Were there? I looked around. My stuff was shit next to his. The couch was cheap, and the cushions were broken down.
“Yes, Russell. My full size bed would look great in your place,” I said out loud sarcastically at his text.
Ryan: Nope.
I tossed the phone on the couch and grabbed my laptop to see if April and Kim were online. It seemed like even if they weren’t online, they always replied to my messages as soon as they could. Neither were currently on, but I decided to go ahead and start a conversation.
Ryan: Hey, hope you are having a good weekend. I spent the night with Russell, and he asked me to move in.
Seconds later, both of them appeared.
April: He’s been wanting you to move in, Ry-Guy.
Kim: Have you started packing?
Ryan: Packing? Are you kidding me? No, I don’t even know what I’m doing!
April: Seems like a no brainer to me.
Kim: Yeah, the wealthy Dom sweeps you off your feet and puts you up in his place on the hill.
April: Kim, you forgot that he’s a wealthy sadistic Dominant.
Ryan: I offered to help pay for stuff.
Kim: Which, I am willing to bet he declined.
Ryan: He did. But I found out that he doesn’t even have a mortgage on that fucking place.
April: So.
Ryan: So?
Kim: So.
Ryan: So, that makes me uneasy.
April: Ryan, stop. You’re making this hard. Why does it make you uneasy that he was smart with his money and planned well?
Ryan: Okay, two things. One, planning well and being smart with your money doesn’t mean having no fucking bills! It means living comfortably. Not having to save or watch what you spend so you’re sure you have enough for the bills. That is being smart and planning with money. That is not the same thing. And two, I am not a kept man! I’m not moving in with him to be spoiled or not pull my share financially.
Kim: Don’t freak out about someone who wants to take care of you.
Ryan: I’m capable of taking care of myself!
April: Right. You are. So, go ahead, be an idiot and throw away everything with this guy. Then days after you say goodbye to him and regret it, you can sit there alone in your house. Life is short, Ryan. Don’t throw this away because you want to be proud and hand him money each month.
Kim: Wouldn’t you feel sick inside if you stayed living in your place, and he in his, and then something happened to him?
I grabbed my stomach. Russell is older than me, and the chances are higher that he would possibly have something happen to him before me. I started to think of horrible things and ignored the dinging sound from the laptop of messages from April and Kim.
I never should have gotten involved with someone so much older than me. I love him and now he’s going to fucking leave me. The air was heavy, and I couldn’t breathe in here anymore. I needed to get out of the house for a while.
Ryan: I need to go.
I closed the laptop, grabbed my car key and left. I drove around the city for a while and I tried to think. I went to a park that appeared to be empty and I sat on the bleachers by the baseball field.
I spent the afternoon thinking and running down pros and cons for the situation. Each time I thought of cons, I countered it with a positive thing. Sometimes it was just as simple as that I love him.
