It got worse, though.
“Dude, this is Hollis? The guy’s name you were moaning?” Sebastian laughed.
I suddenly felt ice cold. Ice fucking cold. I guessed Sebastian heard me either jacking off in the shower or in my room. But when I said Hollis’ name, it wasn’t always from busting a nut. Many times, I’d say his name after Dad or Sebastian would leave me after causing their damage. It was out of longing for someone to be with me and maybe defend me.
I couldn’t admit anything like that. My only choice was to lie.
“I was not!” I yelled and leaned forward to push Sebastian.
“Watch it, boy,” Dad angrily gritted out.
“See? You always defend him! Let’s go,” I said to Hollis and headed toward his SUV.
While Hollis got in and turned his 4Runner on, I glanced sideways out the window toward the front door. It was closed now, thankfully. I tried to calm myself down but couldn’t stop shaking.
What if Hollis didn’t want to be friends now?
What if he thinks I’m gay and jacking off to thoughts of him?
What if he stops talking to me?
“I’m sorry about that,” I said. An apology would help, hopefully.
“That’s not your fault.” Hollis brought up this afternoon and asked what happened after he and his dad dropped me off.
I explained I got into another fight with Sebastian and Eli and then with Dad.
“He lets my stepbrother get away with murder and doesn’t do anything to stop it,” I admitted. I quickly closed my mouth out of fear that I’d say too much and make things worse.
“My parents would have killed me if I acted like your brother did in front of someone.”
I winced when Hollis referred to Sebastian as my brother.
“You come from a good family.” We were quiet for a few minutes, which made me nervous. Was he regretting having me over? My stomach was a mess, and I couldn’t stand the silence. I brought up the afternoon at his jiu-jitsu studio, but the distraction only worked for a few minutes and then he was back to asking about what happened at home.
“It’s just brother crap. We shove each other around and then eventually one of us gets pissed and then really takes a swing.” I tried to explain and make it sound like it wasn’t as serious as it truly was. I felt this was as good of a time as any to address the moaning thing. I told him I never moaned his name, then looked out the passenger window so I wouldn’t see his reaction.
“I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me,” he replied.
Hollis really was something. A lot of guys would get defensive and even angry if they were told some other guy moaned their name. Hollis genuinely didn’t seem bothered by it. I wondered what it would be like to be that confident and carefree.Was Hollis bi?
Within a few minutes we were pulling into his garage, and I had no idea that when I stepped into their home, I’d be stepping into another world. I was introduced, greeted, welcomed, and his mom even asked if I was allergic to anything. I’d never felt more at home and welcome in my life than I had inside five minutes at Hollis’ house.
Hollis’ brother, Morgan, was extremely cool and came right over to meet me. I met Hollis’ youngest brother, Chase, within the first few minutes too. That kid made me laugh; hyper didn’t seem like a strong enough word to describe him. He was a cool little guy, and I wondered if he had any idea how popular his older brothers were. I loved listening to all of them interact. Morgan, Hollis, and Chase exchanged friendly jabs at one another, and their parents kept telling Chase to settle down and behave around Hollis and Morgan’s friend.
Friend.
I was considered their friend.
While we ate dinner, I had to dance around a few questions about my bandaged hand and my parents. But I also learned just how much wrestling was a part of Hollis and his brothers’ lives. They each had a stage name they called one another. Hollis’ was “The Dragon” and it fit him perfectly. Fierce like a dragon. I thought back to an old book I had read as a kid. Whenever there was something to guard or be protected, dragons often kept the object or person safe. I wanted The Dragon to slay the demons that hated me and liked hurting me.
“Do you like peanut butter on celery sticks?” Chase asked me as we sat down to watch the TCF event.
“Yeah, I like it,” I said.
“I find that the peanut butter makes celery sticks edible,” Chase explained.
While Hollis, Morgan, and I talked about some of the fighters that we’d see tonight, Chase would throw in some random side comment. Hollis and Morgan seemed really patient with him, and I could tell that Chase was at ease with his older brothers and me. I’d love to have a little brother like him. He was funny, carefree, and happy.
