15
Ryan
Ilaidon my couch and pulled the blanket over my shoulders. I felt like I had been hit suddenly with a cold bug. I had been fine at Russell’s while I was there, but by the time I got home, I felt the aches settling in. I had taken a nap on the couch, but now that I was awake, I felt nobetter.
I had sex last night with Russell. Russell Moore fuckedme.
But it was more than that, wasn’t it? I wasn’t just a toy and one night stand as I had been to everyone else. I was someone to him. Wasn’tI?
Iwas.
Ithought.
When I woke up, I looked at my cell phone and saw three new texts. The first was from Chad with a few links to old videos. I didn’t open them or reply to him, but it made me think about how different last night felt to all of the other times. The next text was from Leonard that effectively made me feel likeshit.
Leonard: Was that a real collar you had on the other night at the party? In case you hadn’t figured it out yet, Russell doesn’t collaranyone.
Maybe I was just a toy. I reached for my neck, but only felt my skin. My play collar sat on his nightstand while the charm stayed with me. The third text was fromRussell.
Russell: I know you’ve only been gone for a few hours, but I wanted to reach out to you and remind you to call me if you’re feeling off, or second guessing things. Or if you just want to talk. Last night was a big step and I’m here for you Ryan. I sent you an email a few minutes ago. Loveyou.
My fingers couldn’t open my email app fastenough.
Ryan,
You’ve had my heart in your capable hands for longer than you’veknown.
Your innocence excites me. Your willingness to try things captivates me. Your trust in me makes my heart swell. Your deeply rooted need for love and acceptance makes me perfect for you. Your body makes me hunger for you. I’ll do things to you that will deepen our bond and satisfy everything your body is starvedfor.
When you panted the phrase, “I’m ready,” you breathed air into a fire that’s been burning for you. I love the way your body comes alive in my hands, and I will twist and turn you in ways you never knew existed. You will soar, myboy.
And yes, my boy, you are ready to beloved.
LoveAlways,
Russell
Damn. How does he say the nicest things to me? I thought for a while about what I could say back to him that would sound as nice and be heartfelt. There was so much that I could say to him. I wanted to convey to him that he was everything, but in a special way. After an hour of thinking, I had an idea. I found a picture online of links of chains and put it in the email response to him and began totype.
Russell,
You are my missinglink.
Love,
YourRyan
* * *
Iwantedto do something nice for Russell. He’d been nothing but kind to me and patient. We’d been having lots of sex; sometimes more than once a day. Which, for me to go from not caring about sex, or if had ever had it again, to wanting it and having it a lot, was something completely new forme.
I even started to like the afterwards with him; he never just left me. I still felt like I needed to take a shower right away on occasions, but it was fewer and more far between. There were times when he’d keep me in bed or the playroom with him, but he always had stuff to clean me up with. I’d feel guilty sometimes about him feeling like he had to clean me. I’d tell him that I was capable of it, but he’d always say that it wasn’t the point. The times when I felt that a shower was urgent, Russell would take a shower with me. He never left me alone in the shower. Being cared for, looked after, and loved was a new thing and was kind ofnice.
I got online with April and Kim to see if they had any ideas of something that I could do for Russell that would benice.
April: Take him todinner.
Kim: What’s his favoriterestaurant?
