And if she were to tell the others that I sat in a chair and stared at her, I didn’t think anyone would think too much of it. After all, they all knew I was a voyeur and came to watch. They knew that my thing was to get off on the sights and sounds surrounding me. Thankfully, I had been able to separate this as work versus being for pleasure … for the most part. The consensual aspect that turned this kind of event into pleasure for me had to be present, and it wasn’t.
I could count on my hand the few times I’d permitted my mind to wander and hear the noises as if they were actually coming from a consenting adult. I was never ever proud of those times and hated myself after each instance. But I had to do it out of the need to hold on to my sanity.
I sat in the chair and focused on the buttons on my shirt that M was wearing. I tried to think of the difference between what Sebastian had said about A as opposed to B. He’d said that A didn’t work out anymore. To me, that sounded as though she had left or was removed. Since I knew these kids were here against their will, I had a feeling none of them left on their own either. B had made me sure of that.
The lingering question that sat in my mind now washowA had been removed. Where was she now? Was she safe or lying dead somewhere? Sebastian had said numerous times how B was his most popular “guest.” It sounded like B drew a lot of paying guests to the parties because he was the most naturally tolerant to pain. Sebastian said he was restricted for now. Was that truly because of his behavior, or was he so badly hurt that he wasn’t able to withstand anything?
M sniffled, pulling my attention from my shirt to her masked face. I glanced at the clock on the wall directly above the door. My time with her was drawing to a close, and my stomach twisted. She was so scared and was new to this world that she was forced into. I let her sit in my shirt for the duration of our time, and when we had less than five minutes left, I stood.
“I need my shirt back.”
M quickly took it off and handed it to me. She gave me as much of a smile as she could muster, knowing she had been fortunate for the past hour. I looked at the clock again as I tucked in my shirt—two minutes.
Two minutes could seem like an eternity or go by in the blink of an eye. Either way, two minutes was long enough for me to make a costly mistake. It wasn’t a mistake that jeopardized the case but put something else at risk. My heart.
It happened so fast that I couldn’t stop myself, and her reaction made it worse. I crouched in front of her and reached out to her. Gently, I placed my fingertips under her chin and guided her head to tilt upward. Her head was in just the right position for the dim lighting to expose her eyes. Hiding behind the screen of the mask were a pair of gorgeous green orbs. M placed her hand on my forearm, as if telling me thank you for giving her a small reprieve.
“Try to be strong, M,” I whispered.
As I walked toward the door, I could hear some men waiting outside, eager and clamoring for their turn. I hesitated to turn the door handle.
Don’t be stupid, Losche. You already fucked up. You don’t have a weapon. You can’t protect her right now, and you’d end up getting her hurt, if not killed.
I took a deep breath and opened the door. I had barely stepped out into the hallway before a man brushed by me to get into the room. Two other men went inside, including the masked man with the sudden British accent. Seconds after the door slammed in my face, M’s high-pitched screams ricocheted in my ears.
It was as if those screams pierced holes in my body. I leaned forward, bracing my palms on the doorframe, listening to M cry out. Closing my eyes, I lowered my head and bounced back and forth from the present to the rooftops in Baghdad.
She wants it and consents,I told myself.
She said she wants to be here,I reminded myself.
I knew better, though.
Her green eyes were all I could see behind my closed eyelids. I was about to go absolutely insane as I listened to the torture that took place on the other side of the door. I tried shaking her eyes and the feeling of her soft, trembling hands from my mind. For a moment or two, I had been successful.
I had to move. I had to get out of the hallway and away from the door. I looked suspicious. Slowly, I walked down the hallway toward the main room. I stopped at the bar and ordered something much stronger; a glass of whiskey. As I drank the amber liquid, I told myself she was fine and consented to it. Her cries and screams from down the hallway had found me. The chilling sounds worked in vicious tandem with my convincing sub conscience, pulling me closer and closer to the altered erotic reality. I concentrated on the sounds, allowing my brain to tell me everything was fine. When I felt my dick begin to swell, I downed the rest of the whiskey. While the liquid burned its way down my throat, I set the glass on the bar and made my way out of the kink house.
I had never left this place feeling as much hate and disgust toward myself as I’d felt now. I chastised myself for walking away and leaving M there. My hands were tied, though. I didn’t have my gun, and any altercation would not have ended well. When I got into the car, I repeatedly pounded my fist on the passenger seat. There was no way I was in any condition to go to Club Oxygen. Nothing would cure how I felt right now.
I took myself home and then got on the treadmill and started to run. I had to do something with all of this … energy. That was the only way I knew how to describe what I was feeling. As my feet pounded the belt of the treadmill, I thought about M. She would be the one who could help me bust Sebastian and expose this racket. I began running through a series of questions that I could ask her the next time I saw her, and what her possible reactions and answers would be. I thought it would be best if I tried to avoid her at the next party; otherwise, it might look suspicious.
Though, if I waited too long, she could disappear like B or be removed like A. Guilt was already raining down on me and punching me in the gut for leaving her there tonight. Even though I reminded myself over and over that I had no way of helping her out of that situation. Despite me reminding myself of that, it still didn’t make the burning feeling that trailed from the back of my throat to my stomach subside.
By the time I got into bed, I was both exhausted and energized like a live wire. I tossed and turned all night, volleying back and forth from nightmares of different natures. Often, I jerked awake from my demons in Baghdad that had chased me or the earth-shattering screams of M. Or “Say.” Her green eyes that silently begged me, would toss bricks of guilt onto me. I’d drift off to sleep again, always recalling the feeling of her hand desperately clutching my forearm.
M had instantly become a huge motivator for me with this case. She had pumped energy back into my weary soul. Years of this fucking case had worn on me, and after coming up empty or with few leads, I was nearing the end of my rope.
War had slowly been raging in my mind. The violence in Baghdad was very different from the kink house. It had been easier to shut off, in a sense. While stationed there, I merely witnessed violent acts between random people. But in the kink house, I repeatedly watched violence against these same five young adults for years. This was very different and heavier than Baghdad.
I risked everything by touching her, and I knew I would do it again and again. But M was going to help me make sure that all of this wasn’t for nothing. I would get those kids out of there before another one of them disappeared.
9
Garrett
For the firsttime since I had taken over the Octopus case, I felt a thrill of excitement as I descended the stairs into Hell. As soon as I arrived in the main room, my trained eyes failed me. Instead of calmly scanning the room, I frantically looked around for M.
There she was!
