“Yeah, I can play a few rounds, and then I need to call my girlfriend.”
Once in Hollis’ room, he pulled over some beanbags that were in front of his TV while Morgan grabbed the seat cushion from Hollis’ wooden desk chair. I sat on one of the beanbags, ready to play. Hollis held up a deck of regular cards and then a deck of Uno cards.
“Patrick, which one?” Hollis asked me to select the game.
“Oh, whichever. It doesn’t matter to me. You guys pick,” I said. Again, I wasn’t picky. This was an incredible night.
“Uno,” Morgan called out and then smiled at me. “Gotta be quick and pick around him, Patrick.”
“Is Uno your favorite?” I asked Morgan while Hollis shuffled the deck.
“It is. Plus, it’s easy to play and doesn’t involve a lot of thought.”
“It’s Chase’s favorite too,” Hollis said.
We played Uno for close to an hour and then Morgan tossed in the towel to go call his girlfriend. Even though both of us kept yawning, Hollis and I played Uno and quietly laughed about things until the early hours of the morning. We talked about TCF, school, cars, restaurants, the newest Nikes, and how to create the perfect curve on a baseball cap.
When we finally crashed on the mountain of blankets by the beanbags, all I could think about was that this was the best day of my life. Hands down, the best.
As I quickly drifted off to sleep, I worried about two things. I worried about having a nightmare that would result in me inadvertently waking up Hollis. And I worried about the interaction Hollis had earlier with Dad and Sebastian. What if Hollis stopped talking to me or being my friend? I supposed if that actually happened that I could just take the pills and pray that I didn’t wake up. I couldn’t imagine not having Hollis as a friend.
Sixteen years old/10th Grade/March
As soon as Hollis dropped me off, I ran straight to my room. I held my hand out in front of me so nothing would touch it. My backpack slid off my shoulders and crashed beside my desk. From the nightstand, I grabbed my composition book and slumped on the floor between my desk and bed. I stared at the back of my hand where Hollis touched it.
I was barely keeping it together. I was overwhelmed with feelings of fear, and I had nowhere to turn with it. No one to talk to. No one who would understand. No one who fucking cared. But Hollis did. I swear I felt something between us when he covered my hand with his. I didn’t know what exactly, but it was something.
My pulse raced as my heart thudded in my chest. I pressed the pen against the paper, but nothing happened. It was weird that I felt so much but couldn’t even write it out. Every time I felt something, I could always get it on paper.
Not this time.
Not today.
I closed the notebook and leaned against the wall to replay everything from this afternoon in the locker room as I stared at my hand.
I had been hurrying to get dressed and was careless when I should have taken my time.
But like an idiot, I barreled around the lockers while trying to zip my backpack and those damn pills fell out. And Hollis was so quick to pick them up. I clutched the front of my sweatshirt where Hollis had grabbed. He cared. I could feel it.
“Let me help you, Patrick. We’ll figure it out. Please let me try.”
“I need the pills, Hollis. You don’t understand.”
“Make me understand. Let me in and give me a chance to help.”
God, I wanted to go with him. I seriously considered it. Everything happened so fast, yet time stood still when he flushed the pills. I was too afraid that he’d tell someone, or worse—he’d stop talking to me.
But he cared. I knew he did.
I opened my notebook again, and this time when the pen touched the page, the words came easily.
Warm.
The warmth of your hand on top of mine made me feel… good.
I paused long enoughto wipe the tears away with the hand that Hollis had touched.
I can’t remember the last time I felt this warm.
