I could tell by her tone the way she intended for me to read my name. She knew better and knew that I was already panicked and running a hundred miles an hour in the opposite direction. In my experience, when April called me out on something it was best to show my cards. In most cases, she already knew what my cards were anyhow.
Ryan: I just can’t move.
April: Why?
Kim: I think you’d be capable of moving in with that Top of all Tops that turned into a Dom for you. He loves you, Ryan.
Ryan: I know he does. But, I don’t have a good track record of moving in with anyone. Remember, I tried once during college; Nikki.
April: Fuck that, Ryan. That woman wasn’t right for you and she was still controlled by her parents.
Kim: And she didn’t love you. Not really. Russell loves you. All of you.
Exhaustion began to kick in. Mental exhaustion was quickly turning into physical exhaustion. I began rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand and then massaged my temples with my thumbs. Since being online, a dull headache was starting to form.
Ryan: That all sounds wonderful in a perfect world, but I still can’t move. This is my home.
April: Wrong, Ryan. It’s a shell of a house that you hide in.
Ouch. I frowned at the screen.
Kim: Wouldn’t it be nice to go to sleep each night with him and wake up with him?
I stared off into the kitchen. It would be nice. But it’s not going to happen. These girls were getting way ahead of themselves. He hadn’t even asked me, nor did I think that was even a glimmer of a thought in his head.
April: You could roll over in the night and give him a blow job.
My stomach dropped. I am so terrible at that act. It gives me anxiety thinking about it.
Ryan: I don’t think he’s knocking down my door in hopes of getting a blow job. Excuse the pun, but I suck at giving those. I still struggle with them.
April: Practice, Ryan. Practice.
Kim: Well, wouldn’t it be nice to wake up to one?
I laughed out loud. Russell Moore doesn’t give blow jobs. He was a Top before he decided I was worth it for him to give that title up for me. I didn’t care if I ever got a blow job again. Time to set the girls straight and break them the bad news about the blow job.
Ryan: It’s not like that between us. Russell doesn’t give blow jobs. But it’s fine because I couldn’t care less about ever having those again.
April: Not even a Russell Moore one?
Ryan: No. I told you. He doesn’t do those. He’s never said anything about ever giving one, or ever wanting to give them. So, no.
Kim: Maybe Russell is just picky, or maybe he was just waiting around for the right person. I’m willing to bet that he’d give you one if you asked him.
Ryan: I’m not going to ask Russell for a fucking blow job.
I was severely losing my patience and just needed to get offline. I tend to make things worse when I sit online, and I didn’t have the mental capacity right now to deal with the outcome of me making something worse.
Ryan: I don’t want a blow job.
April: Just like the sex you never wanted again, right?
Kim: You had been afraid of that too, but Russell made it all better.
April: Or being in a relationship. You boasted that you didn’t want to too.
Kim: And Russell changed your view on that.
