Not that it mattered.
Really, it’d be a blessing if I fell and snapped my neck. Hollis would be fine without me. Everyone would be fine without me.
Without turning any lights on in my bathroom, I started the shower. I kept my back to the mirror while I stripped so I wouldn’t be tempted to look at myself. I hated myself.
I stood under the spray of the water and quickly washed myself from head to toe. I made sure I scrubbed repeatedly back there until the memory of Hollis’ finger was gone. But who was I kidding?
The fucking Dragon owned me. I’d known this for so long. He could raise me up and crush me with just one look. I leaned against the shower wall and pounded on my thigh. I welcomed the pain and imagined it was my dad or Sebastian. I purposely recalled terrible memories of them just to focus on the fact that I was shit and deserved nothing but pain for the rest of my life.
Tears fell uncontrollably as I got out of the shower. I was barely dried off when I threw up. Once I was sure my stomach was empty, I brushed my teeth and pulled on some clean boxer briefs. In the dark, I went to the kitchen and grabbed the box of vanilla wafers to take back to my room. I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall that was next to the floor-to-ceiling windows and felt sorry for myself.
I’d always be a throwaway.
I ate the cookies and hardly moved from the spot on the floor. I closed my eyes when I heard our front door open. The Dragon had returned. He’d go off to his room soon and then I wouldn’t have to look at him again until tomorrow. Possibly not even at all tomorrow. He’d get up early and would be in the gym working out. So much forourcelebration. God, I was so fucking stupid to think he meant that. I was good at being wrong.
Including the part about Hollis just coming home and going off to his room quietly. It only took a few seconds before I heard his feet coming down the hallway.
Don’t look at him.
Just don’t fucking look at him.
Don’t give him the satisfaction.
Don’t look at him.
The moment he appeared in the doorway of my room, my eyes flicked to him like a magnet. My eyes sought him out like a man starved for any attention, whether good or bad. And that was what I was… a pathetic man who wouldstillgive anything for a fucking moment with Hollis.
Hollis saw that I wasn’t in my bed and then his eyes found me where I shamefully sat in the dark. He walked toward me and said something that would always feel like he was wrapping me up in his arms whenever he said it… My name.
“Patrick.”
I closed my eyes, thinking that my eyelids could protect me from the torment he would leave me with.
He sat beside me and wrapped his arm around me. The warmth of his body melted every single defense I tried using against him. Someone as weak as me couldn’t slay a dragon. Like everything else I did, I failed.
“Are you okay?” he asked as he guided my head to lean against him. He pulled me in like a tractor beam. “As soon as Marty told me you went home not feeling well, I came home.”
I huffed out a laugh.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because I was worried about you.”
“Fuck. I’m sure.” I hated myself and could tell that I was quickly cracking under the pressure of him.
“Patrick, I’m always concerned and worried about you—”
I pushed myself away from him and stood on shaky feet. He quickly stood and then crossed the room to one of the nightstands and flipped the light on.
“Hollis, we’re not sixteen-year-old kids anymore. You don’t have to pretend to care.”
“What? What are you talking about? I do care.”
“Why the fuck would you leave your party?”
“Because you weren’t there! I wanted to get home and see how you were feeling.”
“Please. Wasn’t the cage girl sucking your dick well enough to keep you there?”
