“No.” I rolled my eyes at myself for not seeming to be able to relay what was on my mind. “I mean, yeah, kind of.”
“Talk to me.”
“I feel bad because I’m taking away your chance at marrying someone and having a family of your own. You know, with kids and all. And because I can’t give you any of that, I feel like I’m robbing your parents of having that too.”
“Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.” He kissed my ear. “My boy, I didn’t want the cookie cutter Midwest life. I wanted something different for myself. I was far too kinky to settle down, get married, and have kids. My parents were less than thrilled when I graduated and moved out west. They supported me, though. And each time my parents tell me news about the family, like with my cousins, I don’t sit back and feel sad that I don’t have that. I never wanted that. I knew the person who would give me purpose was out there. The right one was going to come along.” Russell leaned into me and kissed my cheek again. “And you did.”
“I felt so bad that I was keeping you from marriage and kids. And as much as I want you to be happy and have whatever you want in life, there’s a huge selfish part of me that doesn’t want to let you go.”
“You don’t have to let me go, Ryan. I’m more than happy and content with what you and I have.”
“You don’t regret not having kids or a family of your own?”
“My dear boy, you are the only family that I will ever want or need.” He wrapped his hand around the bracelet on my wrist. “You are everything to me.”
I was.
I knew I was.
I leaned against him and felt the lump in my throat. I just needed reassurance. A lot, and often.
“I’m pretty sure I’m dropping.”
“I know, my boy.” His hand moved from my chest to my stomach. “I’m sorry, Ryan.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry. I’m not telling you so you feel bad.”
“I want you to come inside with me. We’ll have some warm tea or hot chocolate, and we’ll sit together on the couch until they all leave. Okay?”
I nodded.
“That’s my boy.”
His. That was the only reassurance I needed.
