“Oh, Ryan, sweetie, you could have left them on the table. I can get them later. I was just going to catch up a bit with Julia and Patricia before they head home,” Lily said. “You can go into the living room.”
Was she trying to get rid of me, or did she really want me to go so she could talk with her family?
I set the dishes carefully on the counter by the sink and smiled at everyone. I glanced at the door leading from the kitchen to the porch on the side of the house.
“Okay. I’m going to step outside and maybe give my mom a call.”
“Ryan—” she began.
“I’ll be just a few minutes,” I said and hurried to the door before she could say anything else.
She knew my mom had been terrible, and I was sure she thought I was crazy for calling. But I felt bad about myself and for taking away the chance for Russell to have a family. Unfortunately, when I felt bad about myself, I did things that usually made me feel worse.
And I was feeling bad because I was dropping. I fucking knew I was dropping, and that made me mad.
I stepped outside onto the porch, and a cough snuck up on me and came out of nowhere the second I inhaled the freezing air. I shoved my hands into my pockets and slowly walked to the edge of the railing. I could see my breath when I exhaled and coughed as the icy air attacked my lungs. It was pitch dark past the long driveway, which made the falling white flakes stand out even more. And it was so quiet out here.
I sat on the wooden bench that was closest to the house. It had two toss pillows on it decorated with pumpkins and leaves. The seat was ice cold, but at this point, I was already cold from the inside out. I pulled my phone out and stared at the screen. I had several missed texts from April and Kim, sending their holiday greetings and pictures of the dinners they’d made. I snapped a picture of the snow falling with the black background and then sent it to both and typed “Happy Thanksgiving” on the text.
I opened my list of contacts and found the retirement center where my mom lived. I stared at the number for a few moments. I knew what was going to happen, though. I’d call, and if I was able to talk to her, she wouldn’t know who I was. Russell would be disappointed in me too. Then I’d only feel worse.
I took a deep breath and set the phone on the bench beside me. I was kind of proud that I’d prevented myself from calling her. Maybe I could control and take care of this drop shit on my own after all.
Leaning forward, I looked down at my hands and bare fingers. Before I allowed myself to get upset about that whole thing, I looked at my bracelet. I hooked two of my fingers from my right hand between the bracelet and my skin. Though it didn’t say it, I knew this symbolized that I meant everything to Russell.
I looked in the direction of the door opening, and a ray of light from the house spilled onto the porch. Russell stepped outside, and his eyes fell on me instantly.
“Ryan—”
“I didn’t call her. Don’t worry.”
I held my phone out so he could check the call log if he wanted to. He took the phone from me and set it on the other side of him when he sat down. He wrapped his arm around me; his warmth felt so good.
“Why are you out here without a coat?”
“I didn’t want to go back through the entryway because I knew you’d stop me.”
“Damn right, I would have.”
“You have a really nice family,” I said while staring out into the white speckled darkness.
“Thank you, Ryan. They adore you.”
I huffed out a sarcastic laugh. I knew it was the drop, though. Russell removed his arm from around my shoulders, unzipped his coat, and slid it off. He draped it over my back, wrapping me in his warmth.
“You’ll get cold,” I warned.
“You’re already cold, my boy.” He tugged me closer to him and kissed my cheek. His hand went to my chest and began to rub. “I apologize for the day being so hectic and getting away from me.”
I didn’t want him to feel bad or regret what we had done in the barn.
“I don’t have any regrets on the day.”
“I regret not seeing to it that we had more private time together, my boy.”
Hearing him call me “his boy” was definitely helping me some. While he rubbed on my chest, he stroked my hair with his other hand.
“Did the ring talk upset you, Ryan?”
