Perfect. I’ll be able to take a shower in peace.
I walked through the locker room on my way to the showers just to make sure there wasn’t anyone around. I quickly took my clothes off, except for my boxer briefs, and set them on the bench beside my locker for gym class. I hurried to the showers and shed my underwear, leaving them on the rack beside the shelves for towels. Before I turned on one of the showers, I could hear the coaches talking in their office about the game. I turned the water on and waited a moment or two for it to warm up before I stepped under the spray. As soon as I was all wet, I started to wash my hair.
“Ow… Fuck,” I quietly swore as the suds from the shampoo slid down my body.
It felt as though it was slicing open every cut and lighting my flesh on fire. All the places Dad had hit with the belt this morning burned. Suddenly, my stomach started to ache, and I felt really warm. It was the kind of stomachache and warmth that usually came before I’d pass out.
Fuck, please don’t pass out here. Not here.
I turned the faucet all the way over to cold and leaned my forearms on the tile wall, praying this would pass. The cold water would help. It usually helped, but it seemed slow to work now. I felt so weak and lowered my head so the water could try to rinse my hair. I leaned my head against one of my fists on the shower wall and stared at the floor.
All I could think about was what if Ididrock the boat? What if I went into the office and told the coaches that I couldn’t go home. Would anything really happen? Would it just make things worse with Dad and Sebastian? How much worse could it get?
Fuck.I closed my eyes when I started to see spots.Please don’t pass out here.
With the help of the cold water and being still for a few moments, I was pretty sure I had been able to fend off passing out. I squirted a bunch of shower gel from the metal dispenser attached to the wall and began to lather my body with it. I decided that taking a shower hadn’t been a good idea and hurried to finish rinsing off. As soon as I shut the water off and turned around, I saw him… Hollis Hawkins.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
He could see me. All of me.
How long had he been there?
Had he seen everything on my back and ass?
Could he tell what Dad had done?
What would he do?
What would he say?
Who would he tell?
Oh, fuck… Who would he fucking tell?
Could he help me? He did that one day in the courtyard… but he didn’t remember me at all. No one would ever help me.
Steel yourself, man. Make him feel like he’s in the wrong for staring. He’s not your friend.
I prayed my voice wouldn’t sound like a wimp for almost being brought to my knees by soap suds.
“What are you staring at, dickhead?” I asked.
He looked as calm as could be and raised his eyebrow at me. He wasn’t flustered. Why wasn’t he flustered? Didn’t anything rattle him and his perfect fucking body? Rage came out of nowhere, and I was upset that I was on visual display for him to look at. His body wasn’t a mess like mine.Could he tell what had happened?It wasn’t fair I had to live like that and he didn’t. No one fucking did!
“If you’re going to stare, at least come suck my dick.” There. That should fluster the big, bad-ass jock.
My heart pounded while I waited for his reaction. Did my reaction get to him? Hollis’ face was calm as he looked me in the eyes. I looked away and focused on the wet floor. I couldn’t stand for anyone to look me in the eyes, and I hated to look other people in the eyes. It made me feel like I was on display and that someone could see what had been done.
How had that not bothered him? I felt terrible for saying it. It was a terrible reaction.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. When I looked up, he was gone. “Way to go, asshole,” I berated myself.
I wrapped a towel around my shoulders while I quickly dried my lower half off and then stepped into my boxer briefs. In case there were other people lurking around, I kept the towel around my shoulders to keep myself covered while I hurried to my locker. I got dressed and put my t-shirt on and then my hoodie.
