“Did you take a warm one?”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was just a lukewarm shower. I was punishing myself for tonight, but couldn’t tell him that. I also couldn’t lie to him.
“It was warm enough,” I offered up.
“Did you get something to drink? Perhaps juice?”
“Not yet, but I will.”
“And something to eat. Do you still have some of the chocolates?”
“Yes,” I murmured.
Why am I so fucking dumb? He cares about me and I continue to do stupid shit that makes me pull away from him.
“Good, eat some of those and please drink some juice or water, my boy.”I was still his.“Alright, Ryan, I will let you go so you can unwind and relax.”No! Don’t let me go!“Will you promise to text me when you get into bed?” I wiped the water from my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Yes, I will,” I promised. I had hoped he hadn’t detected a change in my voice.
“Ryan, I love you.”
I looked up at the ceiling and willed the tears to subside. Why the fuck am I crying? I brought this on myself. I pulled the phone away from my head and turned so I could take a deep breath without him hearing.
“I love you, too,” I replied.
I just don’t deserve you.
“That’s my boy. I will wait for your text.”
When I ended the call, I trudged into the kitchen and found the box of solid dark chocolate squares that Russell wanted me to keep on hand. I shoved a few in my mouth and grabbed a bottle of water before heading back to the living room. I stretched out on the couch and propped my laptop up on my stomach.
April: Ry-guy!
Kim: Hey Ryan!
Ryan: Hey. Don’t ask how the club was. I fucked up again.
Kim: Ryan, don’t say that.
Ryan: Why not? It’s the truth.
April: I had a feeling something was up.
Ryan: See? You even know that it’s impossible for me not to mess up.
April: No, that’s not true. But I knew something happened because it’s not even 11:00 and here you are online with us.
Kim: Good point, April.
April: So, do you want to vent about it?
Ryan: Yes, but not about my fucking up the session.
April: You’ve lost me. Then what?
Kim: Shit, are you and Russell fighting?
Ryan: No, we’re not fighting.
