“Are you hungry, Jacob?” I inquired as I walked ahead of him towards the kitchen.
“Not really, darling.”
With a heavy sigh, Jacob slumped down in his usual chair at the table. I stood beside him and stroked his hair. He wrapped his arms around my waist and reached upward toward the back of my neck with one hand. I knew the death of Mark would be a heavy hit for Jacob. I guided his head to rest against my chest and continued to stroke his salt and pepper hair while I remained as physically close to him as possible.
“I know you aren’t hungry, dear, but you should try to eat a little something. Maybe drink some water,” I suggested.
“He was so damn young,” Jacob mumbled. “He had his whole life ahead of him.”
“I know, Jacob. I know,” I comforted.
What I prayed that I wouldn’t hear from Jacob, was that he felt responsible. Jacob handled much of the training for his new recruits, and he took pride in showing them the best ways to stay safe. As with most things, even the best training can sometimes not be enough in certain situations. Jacob put everything he had into the care of each member of his station. He had a deep bond and connection with each of the firefighters, but they were more than brothers. Jacob felt that each of them were his own son. He was a mentor to many of them and had even been in most of their weddings as a best man or groomsman. They all loved and looked up to Jacob.
“I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible,” he mumbled as I closed my eyes.
“Jacob, you know that these things unfortunately just happen. You weren’t even on-site when it happened,” I reminded him.
“I know, but that is, in turn, why I feel partly responsible. If I had been, he would have been by my side and not in that apartment building.”
“Dear, he was doing what he had loved and what you trained him for,” I reminded him.
“The lieutenant didn’t think to keep a closer eye on Mark.”
“Jacob,” I began before I lowered my head to kiss the top of his, “don’t go recreating scenarios. It isn’t healthy for you or your team. Accidents happen.”
In silence, I could feel him inhale a few deep breaths. I continued to stroke his broad muscled back and hair to try to help him relax. We stayed like that for several moments before he brought up Mark’s family.
“His parents are crushed. His poor sister flew in from New York today. She got off the plane and went to the hospital immediately. She thought he was still alive. Her parents hadn’t been able to reach her since she landed,” Jacob explained.
“Oh, that is terrible. So sad.” I choked back a sob and lowered my head to kiss the top of his again. “I reached out to some of the wives. We’ll take care of meals and company for his parents.”
“Thank you, Elise. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
I smiled at his words, but deep down, I knew that it was me who wouldn’t be able to live without him. Jacob lifted his head from my chest and reached for his glass of water. He took a deep, steadying breath after a long sip and then swatted my ass before he stood.
“I couldn’t make it without you, Elise.” Jacob bent his head to kiss my lips and embraced my body. “I’m going to go take a quick shower and get the grimy feeling off my body. Give me about ten minutes, and then I’ll have a small bowl of your chili.”
“I’ll have it ready, dear,” I confirmed with a comforting smile.
While he was in our bathroom, I sat at the table and tried to process everything. When I heard him shut the water off, I forced myself out of the chair and prepared two small bowls of chili. I had just set his bowl down on top of the plate in front of his chair when he came into view. I sat beside him and ate with him. Neither of us spoke very much. My mind was full of thoughts, but I couldn’t concentrate enough to focus on any one of them. No matter how much I pushed it away, the one thing that kept coming back front and center was the unspoken promise of what would come later.
It was just after 10:30 p.m. when Jacob got up from the couch after the local news. His hazel eyes met mine, and I could tell that he was ready and in need. I placed my hand in his outstretched large, calloused hand. No words were spoken. No words needed to be spoken. I knew he needed my willing body and soul. And I was ready.
“Darling, go to the spare room and select a flogger of your liking. Meet me in our room,” Jacob instructed with a heavy smile.
It was a smile that I had seen many times before on nights like this. And “heavy” was the best way to describe it.
“I will pick out a flogger and bring it to you,” I repeated my instructions.
We walked down the hallway together, and while he went to our room, I made my way to the spare bedroom. The closet in that room held all of Jacob’s impact tools.
Heat began to spread between my legs as I stared into the closet. I took my time looking at each of the implements and didn’t decide out of haste. My fingertips brushed the falls on the floggers as my imagination ran wild.
The flogger with the braided falls with the ball bearings on random falls, looked delightful. Heavenly, in fact. Standing there and petting the viscous falls almost gave me a high. Effortlessly, this flogger could meet both our needs tonight, but I looked further at my options.
I pulled in my bottom lip and lightly bit on the inside corner of my mouth as my eyes fell upon the baby bullwhip with the detachable cracker. When I took a step towards the whip, I felt how damp my panties had become. I reached out and ran my thumb and forefinger from the handle to the end of the whip. I knew Jacob wouldn’t want to use this tonight. He had been very specific; select a flogger of my liking. I inhaled a deep breath, embedding the intoxicating scent of treated leather into my senses. I longed for the bite of this precious whip. But, for another time.
I went back to the flogger that had the steel ball bearings scattered amongst the braided falls. When I gripped the flogger handle in my hand, a yearning deep within began to stir. It was a desire that I have had before but didn’t know how to do much about it. It was the desire to take control; to dominate. Jacob knew this existed in me, and he had told me that if I ever wanted to, we could go to the club and explore me topping a submissive bottom. While the idea of this nearly makes me come on the spot, I didn’t know if I could actually go through with it. I pushed those thoughts aside for now and looked down at the flogger I clutched in my hand.
