Proud of the selection that I’d made, I headed back down the hallway to our room. Jacob stood shirtless, and in his navy, French terry lounge pants at the foot of the bed. It was difficult for me to focus on anything but his tanned, muscular body. He was stretching his arms and when I walked into the room, his eyes immediately went to my hands to see what I picked out. As soon as he saw, he leaned his head back and chuckled.
“Wonderful choice, darling. You and I are both tired, weary, but needy.” Jacob said as he took the angry flogger from my hands. He turned it over and rolled his wrists, making an “X” motion and swatting the bed with it.
“Those were my exact thoughts, too. This flogger can quickly take care of both of our needs,” I agreed.
“Well, let’s get to it. Strip, and get on the bed. Get on your hands and knees, my darling Elise, right here,” Jacob said as he slapped a spot close to the foot of the bed.
Eagerly, I removed my clothes and took my place on the bed as his heated eyes hungrily followed me.
“Slide your arms forward along the bed, and put your forehead on the mattress,” he directed, and I quickly complied. The need had built to a nearly combustible height, and I was almost ready to erupt.
“Remember, Elise, if you’ve had enough, say ‘red.’ Do you understand?”
“Yes, I remember.”
The silence was deafening. I waited and waited. Pussy juice from the anticipation began to spread to the inside of my thighs. My pussy was already swollen, and he hadn’t even made contact with me yet. I waited and waited and waited. Finally, I heard the falls swoosh through the air moments before they came down on my upper back. Though the center of my upper back was the target, there was a stray fall or two that reached the delicate skin on my sides.
The ball bearings and braided falls felt like rocks pelting against my tight flesh. Through welled up eyes, I welcomed the pain. Ineededthe pain. I couldn’t help but smile as the warmth began to spread across my skin like a comforting blanket. I arched my back to meet the dozens of spots that throbbed. Euphoria was quickly consuming me.
“Ahh!” I screamed out as the falls collided with my body the second time.
“That’s it, Elise. Breathe, darling,” he encouraged.
The sound of my scream was the one that Jacob needed to hear. He knew this scream, and he loved it. It was a scream mixed with sheer pleasure and agony. It was on this see-saw where our pleasure could release our pain. Each kiss from the falls numbed the aches that were held in the depths of our souls. For now, it made it easier to deal with.
Was it a cowardly way to deal with emotional wounds and aches? No. It just meant that we knew what we needed to keep us grounded and from spiraling into a dark hole.
By the fifth or sixth time the flogger connected with my back, the tears poured out of me. It wasn’t from the physical pain that the flogger caused. It was from the deeply embedded pain that the flogger permitted us to release.
I felt Jacob stretch out on his side next to me on the bed. I could feel the heat from his body and knew that he was close to me. His protective and loving hand stroked my hair.
“Elise, let me see your face and your sweet blue eyes, darling,” Jacob’s congested voice calmed me.
I turned my head so I could look at him, and when my eyes locked onto his, more sobs seeped from my chest. He slid over to me, pressing his bare chest against my side.
“Come here, my beautiful girl.”
Jacob wrapped his strong hands around my upper arms and raised me up off the mattress just enough so he could slide his chest under me. As my head rested on his broad chest, I could feel that the tension I had felt in him hours ago, had lessened. The pain of the loss of Mark still lingered in the air, but it no longer hurt to breathe.
“Thank you, Elise.” Jacob’s soft lips pressed against the top of my head. “I love you, darling.”
“I love you, Jacob.”
In the sanctuary of his arms, I thanked the heavens for sending Jacob home to me tonight.
The weeks following Mark’s funeral had been calm and returned to what I considered to be normal. As usual, the anxiety that I always felt following a death or injury with any of the guys at the fire station began to ebb. I was always ready to support Jacob anyway that he needed.
The days and even weeks that followed deaths also brought feelings of helplessness and a loss of control to the surface for me. Jacob and I knew this was normal, and part of the healing or grieving process. But it also made me crave control.
I had accumulated quite the stash of Fem Domme novels, and it was during these somber times that, despite the loss, I found excitement in life again. Some days I would just read and fantasize about controlling a young male submissive as Jacob watched.
Other days, my fantasies were more involved. I would put on my plum corset and fishnet stockings because they made me feel sexy and in charge. Beautiful, black leather stiletto boots graced my feet, and Jacob’s crop accompanied my hand as I would strut around our bedroom, swatting the “pillow sub.” Occasionally, I would also put on a leather harness and one of my many strap-on dildos. These were the days that I felt the filthiest, wettest, most extreme, and alive.
It was about a month after Mark’s funeral on one of my extreme days when I met with my best friend, Liz, for coffee. Even though we’d text every day, we also met at least one day each week. Our meeting place had become a coffee house that was between our homes, and there were many times that we would sit there and chat for hours.
I had a feeling that today could be one of those days because I already felt horny. Jacob got me going before he left for work this morning with some quick but satisfying sex. I was already longing for his return tonight. Liz could jump into sex talk whenever and wherever, it made no difference to her the location.
“So, I brought the catalog to show you the new dildo I bought,” Liz began as she reached into her purse while we stood in line. I glanced at the people behind us. None of them were talking, which meant that they were probably still listening. “Frank is going to love it,” she added as she pulled out a very explicit adult toy catalog. I’ll admit, I couldn’t wait to get my coffee, sit down, and pour over the contents. It was just that kind of day for me.
