was concerned that he could be traumatically triggered quite often.
“I understand, Ryder. Please know that the decision is yours, and yours alone, to make. I will be with you every step of the way.”
“Only if I attend, though,” he mumbled.
“No. I want to still help you through things. Granted, I won’t be able to see you in person on a daily basis if you don’t attend Omnia. But you and I can still video chat each day.”
